Saturday, February 20, 2010

Saturday Service Again

This morning V asked me what my plans for the day were.

"I don't have any plans. Today is Saturday and I want to do whatever you ask me to."

She said she didn't have anything for me to do, but then asked me for a sandwich. I said all right and she said that whoever got up first would get it.

"No," I said, getting up. "Let me get it for you."

I made her a sandwich and when I gave it to her I thanked her for asking me for giving me something I could do for her. She told me that she had to go out but that she wanted me to gather all dirty laundry from around the house and bag it so she could take it to the laundry. I was to take the bags to her car and also the girl's bikes, so they could ride at the shopping center. I did all that immediately, even though she said that she didn't need it done until later. I wanted to be free for her to ask me anything else.

I was wondering if she would like me to offer to do the laundry in her place, but I thought that she was planning to do some computer work while the laundry was done and if she stayed home she would get busy with chores and would not complete her required work.

I came to report to her that the laundry and the bikes were in her car. She looked at me and said that I was sexy.

"You are sexy," she said, holding my hand. "I like you, even with that stupid hat (I was wearing a hat because I had gone outside to load the car) and I mean I really like you, isn't that awesome?"

I admitted that I was pleased that she thought I was sexy and asked her if she was going to do anything about it. She smiled and said that what she wanted was to give me work. I repeated my previous statement that I was there to serve her in anyway she needed.

She surprised me with what she did after.

She told me that she was tired and she was not going to do anything else after the laundry, and wanted me to take her to the movies. She explained that she didn't know if she was going to have enough time, however, because she had a lot of housework to do.

I told her that the boys and I could do the housework while she was at the laundromat. I offered to do the dishes (there are many) and she said that she wanted me to clean the whole kitchen instead, so she could ask the boys to do the bathrooms. I smiled and thank her for giving me a way to please her. She said that maybe we could have sex tonight, but that she may be too tired. I told her that whether or not she wanted to have sex with me (she hushed me at this point because the girls were playing just outside the door) I still wanted to please her and that by giving me something specific to do for her, she was making me happy.

She said that we will have sex and a movie and that way we will both be happy. I asked her what she meant by that, in a teasing way, hoping to encourage her to get into the subject, but the girls needed help and we had to leave the conversation undone. I asked her if she would give the boys her instructions or she wanted me to do it and she said she would.

"Boys," she said coming to the living room. "I want you to clean the bathrooms and the kitchen. Dad will take care of the kitchen, and each boy will take a bathroom. Don't rush it, because the first one who finishes is going to go help the others, but don't drag it out either because if I come back home and you are not done, you will have to finish it by yourself."

She was using her commanding tone, the one that she rarely uses with me and I was getting weak at the knees, imagining that it was for me only and not for "the boys". As you can imagine the boys were whining and complaining. I was in bliss.

What she said next blew my mind.

"I want to see your heads nodding now, boys!" and "Do you understand?"

She waited for each boy in turn to nod and stop complaining and she said "Good".

Then she turned to me, still in commanding mode and gave me the same treatment.

I nodded. Of course I nodded, even though I know she did it more for the boys benefit than for mine, but still it gave me a thrill to be commanded and ordered to nod in recognition.

"Good Boy!"

Then she left. I had to go to my room for a bit to allow for my erection to fade before going back to clean the kitchen.


I did the best job I've ever done of cleaning the kitchen. When V came home I took the things from the car, including the bikes and brought everything back. She asked me why I didn't clean the kitchen and told me that there were traces of peanut butter and jelly on the floor, cheese wrappers on the table and a bunch of dirty plates in the sink.

I was about to get to the kitchen to drag the boys to clean it again when she bursted out in laughter. She told me that the kitchen was perfect and thank me for all my help.

She gave me oral sex for longer than usual, and then told me that she was done and she wanted to cuddle. I was surprised, but said okay. Then she pulled me over her and said "cuddle here" and we had a bit of rough sex.

In retrospect, I think it was another good day, and the kitchen is actually clean (I checked)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Pain, or the idea of pain?

I was reading in some of the literature related to male submission recently that some men think they are attracted to pain when in reality they are attracted to the IDEA of pain.

Recently, after one time when I told V that she did not have to be gentle with me, she has begun to scratch, bite and spank when having sex. She has also started to twist my nipples. The spanking is not too effective because the position doesn't allow for too much strength, but yesterday, she spanked me hard a couple times while i kissed her toes, and she asked me if i felt it "deep enough". I said that I loved it and she said I was crazy.

Her bites have been painful and she has marked my chest several times, and that actually excites me. The twisting of the nipples has not been that painful, but perhaps it's because she only does it when I am almost to the point of no return. I have cummed several times while she twisted my nipples and i can't tell how hard she's doing it.

The scratching, however, is another story.

Several times her nails have made me wonder if I really want her to give me pain. I have hesitated, because she has gone farther than I thought she would. I had almost screamed in pain, but have resisted, because at the same time I don't want her to stop doing what she's doing. This has brought the concept of the IDEA of pain to the forefront of my mind.

Do I really want her to punish me in painful ways, or do I just want her to play at it?

This is a question I don't have an answer at the moment. I will have to ponder on it and explore a little bit. For now, V has only been playing, and only when having sex, but I'm already having my doubts. Am I going to chicken out?

There are two things I know:

1) I'm going to resist as much as possible any pain that she deems appropriate to inflict upon me, because even if it scares me a little, it's exciting and drives our relationship in the direction I desire.

2) Being that V is a tender, loving wife, if I tell her that she's hurting me, she's going to stop and treat me delicately. For now I want her to gain confidence in what she's doing, before I complain about it.

Today was a pretty much vanilla day. V was busy with school things, so I did a couple things she asked me to do. She also told me that she wants me to take two weeks off from work in August so I can babysit while she goes to a seminar. After I said yes, she said that actually she has plans for me for those two weeks, and then she explained and asked if I'd do it. I said yes and asked her to get the dates of the seminar as soon as possible so I can secure the vacation.

She didn't command me to do it, although I thought she was going to, bu the tone when she told me to take vacation. I think she was not sure if she could "get away" with having me babysit for two weeks and also do the other stuff around the house and that lowered her tone.

The other thing submission-related was that she was in bed and found my glasses. Then she told me that I like her feet so much that even if I'm not there, my glasses still stay at her feet. I was busy and distracted and didn't take advantage of the situation. In retrospective, I could have taken a little time to go "get the glasses" and kiss her feet a little more, like I did yesterday.

Oh, well. I'm sure that other opportunities will present themselves.

For now, I am left to wonder about pain.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

A test? (part 2)

The day was long without V.

The results from the test are two-fold. First is what I managed to achieve, out of the things V had requested and second, V's reaction to what I did or left undone.

I was supposed to do the following:

1) Clean the Kitchen
2) Feed the girls
3) Give medicine at the proper times to the girl who is sick
4) Fold the laundry

At the time when the medicine was due, I found the girls were still asleep, so I waited until they woke up, but as soon as they did, I gave them breakfast and medicine. They chose cereal for breakfast, so nothing hard there.

I did all the dishes, scrubbed the Teflon off a pan I didn't know it had Teflon, dried and stored everything, cleaned the table and scrubbed the floor. With the exception of ruining the Teflon pan, I think I did a good job.

I made lunch and dinner as well.

The laundry was another story altogether. I didn't know just how much it was, but it was like an entire week of clothes to sort, fold and hang. It was by far the hardest job, and I didn't manage to finish it, with all the interruptions, like cooking and stuff...

V came back home very tired and with a stomach ache, so I gave her medicine and a cup of water. She was very grateful for all the things I did, even smiling when she saw the used-to-be-Teflon pan and saying that "it had never been so clean" (she's a good sport)

As for the laundry, she told me that she didn't expect that I was even going to do it, because it was so much that she had been avoiding it all week herself.

When she arrived, she asked me how my day was and I told her that it had been good because I had spent it doing things for her. She asked me if I had done anything for ME and I said that I had, which is true, because I had taken a nap and had spent some time playing a video game, but most the day was spent in her service.

At the end of the day, I am grateful for a day when V told me how I could please her and even though I didn't do as much as I had hoped, I did more than she expected. I feel happy that I spent the day serving her and my love for her grows more and more.

In the morning, she told me that she had not dared to hope that anything would be done because people "always forget" to do as she asks. I told her that I was trying to improve on that and she said that I was improving.

Then she said: "Bite my neck" and things went wild from there.

A test? (part 1)

This Saturday morning, V is not home.

She left early and left me taking care of the girls.

She asked me to feed them, to which I said, "yes, ma'am." Then she smiled and asked me to clean the kitchen, and I replied exactly in the same way.

Then she started laughing and said "Really?"

After I repeated my consent she jokingly said "I also want you to fold the laundry."

"Okay," I said.

A very brief conversation, but an opportunity for me to show her how much I appreciate serving her. Because if my past (years' worth) failure to serve her, she does not believe that I will fold the laundry, she barely believes that I will clean the kitchen and will even call on her phone to verify that the girls have been fed.

My test today is to see how far I go in my desire to please her. It is both a test and an opportunity and I intent to keep up with it.

I will post a continuation to this post after the day is over, to go over the results of the "test" and my feelings about it. Now I want to go get started by feeding the girls before V calls.

I'm smiling ear to ear as I write this. We'll see if I'm smiling at the end of the day...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Becoming vs. Discovering

In one recent comment, I pondered about a couple points. One of them was the question of whether Mistress V has to BECOME the dominant partner of our relationship or she just has to DISCOVER that she is in fact such a partner already. This distinction has to do, of course with a deeper philosophical question: How dominant does a person has to be to be THE dominant partner in a relationship?

Being that I have submissive feelings for V, she is already in control of much in our relationship. Where exactly does she start being dominant? I have been thinking about that issue recently and think that if we think in relative terms, she is already the dominant, because she has more control over our relationship than I do, but in absolute terms, the distribution of power in our partnership is less clear.

Thinking about that, and reading comments and postings on other blogs and sites, I've come to realize that what I have before me is not so much an issue of my wife BECOMING my dominant, but more an issue of her DISCOVERING the fact that she already is. This was a welcomed realization for me, because it means that I don't have to attempt to change a person who is already the most lovely woman I've ever met, but just help her realize the way things already are.

One things that has impacted my ability to achieve this in the past is that I frequently become too "needy" and probably express myself in submissive ways that she finds unattractive. Acting "needy" includes requesting her to do dominant things to me, and acting more submissive than she finds comfortable with. I've "discovered" (between quotations, because it's not my original concept, but one I learned applied to our case) that I get more "needy" when I am not constant in my submission to her. When I get tired of submitting, or frustrated because my efforts don't seem to provide benefit, I stop being submissive and at those points, my needs are not being satisfied (because of my own failure to stay on the route that satisfies them). When I am constant in my submissiveness, ironically, I act less submissive, which I guess Mistress V finds more alluring. The truth is that we say we want to have a Queen besides us, but many Queens don't particularly want the company of groveling slaves.

Seeing that it is easier to maintain an appropriate demeanor when I'm more constant in my service to Mistress, and that she only has to discover the position she occupies in our relationship, has made the task of communicating my feelings for her easier.

No, don't hold your breath yet. I didn't come out and told her straight.

But I did have a conversation with her.

She was extremely busy with something I can't help her with (preparing for a test) and I asked her if I could help. She said that I couldn't but thanks. I asked her if I could help her with something else, so she could do what she had to do and she said yes. I could help her by having sex with her. She said that I should "be clean" because she anted to give me oral sex.

Now, that is very unusual. I have been married for many years and this almost never happened before, not even during our honeymoon. Yes, she has given me oral sex many times, but this time she said she wanted to and asked me to clean myself.

Of course I said yes, and we had sex for as long as she wanted. She told me that I was very sweet by continuing to pleasure her even after I had already "finished" (her word) and I told her that I wanted to make sure she "finished" as well. She said "Oh, I did." and I asked her if she finished before or after me, (she is mild mannered and sometimes i can't detect it) and she smiled and said "Before and after".

The next day I was working on the computer and she came all over me, kissing me and rubbing herself against me. She touched the beginning of my erection and said "Oh, you are not teased enough" (Again, her words. I almost couldn't believe it) so she kissed me some more and played with my penis until it became hard.

"Now I'm teased" I said.

"Good," she said, moving away. "Now I can leave. I'll leave you like that because I'm evil"

She had to go out to take a class. I knew it, and she knew I knew it, but still took her time to tease me. I was so happy I could barely contain myself, but I did. I had to take advantage of the opportunity to express my feelings, though. I just had to remain cool and not too "needy"

"I love it when you tease me," I said with a smile. "Feel free to tease me any time you want."

She did not answer.

"You know you have power to do anything you want with me?" I asked.

"Yes," she said (wow!) "Women have power over men, but that's because women are evil... poor men."

"No, not any woman. I only want YOU have power over me."

At this point she was moving my head around as if I was a marionette. "So you want to be subject to it?"

"Of course," I said. "It's sexy."

She was not repulsed. She actually kissed me and left me there "properly teased"

I was amazed at how much had happened in the span of a few minutes. I had to go out also, to do some errand for her and to do something I needed to do as well, so I did not spend much time thinking of this, but she had given me much to think about.

"Wake me up in the morning," she said (this means "let's make love before you go" in her language) "I'll be too tired tonight."

I said I would, but when she came back she asked me to make love to her right then and there but be quick about it because she had to study. I made sure to do my best to comply.

"Do you still want me to wake you up in the morning?" I asked in the cuddling time afterwards.

"No," she said. "I'll be to tired then."

Nothing else has happened since, because I went to work, she went to work and I just came back. One thing seems sure, though. I feel much better than the last time I wrote here.

If this is a voyage of discovery rather than a transformational venture, I think success will not only be attainable, but it will happen much sooner than it would otherwise be.

Now, let me stop this thing, which is becoming too long already, and let me go find how Mistress V wants to be served today...

Monday, February 8, 2010

Still on the same boat...

As one commenter said before, my 'discreet campaign of hidden submission' is not giving the desired results. At least not to the extent I'd like to.

My feelings as a submissive husband continue to intensify, if that's possible, but my wife does not seem to grasp the idea that I want her to dominate me.

She has gotten the idea that I want her to be a little rough in bed, and expressed to me that the reason she doesn't do it is that she fears that I will be rough with her, and she likes sex 'soft and tender'. I told her that I'd be as soft and tender as she wanted, but that she did not have to worry about doing the same for me. She laughed and said "men are savages". Since then, she has been scratching, biting and spanking me during sex, which is a beautiful thing.

This goes to show that she is at least partially open to do the things that please me in bed, but she has a big thing about me not 'doing things because I want sex' and wants me to do things without her telling me. I've told her that I don't do things because I want sex, but that I want to please her. She seems happy with that explanation but I don't think she really believes it. I'm trying to show her that I want to serve her even when sex is out of the question, such as when she has her period and such, but I guess I'll have to be more consistent on that.

The other day I received an email from her at work where she thanked me for all the help I gave her the night before and she specifically mentioned that I did it 'without expecting any reward' so I guess she's noticing.

I still don't dare coming out clean and telling her that I am submissive.

Today, she said that she wants to give ME oral sex, and she also said that she wants me to do the dishes, but she made it very clear that she doesn't want me to establish any correlation between one and the other.

I love to receive oral sex, and knowing that she's getting a desire to do it, makes me hot. I'd also love to give her oral sex, but she doesn't like it. We used to do it before, so I guess it was not as good as I thought.

When I have not had sex in a while, my kinks come very near the surface and I begin to have fantasies about sex. For now, my strongest fantasies include being tied up, being spanked and being penetrated anally with a strapon. I don't have any fantasies that do not involve Mistress V, meaning that all these things are things I wish she would do for me, but I guess I'll have to wait, since I don't even dare to tell her of simpler things...

Sometimes I wish I could just tell her right up all that I feel, but the fear of losing her confidence, of her knowing that all this time I have been wishing for something else, makes it harder and harder. I know it will only get worse with time, so I better do something to ramp up and pave a way for this before it's too late.

I just have to figure out how.