This is porn for me

The image has the credit.

Learned something on my release

I was locked for only four days, which works for me because not having been locked for a long time, the device was bothering me a little by the third day.

Victoria got up early and went to set everyone ready for school, but then she came back and threw the key at me.

"Open up!" she said, starting to undress. I did not question her one bit, although I prefer the way she unlocked me before.

We made out, and she gave me a hand job which ended, predictably, in a sticky mess.

Then she told me something that made me think.

"I'm OK with this as long as I don't have to see it," she said. "It creeps me out."

What  this made me think is that Victoria is not so much opposed to me being locked per se, but to actually dealing with the device itself. She does not even want to see it, This is not a let down for me, on the contrary, because now I know that the way to bring chastity back to our relationship is to just take a little bit of the responsibility. The way it worked this time, I asked her if it was OK to lock myself up until she wanted to release me, and she said "Sure".

I think she's going to be OK with it when I ask again, which I have not done because my balls have been aching a little since I unlocked.

I took this time to study my own reaction. I noticed that I was completely devoid of submissive feelings after my release, which is a bit unusual, so I made it a point to put some effort and do chores around the house, unasked. The biggest needs were laundry and dishes, so I took those. The bathtub was dirty, but my daughter had used it to clean her pet's cage, so I got mad and told her she had to clean it.

I did not feel tempted to play with myself until yesterday (Thursday). That's another thing I've learned. Whenever Victoria releases me, I last several days satisfied, but if I masturbate, I want to do it again  the next day. Hell, sometimes I want to do it again the SAME day!

So, technically, I could have been unlocked for 4 days, and be locked yesterday without running in danger of playing with myself. I didn't masturbate, but I know myself and know that I wanted to.

I'm rambling and don't think I'm doing a good job at explaining anything, so I'm going to summarize and finish this.

1. I was locked up for four days, which seemed quite long because of discomfort.
2. Victoria does not mind me being locked up, but doesn't like seeing the device,
3. I did not feel submissive at all after my release, but pushed myself to be good
4. I was released and was not horny until 4 days were up

What does this indicate? I think I can get some chastity in my future, as long as I don't push it too much or make a big deal out of it. 

We'll see how it goes.

UNRELATED NOTE: I was thinking about Sofia today (which is a sure sign that I'm horny) and realized that I never finished telling the story here. Nothing of note happened. I went on vacation, then when I came back I didn't really go to the deli for lunch the week I was here. I had a business trip the following week, so I have not seen her for a while, which is good, because she still knows how to push my buttons and was doing a terrific job at it. If I see her again, which is likely to happen if she remains in town, I'll write about it here.

Casually Locked Up

Let's get the most exciting portion of this update out of the way first: I am locked up in my chastity device again.

This is the device I own. 

I returned from a business trip on Friday. I was gone for a week and was both missing my wife and feeling the effects of the excessive masturbation that I usually engage in when in these trips. When I arrived, Victoria was at work and she arrived after I was already sleeping, so I didn't see her.

Saturday morning, I awoke with a morning wood and a warm wife next to me so I did what came naturally and began to caress and kiss her. She let me kiss her between her legs, but not for long. She pulled me up and we kissed for a bit before she reached down and grabbed my crotch over my underpants. She held my penis and balls firmly for a few seconds and said "This is going to stay in your pants today" and then she let go and cleaned her hands, who had gotten wet by my precum, over my chest.

She explained that she had to go to work (again) and reminded me that they were in one of those times about four times a year when she works 14-hour days, I groaned inwardly, but outside I let her know how much I love her.

She left.

I started playing with myself, and was about to finish off when I decided to stop myself. I am like a masturbation addict in that even though I don't want to do it, I end up doing it anyway. On travel, I usually allow for it because I have a history of enhanced stupidity when horny, so I try to remain sated, but at home, I really want some control.

Before work, Victoria was at the supermarket helping my daughter buy some stuff for a party she is hosting today, so I knew she would not be driving yet so I texted her:

"If you had [name of a personal servant] coming to your house today, what would you have him do?"
       
The name of the servant is not real, but from a running family joke, so I'll not use it here.

It took all of 20 seconds for the reply: "Unpack and clean my bedroom".

So, I had my assignment. Now for the tough part.

"May I please be locked up in chastity until you want to take care of me?"

A longer pause this time. I thought she was not happy with the message, but then I got her response: "Sure!"

I proceeded to lock myself up, put the emergency keys (she has the other set) in her jewelry box and proceeded to do as she had asked.

When she arrived, after another 14 hour day, I was done, The room was clean as she asked, and the unpacking had been done. We went to bed with no further event, other than the fact that I was locked. I dreamed that she was playing with me without unlocking me and got up as my device pulled on my junk. It took me a while to be able to go back to sleep.

Once we were up in the morning, I asked Victoria if there was anything she would have her servant do, and she said that her servant could look around and see what needed to be done. She sat on the couch to eat her breakfast and I was about to sit with her when she told me "Don't sit!" But I was already in the process of sitting, so I immediately stood up.

"Make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and put it in a sandwich bag for me," she said as she ate her breakfast. "But don't be skimpy with the peanut butter and the jelly."

I prepared the sandwich as instructed and as I gave it to her I warned her not to squeeze it or there would be a mess.

"Look girls," she said to my daughters. "Your dad is finally learning how to make PB&J."

She left.

So far, I cleaned the stove, did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen floor. Later, I'm going to do some laundry and after my daughter's friends leave, I'm going to make sure the house is clean again, which will include doing some chores and also making sure my daughter does some.

So, that's it. Without much fanfare and very casually, I got locked again,

 Victoria's 14-hour days are over, so tonight she should get home at a decent hour, but if experience serves me any good, I know she will probably be too tired to play, so I will remain locked until tomorrow at least. This will mean that Victoria's manservant will be here another day.

I'm not going to make a big deal of it, but slowly and casually, I'm going to to continue to show that there is a correlation between the chastity belt and the visits of Victoria's manservant.

We will see what new developments this brings.

Quick Update

Just a quick update to say that I didn't go to the park to see Sofia, and even though earlier today I felt really stressed (and let's be honest, horny) I am now feeling better about my decision.

I am not going to be at the office next week, so I won't see her for lunch on Thursday either (I told her last week) so maybe with two weeks of not seeing her, the thing will calm down, and when I say the thing, I mostly mean her. I don't think I will calm down, because I have not calmed down in more than 20 years.

Like I said, i will be away a week, so no Sofia, but also no Victoria. Just me with a bunch of coworkers on a business conference.

Also, I posted something new in my Victoria's Playground blog (where I explore chastity play from a more theoretical point of view). It's about how both sides win in a chastity relationship. If interested, you can go HERE.

I have more material already written for that blog, so maybe I'll post something during the week I'll be away (if I have any energy left from aaaaaaall the sex I will be getting alone in a hotel room in another state, which according to my latest calculations will be... uh... Zero)

I hope Victoria gives me a farewell blow job... I know I don't deserve it, but I still hope.

Caught in the act and a Dangerous Invitation.

Part 1: Caught in the Act

It was Sunday morning. Victoria had woken up early and I found the bed empty besides me when I did. I sighed and thought about all things that are not happening, and felt like an idiot remembering those days a couple years back when I could have all the sex I wanted but I was unhappy because I wanted her to dominate me.

My thoughts strayed as they usually do when I'm alone with them for a while, and evolved into fantasies as I started to masturbate. The door was closed and the house was quiet. I edged myself and stopped, wondering if I should just finish it and go along with my day. Yes, I decided. I will take care of this, like Victoria wants and then be able to go outside and be on a better mood.

I was pretty darned excited when all of a sudden the door opened and Victoria walked in, catching me with my slippery penis held with both hands.

"You want me to lock the door?" she asked, unfazed.

My face must have gone from red to purple.

"Can you help me?" I asked, cursing inwardly at the lame sound of my own voice. It was the first time I had spoken that morning and the voice came out more a pathetic whimper than usual. .

She looked at me for a second or two. I totally expected that she was going to say no, but she answered with a question of her own.

"Can you wait?"

I said yes, and she told me that she would be back when she was ready. I don't know how long it was, because I think I may have slipped into sleep for a few minutes there, but she came back and told me to uncover.

"You didn't keep it hard for me," she said looking at my now flaccid member. "You have to keep it hard for me."

"I will," I said, now that I knew.

She told me to get comfortable and gave me a relatively short blowjob, probably just with the intention of shortening the time the handjob would take and then proceeded to take the lotion and do her thing.

Several times she played and placed pressure on my ass, which got me very excited, but then she pulled back, never really entering. I don't know why, but she used to insert her fingers in my ass before, but she has not done it for years (even though now she totally fucks me with the strapon). This back and forth actually caused a delay in the process and she ended up playing with my penis longer than she should have need to.

Eventually she got tired and had me finish the job with my hand while she rubbed my balls and my ass with her other hand. She cuddled with me for a little while, which made me feel closer to her and less depressed. I have been depressed recently because of my lack of closeness with Victoria and my fantasies with my Ex.

Part 2: A dangerous invitation

Which brings me to today. Yes, it is Thursday, and we met again. She wanted to go to the Indian restaurant and of course, just like it was those many years ago when I knew nothing about my own submissiveness, what she wants, she gets. I had a curry made with pistachios. Pretty good. She had a vegetarian dish that I can't pronounce, much less remember. She's no vegetarian, she reminded me, but she liked the ingredients listed on the menu, so went for it.

The lunch went mostly uneventful. She didn't mention anything related to the subject of this blog while we were in the restaurant, and didn't even wear the boots she had word last week, even though she had said she would. I didn't ask why, because I don't want to give her the impression that I am asking her to wear them (which she probably would). After we paid, separately, even though I offer to pay, and walked out she asked me a startling question.

"Want to go to my place Friday night?"

OK, here is where I need to be really honest with myself. I was wondering if something like this was about to happen. I mean, come on! I'm not an idiot! This woman used to suck and swallow me every night! She is not the same girl she was back then, but she has been seeing me for lunch for the last , what, five weeks? Four?

I declined, politely. Why was it so hard? (And not only talking about the decision to say no)

She smiled. Knowingly.

"It's not what you think," she said. "My baby is going to be home, you two can meet. I just want to catch on and talk about things, These lunches go by so fast and there is always people around. I want to get to know you again... be friends."

Oh, the irony...

When I broke up with her that long time ago, she told me that she wanted to continue being friends and I said that I could not be her friend, because after all we had been through together we were "all or nothing". Yep. I actually said that. The wisdom of the ages...

"I'll wear the boots," she said musically, sticking her tongue out at me when I looked.

"You've always worried too much," she said when I said I could not. "Look, I'm not trying to seduce you. I promise. If that changes you'll be the first to know, OK?"

"What?" I asked. Not sure I understood.

"I'm not interested in you right now," she said. "Not THAT way, anyway, but you never know. I might change my mind. If that happens, I'll tell you, so you know I'm not trying to trap you".

"What if you change your mind before Friday?" I asked. Only half joking.

"I'll tell you and you can leave," she said. "If you WANT to."

I looked up again, She laughed. "Oh my god!" She said. "You have not changed!"

I said that I had to leave, but she tried one more time.

"Look," she said, now more serious. "If you feel weird going to my house, How about me and my baby go for a picnic by the boardwalk to watch the sunset and you just happen to walk by and I invite you to have a sandwich with us?"

"Can I think about it?" I asked.

"We'll be there anyway," she said. "from around 6 til dark. You're welcome to drop by and have a sandwich if you want."

"Ok."

We parted.

And I have been thinking about that all day. Why did that woman appear again in my life? Why do I still like her so much that for the very first time I'm actually afraid that I could cheat on Victoria?

It would be so unfair to cheat on Victoria now. She's given me my children and the best years of her life, literally. And has tolerated me and my follies all this time.

I can't.

I can't.

But it's so damned hard!

I don't think I'm going to that picnic. No matter what Sofia says, it is not safe, emotionally for me, even if nothing happens.

More Surprises at the Thursday Deli

I felt bad that what prompted me to write this was an encounter with my ex, Sofia, and not by something that happened with my wife, Victoria. So, I’m adding an update of things with Victoria first. This turned out to be a longer post that I expected, so I left some thoughts out. I may post another one soon with my ideas of what's going on....

A few days ago I wrote about the dream I had when I had sex with Victoria. Well, the next day I told her about it, in what I thought was a totally innocent manner, and she snapped at me. I don’t mean she made one cutting remark, or anything like that. It was a real, full-fledged drill with yelling and the works. She told me how insensitive I was, that I obviously didn’t understand that she was in pain and could not have sex, because when she did she didn’t enjoy and was in so much pain afterwards that she could do nothing else… And she went on and on.

And on...

This was really hurtful and confusing to me, because ever since she told me about her problem, the only times we’ve had penetrative sex have been when she asked for it. I have not asked, and on at least two times, I asked her if she was sure before entering her. One of the times, she she changer her mind and said no, but the other one she rushed me into doing it.

I really think there is a missing link in our communication here, because apparently she feels that I’m pushing her into having sex when nothing could be farther from the truth.

Well, that’s that for Victoria. Clearly I have to have a talk with her.

Now, back to Sofia.

Today, when I walked to what is becoming the Thursday Deli to have lunch, I found Sofia already there. She was sitting on one of the outside tables, next to the one we sat on last week. She was fooling around with her phone, but put it away as soon as she saw me. She smiled as I noticed that she was wearing high-heel boots. The rest of her outfit was a very serious dark grey office set with a short skirt (since she is petite, all her skirts are short) and a white blouse, but I noticed the boots first because she was sitting cross legged so one of her boots extended beyond the table.

I said hello and was about to sit when she told me to stop, which I did, thinking that perhaps there was something on the chair, but there was nothing there.

“Kiss my boot first,” she said pointing to the tip of her black boot and waving it around.

I stood there like an idiot, stammering instead of saying anything. Why was this happening? For the first time in my life a woman had ordered me to kiss her boots and I could not do it. I didn’t know that I could sweat so fast on a relatively fresh day.

“I knew you weren’t going to do it,” she said lowering her foot to the sidewalk and laughing.

I recovered enough to ask her why she had done that and she reminded me of last week, when a hot girl from a nearby office had walked by on boots and I had mentioned that I would kneel and kiss her boots is she asked me.

“Well,” she said after I confirmed that I remembered. “I wanted to show you that you wouldn’t do it, and you should not say you would.”

We both walked into the deli to get food and when we came back, someone else had taken the table, so we sat on the other side and continued to talk while eating.

I mentioned casually that I hoped she had not gone and bought that pair of boots just to prove a point, and she said that I shouldn’t be silly. Why would she spend money to make a point? She explained that she had purchased them a long time back, but only used them for special occasions and rarely for work.

Then she asked me the question: “I knew you were not going to kiss my boots in public, but would have done it if we were alone?”

I had to think about that one. If she had asked last week, or even earlier today, I would have answered yes, of course I would, but after the feelings I experienced when she actually asked, I hesitated. I realized that the fantasy is not that a woman orders me to kiss her boots, but that Victoria does it. I know I can go pay a pro and she will make me kiss and lick her boots to my heart content, but that’s not it. I realized then that I would surely NOT have kissed that other girl’s boots last week, but I could not say outright that I would not have kissed Sofia’s if we were alone.

The difference is that even though we broke up years ago, there is still the connection of having been together and intimate for almost 3 years. This would have been much closer to reality than a pro or the stranger from the other office, but it would still not be Victoria. How would I go home to Victoria after kissing Sofia's boots? But on the other hand, How could I deny that I wanted to do it? 

“I don’t know,” I confessed.

“I think you wouldn’t,” she said. “You feel like you would like to do it, but if push came to shove, you wouldn’t do it.”

“Why are you so sure?” I asked.

“Because that would be like cheating on your wife,” said Sofia. “And you never cheat”.

She paused for a little while, finishing her sandwich and gathering the trash on the tray.

“Remember Diana?” She asked.

I do remember Diana. She was Sofia’s roommate in her first or second year of College, if not both. A hot blue-jeaned blonde with a jerk for a boyfriend who treated her like crap.

“You didn’t cheat on me with her,” said Sofia after I confirmed that I remembered. “And I gave you the perfect chance.”

“You KNEW about that?” I asked, surprised.

“Baby,” she said smiling. “I planned it.”

Let me tell you what happened. This girl Diana had been talking for a while about how she wanted to cheat on her boyfriend and have a secret “adventure” to see how it felt. She never told me this. Sofia did. One day, she suddenly called me at home and told me that Sofia had given her my phone number. It turned out that she was stranded out of town and needed for me to pick her up and bring her over to their apartments. The university was a two hour drive away and I was supposed to head that way later that night, but she sounded really distressed, so I agreed to go pick her up right then.

When I reached the appointed location, I found Diana. She looked gorgeous in her form-fitting jeans and (yes) boots. As we drove away, she told me that she had come to town to have sex with an older guy she knew from before she met her boyfriend, and explained that she did it because she could not stand her boyfriend was wanted to cheat on him. Then she told me that the guy had another friend in his place and were doing drugs and both wanted to take her, so she had fled. During the 2 hour drive she told me how nice I was and how she loved the way I treated Sofia. She totally gave me the vibe that she wanted to replace the cheating goal with me. She even insinuated that her boyfriend and my girlfriend would never know. At her insistence, we stopped at a restaurant for food, and she insisted that she would pay me back, because she had no money. She really hit on me. The fact that Sofia would not be home until late in the evening (at which time I was supposed to see her) came up. I knew then that I could have gotten my way with Diana if I wanted, but I didn’t.

It turns out that Sofia planned it all.

“So it was all fake?” I asked.

“No,” said Sofia. “Diana really wanted to cheat with someone. I just offered you up on the condition that she had to tell me what happened.”

“Why would you do that?” I asked, looking at the time. I had to head back to the office soon.

“I was young and naïve,” she said. “I thought it romantic to test the love you professed. She was beautiful, available and I knew she liked you.”

“But, what if I had taken her on her offer?”

“My loss, I guess,” she said. “Although back then I thought that if you cheated I’d be better off without you.”

“I should have fucked her,” I mused, quickly apologizing for the language.

“Maybe you should have,” said Sofia smiling. “But you didn’t.”

“I didn’t.”

“And I bet you have never cheated on your wife either,” she said.

“No, I haven’t,” I said, with a mixture of pride and embarrassment, although I don’t know why.

The conversation was kind of over, and I had to head back, so we said our farewells and she asked me to put the garbage away, since she was going to stay at the deli a bit longer.

“Should I wear the boots next Thursday?” Sofia asked with an impish grin.

“Only if you promise not to ask me to kiss them,” I said.

“Promise,” she said, a hand to her breast.

And that, as they say, is that…

And then I woke up.

I had nice quiet sex with Victoria last night.

She was laying sideways in bed when I joined her in bed, and as I got under the blankets, I noticed she was wearing a pair of black panties that I like. I went under the blankets but didn't wake her. I toyed with myself a little, got a nice erection, but was too tired and not thinking to pursue anything else.

At some point, my movements must have awakened her, because she moved back towards me, into spooning position. I was still erect and she moaned when she felt it pressing against her pantied bottom. The rest happened too fast, and suddenly the flimsy layer of cloth was gone and I was penetrating her from behind, grabbing her hips and moving rhythmically with her.

I had missed it so much!

It didn't take me too long to get to the edge, and when I was about to come inside my beautiful wife, I woke up...

I blinked. I was exactly in the same position I was in the dream, and was hard as hell, but Victoria was not there. It was already early morning, and she had left the room. It took me a couple minutes to wind down, although my morning wood persisted a little bit longer.

I checked myself and noticed that no, I had not ejaculated in my sleep. That's when I realized, to my frustration, that I had been denied by a dream, teased into thinking I was having sex with Victoria and then have her cruelly taken away from my hands just when I was about to climax.

I have not had sex with Victoria since two weeks ago when she took me with the strap on, and even then it was all for me, as she is in too much pain to accept penetration.

I miss her and I wish that she would let me stimulate her and give her pleasure without penetration. I would be between her legs in no time if she asked, but she never does, and she declines when I offer, even though I have given her orgasms with my mouth before. I think that either she doesn't believe me when I say that I can give her oral sex and she doesn't have to do anything in return or she feels that oral sex is only a prelude and doesn't want to get all worked up if she is not going to finish it with vaginal, penetrative sex. One way or another, she can't have regular sex, and not accepting alternatives, so that's that.

So, here I am, going to work, frustrated by the denial of my own dreams... Add it to the list of reasons to hate Mondays... I am laughing at the absurdity of it all, because I want to be denied, and now I'm upset that I was... Because SHE didn't do it.

Am I just crazy? Please someone tell me this has happened to others.