These are some observations of our progress in the last few days.
JANUARY 4
(Follow up from previous post) I don't remember the reason, and it doesn't matter, but my wife pulled me towards her and smacked my bottom with the kitchen utensil I mentioned in the previous post. It was not hard, but the fact that she go over her initial reticence to using something on my bottom was rewarding. After that, she was giving instructions to me as I was getting dressed and she asked me to repeat something she said. When I did, something was not quite right and she smacked the bed really hard in front of me and made me repeat it. I did so, hoping that the smack that she gave the bed was done in my bottom, but that's okay, because we are progressing.
JANUARY 5
She told me that she would be away most of the day and gave me a (very short) list of things to do before she got back. One of them was to make sure I worked out, to which she added that there would be a lot of fun for me later if I did. I worked out and after she came back home, we went out to dinner and a movie. When we returned, which was almost at midnight, she told me that she was working on a project that required concentration and that she wanted peace and quiet, so she was going to leave again. I told her that she didn't have to, and she made me promise that I would "blend in" with the background, so she would't even notice me. I said that I'd be quiet, but she wanted more. She said that if I got too close to her, or sighed, or stared at her, or acted 'needy' she would lose her concentration and she would leave. I put on earphones and listened to music quietly in a corner until she finished her project, at which time, she turned the light off and went to sleep. I thought I was going to get an orgasm because she was so emphatic on my need to work out, but this is a right I have given up to her, so I can't complain.
JANUARY 6
When I woke up she was gone. I thought she had left the house to work on her project and kind of lingered longer in bed, resigned that my workout of the day before would become invalid, but before I got up, she returned. She began to undress and said that she needed a break, so she wanted to know if I had worked out the day before. Then she said that even though it was not the early morning, she would still call it valid, because she said so. I told her that I had not yet brushed my teeth and she said "Go quickly then, because I want to tongue-kiss you." I ran to the bathroom as she finished undressing.
We kissed for as long as she wanted and then had sex until she had her first orgasm.
"Did you work out today?" She asked while we still moved.
"No," I said. She knew I hadn't.
"Then I guess we are done here," she said, but when I tried to pull out in obedience, she held me closer and asked me. "Did you work out yesterday?"
"Yes," I said meekly.
"Mmm!" She began to push harder. "Are you lying to me?"
"No," I said. I would not lie to her about this, and she knows it, but she seems to enjoy making me tell her.
She didn't say anything, but seemed to be enjoying what we were doing, so I continued. When I felt that the edge was near, I asked her if she had made up her mind.
"Maybe," she said driving me closer to orgasm with each trust.
"Do you want to save me like this for later, or do you want for me to get off right now?" I spoke in her ear.
She cleaved her nails on my back, appeared to consider for a moment and then said "You can come."
I complied.
"Now, get up and get me (3 things I don't remember)" she said after I had rested a little.
I got up and put on a pair of pants to get whatever she had asked for and she started to laugh. I asked her what was the matter and she said
"You are still my 'biatch', and I love it!"
That brought a smile to my face.
JANUARY 7
We woke up a little earlier than the other days. Sadly winter break is over and we have to go back to work on Monday, but we still have the weekend.
I started sweet-talking my wife and telling her how wonderful she is. from there I evolved to rubbing her back and kissing her neck.
"What are you doing?" She asked. "You have not worked out yet,"
"I'm trying to get my energy," I said, pulling her closer.
"You're not trying hard enough," she said.
I interpreted that (correctly, I think) as a green light so, I pulled her closer, pulled her pants down and penetrated her from behind. As I made love to her, she asked me if the energy I received from this was stolen from her somehow. I explained that it was not energy taken from her, but more like making my brain think that an orgasm was coming, letting it prepare for it by releasing the proper hormones and then using the energy for other things. She said that it was funny, how even though we consciously know these things, there is still something inside our bodies that makes them work. She also commented that it makes her wonder how many other things in life we really don't have any control over, even though we think we do.
After that, she let herself go into an orgasm, but she was quiet and I was not sure she was done. She told me it was time to stop.
"Really?" I asked. "You had pleasure?"
"Yes," she answered, then explained that there are different types of orgasms, something that I'm not sure I understand (okay, I admit, something I don't understand at all).
"Yesterday's, was explosive, like totally awesome" she explained. "Today's was soft and tender, but I enjoyed them both."
"Now, go get me breakfast," she said immediately as I pulled myself out of her. "I want waffles, two of them and one egg. Now, the last time you put too little syrup, so get me more syrup this time. Oh, and I don't care how you do this, but I feel like having a strawberry, so I want a strawberry on top."
She was laughing, because we both knew that there are no strawberries in the house and she would not wait for me to go get one anywhere.
"Do you like asking for the impossible?" I asked.
"Sometimes it's fun," she said.
"And what's going to happen if I can't bring you a strawberry?"
"I haven't planned it that far yet," she said.
I prepared her breakfast as instructed and found some multi-flavored candy left from last week. I pick the red ones and tasted a couple to find which color was strawberry. I think I found it and placed the last candy of that flavor on top of the syrup-soaked waffles.
"Look!" She exclaimed when she saw the candy. "My man went to the highest mountain, crossed the deepest ocean and fought a dragon to get me a strawberry!"
She gave me three things to do today. Two of which are almost done already, so it's really not that much. I asked her if there was anything else I could do for her.
"I'll let you know if I need anything," she said, and my penis gave a little jolt at the thought.
"That's because you are a hunter," she said when I mentioned the sensation. "Your purpose is to go, do and get things for me."
I loved her more at that moment, if such a thing is possible.
Later, when we were getting ready to go out, she was wearing a pair of beautiful sandals that leave most of her feet bare. For some reason, I find almost bare to be sexier than completely bare and I could not stop staring at her feet.
"What should I wear?" I asked.
She picked a shirt and pants and I asked her if she was sure. The pants were one size too small and I thought they would not fit.
"Look," she said. "I never tell you what to wear and the one time I do, you question me?"
I quickly realized my mistake and apologized, kneeling on the floor in front of her and kissing her feet all over. "I will wear the clothes you picked up for me," I said. "I'm sorry."
"You have to learn not to read so much into things!
After I stood up and put my clothes on, I noticed that I have actually lost enough weight that the pants look good on me. I mentioned that I lost weight.
"I know," she said. "You were too heavy for me before, when we made love, but now you are okay."
I didn't answer, but was surely enjoying the compliment when she made it even better.
"Your penis also feels bigger when you lose weight."
It seems I'm learning some good stuff here, so I need to keep losing weight for her.
Now, we are getting ready to out together. She said that we will walk instead of drive and this will count as my workout, because she is asking me to do it.
COMMENTS
Things are progressing better than I expected. My wife is bringing the sexuality up more often and using it to get her way with me. She has denied me during sex a few times now and seems comfortable with the idea, even though before she tried she had told me that she would probably never do it. She has called me her "biatch" a couple times now and seems to have accepted the idea of requiring me to complete a task or a set of tasks in order to deserve sexual release.
She has told me a couple times also that she is going to "kick my butt" later. I look forward to submitting to whatever her vision of kicking my butt is when she finally decides to do it. I have learned to be patient and let her work things out in her mind first, so the fact that she is mentioning it is enough for now.
With Winter break coming to a close, things will become more hectic around here and maybe less conducive to tease and denial activities, but I hope we can figure out a way to keep the flames hot.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Caught and denied.
This morning, when my wife woke up, I was ready with huge erection to serve her. I knew I had not worked out yesterday, but I was willing to let her use me like she did yesterday. Leaving me unfulfilled after having her orgasm accelerated my horniness by a factor of several days, so even though right now, I have only been denied a couple of days, I feel like it has been much, much longer.
When I tried to approach her, she said no. She said that she was still satisfied from yesterday and didn't need me. She did allow me, however to serve her breakfast in bed. She asked for cereal with milk and I added the last banana we had. I went to the bathroom and when I entered the room again, found her laying in bed with the banana between her breasts, caressing and rubbing it as if it were a phallus.
"Oh," she said teasingly as she smelled the banana, rubbing it on her cheek and kissing it. "I love bananas. I love their shape and how long and firm they are! I wish there was something more real that could make me feel like this, but regrettably there is nothing..."
I was so horny that I wanted to do anything, even if I didn't get relief. I offered.
"Are you begging for sex?" she asked.
"No," I said unsure, but quickly reconsidered. "Yes."
She laughed at me, informed me that she was going out and asked me if I still had things to do from the list she had given me the day before. I told her the status and she pointed our a couple of things to give priority to. Then she left, saying that she would be home before nightfall, so I should make sure I worked out.
Before she left, she changed and before putting her underwear on, she bent over and rubbed herself against my erection.
"Ohh, am I being mean?" she purred when she heard my agitated breathing.
"Yes," I said, my voice breaking a little.
"Good. That was the idea."
"Don't worry," I promised. "I'll make sure I work out today."
"Oh, baby, I'm not worried. You are the one who has to live with the consequences... I have no consequences."
With that, she pushed me into the bed and grabbed me by my penis.
"Now, you need to put this away."
"I can't," I responded. "There is no sheath to place it."
"That's right," She said with finality.
What we were referring to was a brief exchange we had the other day when she told me that she would not allow me to call her sexual opening by its name anymore because she had read that the term was a derivation from Latin that meant "a dagger's sheath". Since she considered the term sexist, I would not be allowed to use it anymore. from now on, I am to refer to it as her delicate "flower". I considered the name silly, but if that is the way she chooses to dominate me, I will comply, so from now on, a flower it is, and oh, how much I want to smell the flower right now ;)
Later, I went through the several blogs I read and was toying with my penis a bit and was about to do some self-spanking with a kitchen spatula when she surprisingly arrived. She found the bedroom door locked and knocked. I pulled my pants up and opened the door.
"If you keep playing with it, it's going to fall off."
She had caught me, so there was no denying it.
"I'm sorry," I said.
Then she found the kitchen spatula, which idiot me had left on her side of the bed.
"What is this?" She asked. "Where did you get this and what is it doing on my bed?"
"It's a spatula," I said lamely.
"This is not ours," she said. "Did you steal it?"
"No," I said.
"Why are you so nervous?" she asked. "What have you been doing?"
I knew I had to confess. I told her the truth. I had bought the spatula about three years ago, in our old house, in a fit of kink, and had given it to her together with a blindfold and a note where I asked her to blindfold me and spank me with the spatula. Back then, she had been offended and had thrown the bag, note and all on my little storage area. Today, she remembered nothing of the event.
I explained that I still had it because I hoped that she would spank me with it. She said that she would spank me but with her hands, because she "is not kinky". I told her that I didn't want her to hurt her hands and that if she spanked me while we were having sex. like she had done back in the day, she could not really reach. I mentioned that if she just spanked me outside of sex, then it didn't mattered because she could put me in any position she wanted.
I don't know how much of this sunk in, so it will have to be seen, but it is a little more information out there in the open. We'll see if she chooses to act on it or not. I'm secretly hoping that she would get mad and decide to really spank me. Even though I'm a little afraid of real pain, I have always been curious as to what feelings it will elicit, especially combined with tease and denial.
The rest of the day passed normally, with me fully expecting to get some, but she just announced that she is tired and is going to sleep. I wonder if she is upset about catching me playing with myself or because I just confessed that I want to be spanked, or if she is just tired and tomorrow everything will take from where it let off today.
The intensity of my feelings is playing tricks on my head.
When I tried to approach her, she said no. She said that she was still satisfied from yesterday and didn't need me. She did allow me, however to serve her breakfast in bed. She asked for cereal with milk and I added the last banana we had. I went to the bathroom and when I entered the room again, found her laying in bed with the banana between her breasts, caressing and rubbing it as if it were a phallus.
"Oh," she said teasingly as she smelled the banana, rubbing it on her cheek and kissing it. "I love bananas. I love their shape and how long and firm they are! I wish there was something more real that could make me feel like this, but regrettably there is nothing..."
I was so horny that I wanted to do anything, even if I didn't get relief. I offered.
"Are you begging for sex?" she asked.
"No," I said unsure, but quickly reconsidered. "Yes."
She laughed at me, informed me that she was going out and asked me if I still had things to do from the list she had given me the day before. I told her the status and she pointed our a couple of things to give priority to. Then she left, saying that she would be home before nightfall, so I should make sure I worked out.
Before she left, she changed and before putting her underwear on, she bent over and rubbed herself against my erection.
"Ohh, am I being mean?" she purred when she heard my agitated breathing.
"Yes," I said, my voice breaking a little.
"Good. That was the idea."
"Don't worry," I promised. "I'll make sure I work out today."
"Oh, baby, I'm not worried. You are the one who has to live with the consequences... I have no consequences."
With that, she pushed me into the bed and grabbed me by my penis.
"Now, you need to put this away."
"I can't," I responded. "There is no sheath to place it."
"That's right," She said with finality.
What we were referring to was a brief exchange we had the other day when she told me that she would not allow me to call her sexual opening by its name anymore because she had read that the term was a derivation from Latin that meant "a dagger's sheath". Since she considered the term sexist, I would not be allowed to use it anymore. from now on, I am to refer to it as her delicate "flower". I considered the name silly, but if that is the way she chooses to dominate me, I will comply, so from now on, a flower it is, and oh, how much I want to smell the flower right now ;)
Later, I went through the several blogs I read and was toying with my penis a bit and was about to do some self-spanking with a kitchen spatula when she surprisingly arrived. She found the bedroom door locked and knocked. I pulled my pants up and opened the door.
"If you keep playing with it, it's going to fall off."
She had caught me, so there was no denying it.
"I'm sorry," I said.
Then she found the kitchen spatula, which idiot me had left on her side of the bed.
"What is this?" She asked. "Where did you get this and what is it doing on my bed?"
"It's a spatula," I said lamely.
"This is not ours," she said. "Did you steal it?"
"No," I said.
"Why are you so nervous?" she asked. "What have you been doing?"
I knew I had to confess. I told her the truth. I had bought the spatula about three years ago, in our old house, in a fit of kink, and had given it to her together with a blindfold and a note where I asked her to blindfold me and spank me with the spatula. Back then, she had been offended and had thrown the bag, note and all on my little storage area. Today, she remembered nothing of the event.
I explained that I still had it because I hoped that she would spank me with it. She said that she would spank me but with her hands, because she "is not kinky". I told her that I didn't want her to hurt her hands and that if she spanked me while we were having sex. like she had done back in the day, she could not really reach. I mentioned that if she just spanked me outside of sex, then it didn't mattered because she could put me in any position she wanted.
I don't know how much of this sunk in, so it will have to be seen, but it is a little more information out there in the open. We'll see if she chooses to act on it or not. I'm secretly hoping that she would get mad and decide to really spank me. Even though I'm a little afraid of real pain, I have always been curious as to what feelings it will elicit, especially combined with tease and denial.
The rest of the day passed normally, with me fully expecting to get some, but she just announced that she is tired and is going to sleep. I wonder if she is upset about catching me playing with myself or because I just confessed that I want to be spanked, or if she is just tired and tomorrow everything will take from where it let off today.
The intensity of my feelings is playing tricks on my head.
Monday, January 2, 2012
New Year, More New Developments
After opening up to my wife and expressing my wish to be sexually controlled by her, she decided to deny me for another day, but on December 31, she pulled me over, told me that I have been "very good" lately and that since it was a special day, she wanted to make an exception and have sex with me.
Being that I had been denied for a week, I quickly responded, but did my best not to ejaculate before she had at least one orgasm. I was successful at one, but having her tell me to go ahead and in her words "go for it, baby!" was more than I could resist, so I more or less obediently came.
After that, she told me that I would have to work out double, but later she said that if I took her dancing that night, she would count it as a work out. It was indeed a work out, as we danced until my legs (and hers) were about to give up.
The next morning, V had a bad hangover, so she asked me to do the dishes and cook, because we were expecting visitors for dinner (otherwise, she would have called it a Sandwich Sunday, something not uncommon in our household). She told me to recruit the help of the kids, but I thought that would be a great opportunity to give her service and told her not to worry a bit. I did the dishes and made dinner while my honey slept her huge headache away.
When we sat with the visitors and had dinner, she was complimented on her cooking and she confessed that she had just woken up and thanked "anyone who helped making such a great dinner". I didn't say anything, but the kids mentioned that it was all me. The proud look she game me was one of the highlights of my day, and it would have been THE highlight of my day except for what followed.
When I entered the room, she pulled me over and said "I'm back!" We kissed, and she teased the hell out of me and my erection. She laughed at it, told me to put it away and told me that since I hadn't worked out (per our agreement, my workouts are "valid" the day they happen and the early morning of the next day, meaning before we get out of bed) I had no options, other than to sleep near her naked body and think of what I was missing.
I need to say that it was a "hard" night and I didn't sleep all of it. Having my wife's nakedness in my hands and not being able to do anything about it was a powerful reminder of the power I have given her.
In the morning, she turned her back towards me and started rubbing herself against my erection (no, it was not up all night, although it seemed so) and making purring sounds. All I wanted was to grab her and make love to her and when she asked me "What's the matter, baby? Are you afraid of me?" I could not help it and just penetrated her.
"Are you being bad?" she asked as she rocked back and forth.
"I hope I'm being good," I said.
"Oh, yes, you are," she finished.
I turned her around and climbed on top. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I pumped her hard. This is the position that causes her the fastest and strongest orgasms, and in no time she was panting with her first one.
"I'm done," she said suddenly, placing her hand on my chest. "Thank you."
As I realized that her "first" orgasm was going to be the only one that was going to be had, she pushed me gently away. I could not believe she was going to deny me like that, which is a dream come true for me and another milestone on the road to FLR. She patted the bed besides her and beckoned with the other finger.
"Come here, baby."
I did and we cuddled in silence for a while. I almost felt like crying.
"It worked," I said after a while. "I cannot believe you did it, but I feel totally under your power. You are my Queen. Thank you."
"And I don't feel guilty at all," said she gifting me with her ample smile.
"Feel free to do it anytime you want," I said kissing her all over, my heart brimming with gratitude and lust.
"I only allowed myself one orgasm," she said. "But it was a good one. Maybe later, I'll go for it again"
We talked for a while and then I asked her what she wanted to have for breakfast. She asked for waffles and eggs, which I happily prepared. After eating, she said that she had a bunch of things for me to do today, including downloading a to-do list application for my hand-held device, which I immediately did and filled with the tasks that she gave me. Right now, with a fresh new set of tasks in hand, a deliciosuly lustful feeling of denial and an immmnse love for the object of my adoration, I need to stop writing and get to work.
I have the feeling that 2012 is going to be a good, good year!
Being that I had been denied for a week, I quickly responded, but did my best not to ejaculate before she had at least one orgasm. I was successful at one, but having her tell me to go ahead and in her words "go for it, baby!" was more than I could resist, so I more or less obediently came.
After that, she told me that I would have to work out double, but later she said that if I took her dancing that night, she would count it as a work out. It was indeed a work out, as we danced until my legs (and hers) were about to give up.
The next morning, V had a bad hangover, so she asked me to do the dishes and cook, because we were expecting visitors for dinner (otherwise, she would have called it a Sandwich Sunday, something not uncommon in our household). She told me to recruit the help of the kids, but I thought that would be a great opportunity to give her service and told her not to worry a bit. I did the dishes and made dinner while my honey slept her huge headache away.
When we sat with the visitors and had dinner, she was complimented on her cooking and she confessed that she had just woken up and thanked "anyone who helped making such a great dinner". I didn't say anything, but the kids mentioned that it was all me. The proud look she game me was one of the highlights of my day, and it would have been THE highlight of my day except for what followed.
When I entered the room, she pulled me over and said "I'm back!" We kissed, and she teased the hell out of me and my erection. She laughed at it, told me to put it away and told me that since I hadn't worked out (per our agreement, my workouts are "valid" the day they happen and the early morning of the next day, meaning before we get out of bed) I had no options, other than to sleep near her naked body and think of what I was missing.
I need to say that it was a "hard" night and I didn't sleep all of it. Having my wife's nakedness in my hands and not being able to do anything about it was a powerful reminder of the power I have given her.
In the morning, she turned her back towards me and started rubbing herself against my erection (no, it was not up all night, although it seemed so) and making purring sounds. All I wanted was to grab her and make love to her and when she asked me "What's the matter, baby? Are you afraid of me?" I could not help it and just penetrated her.
"Are you being bad?" she asked as she rocked back and forth.
"I hope I'm being good," I said.
"Oh, yes, you are," she finished.
I turned her around and climbed on top. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I pumped her hard. This is the position that causes her the fastest and strongest orgasms, and in no time she was panting with her first one.
"I'm done," she said suddenly, placing her hand on my chest. "Thank you."
As I realized that her "first" orgasm was going to be the only one that was going to be had, she pushed me gently away. I could not believe she was going to deny me like that, which is a dream come true for me and another milestone on the road to FLR. She patted the bed besides her and beckoned with the other finger.
"Come here, baby."
I did and we cuddled in silence for a while. I almost felt like crying.
"It worked," I said after a while. "I cannot believe you did it, but I feel totally under your power. You are my Queen. Thank you."
"And I don't feel guilty at all," said she gifting me with her ample smile.
"Feel free to do it anytime you want," I said kissing her all over, my heart brimming with gratitude and lust.
"I only allowed myself one orgasm," she said. "But it was a good one. Maybe later, I'll go for it again"
We talked for a while and then I asked her what she wanted to have for breakfast. She asked for waffles and eggs, which I happily prepared. After eating, she said that she had a bunch of things for me to do today, including downloading a to-do list application for my hand-held device, which I immediately did and filled with the tasks that she gave me. Right now, with a fresh new set of tasks in hand, a deliciosuly lustful feeling of denial and an immmnse love for the object of my adoration, I need to stop writing and get to work.
I have the feeling that 2012 is going to be a good, good year!
Friday, December 30, 2011
I came out!
I apologize for the somewhat longish post, but this is a milestone that deserves mention.
I came out this morning.
Yes, after several years of struggling with the idea, I finally admitted to my wife the full extent of my submissiveness to her. No more stealth submission, no more figuring out how my wife is going to react, no more fear (or at least not in the same sense).
How did it happen?
Well, I have been denied for more than a week now and as horny as I have ever been, so my wife brought the subject of my 'horniness' up and asked me why I thought that men want to chase after what they can't have instead of having what they can have. This brought up a rather lengthy conversation where we talked about men being natural hunters and being more interested in the process of hunting rather than in the previously hunted prey.
I admitted that I was horny as hell and that I loved the way I felt when I desired her.
"So, how exactly do you feel?" She asked. I knew I wouldn't have another opportunity such as this, so I pounced. I told her I felt energized, powerful, focused and manly, but not in the sense of being opposed to feminine, but like a hunter after its prey. She said that she understood. She also said that it is very interesting that after all this years, she's discovered that the way to keep me happy is not to follow her mother's advice of fulfilling and anticipating my masculine "needs" and being always available for sex, but to actually play hard to get and to give me something to chase after.
I was very motivated by her words, so I admitted to it. I said that I wanted to have her, but only when she wanted me to have her, and never because she thought I needed it.
"Wow," she said. "I was thinking of pleasuring you orally today, but now you're not getting any, baby!"
With all the days I have been denied already, I felt a bit of fear creeping up when she said that, but I was strong and stayed the course. I talked to her about the fact that I have read many books on the topic, because I felt that I was abnormal or deviant, but that after several years of study and our recent experiment with denial based on lack of exercise, I was convinced that this was what I wanted. I spoke about the imagery of the knight pledging allegiance to a lady, I spoke about chivalry and how modern society with its emphasis on equality had robbed men of the opportunity to perform the role they have been born to perform, which is to protect, provide and serve. She told me that women have been robbed too, because in their chase for equality, they have lost sight of their need to be nurtured, protected and loved by their men. I could not believe my ears! My own wife, the most vanilla of vanilla, was not only understanding my feelings, but expressing some of her own.
I talked to her about some of the websites I have visited and told her that although I don;t agree with everything, I have obtained a little here and a little there. She said that she would rather not read about sex, and that she's prefer to make her own "connections". Now I realize that I don't know what she meant by connections, but my guess is that she feels like she is discovering these things on her own and she prefers it this way. In the end, she told me that she's interested in Lady Misato's website (Real women don't do housework) and I told her that I have to look it up because I haven't seen it in a while and didn't remember it. I also confessed that I have had a copy of Around her Finger, by Ken Addison that I've kept for years but that I wanted to give it to her. She accepted it and said that she doesn't have too much time to read (I know that), but will get back to me when she does (in about two years). I went to my desk and pulled the book from where I had secretly been hoping she'd "accidentally" find it, which she never did, and gave it to her.
She asked me what the gist of the book was and I said something along the lines of: This is a book written by a man presenting the theory that all men, given the opportunity to learn it, would like nothing more than being wrapped around their wife's finger, and that the book was written in story form. My wife said that maybe it may be easier to read in story form.
Then she mentioned something that worried her. She said that she liked their men "manly" bold and articulate and that would put their feet down when necessary, but that the whole thing sounded "needy" to her. She said that she has always been wary of "neediness" because she grew up with people who used to manipulate her with their needs. She said that she didn't want to feel that I was manipulating her and asked me what I thought about it. I mentioned that one of the sites I've read actually talk about this issue, but before I could go any further, she said that we'll figure it out as we go along.
I asked her to feel free to tell me if I was acting "needy" and she insisted that we will figure it out as we go, so I dropped it.
What happened next surprised me, although perhaps it shouldn't have. She hugged me and told me that she loved me and that she was happy that we could talk about these things. She confessed that there was a time a few years back when she had wanted to leave me (horror, I didn't know that!) but that she was happy that we had stayed together, because now she thought that we had a good thing going.
Then she proceeded to ask me to bring her breakfast in bed and to make sure everyone else ate. After that, she asked me to go to the store get a movie for tonight, buy milk, vitamins and some materials for her crafts. She also told me that she wants me to take art lessons and when I said I was not sure, she told me that I will do it anyway because she will make me. She said that I have much talent and that she's not going to allow me to waste it.
Later, she went to the park with the girls and I stayed home washing and folding laundry. Later, while she engaged in a leisure activity and a hot bath, I did all the dishes (Why are 18 dirty plates for just one meal?)
There were other things to the conversation, but I'm not too clear as to exactly where they go. Here are a couple of examples:
1) "If men like the hunt, why do they go for hookers?"
My answer was that they probably don't know what they really want. V added that maybe they get desperate because they feel they are lacking something and they think they will find it in sex.
2) "So this (the need for the hunt) explains a lot of why middle aged men go after younger lovers." She threatened me with some unspecified calamity if I ever considered going after another woman. I told her that she is all the woman I need and I'm in deep love with her.
3) "Women still need to be rescued, we just substituted slaying dragons with helping out around the house". This is almost what Lady Misato said in her site: "Your husband is happier because he is a hero. He comes to your rescue by doing the chores around the house and by satisfying you sexually".
There were many others, but the main idea is that I brought my feelings into the open and was not rejected by her. On the contrary, it seems like she will embrace them and me. The extent of her understanding was astonishing. No doubt, my hidden submission and all the little things that I've been doing in the recent past have helped her reach some conclusions on he own. I can't wait to see how she decides to proceed, but will do my best to remain calm and not "needy", since she has told me directly that neediness is a turn-off for her.
Now, as my wife takes a warm bath and I finish folding her laundry, I stand here at the verge of a new year with a mix of love, lust, fear, hope and gratitude. It has taken a long time to get here, and I cant wait to see where we go from here.
Happy New Year!
I came out this morning.
Yes, after several years of struggling with the idea, I finally admitted to my wife the full extent of my submissiveness to her. No more stealth submission, no more figuring out how my wife is going to react, no more fear (or at least not in the same sense).
How did it happen?
Well, I have been denied for more than a week now and as horny as I have ever been, so my wife brought the subject of my 'horniness' up and asked me why I thought that men want to chase after what they can't have instead of having what they can have. This brought up a rather lengthy conversation where we talked about men being natural hunters and being more interested in the process of hunting rather than in the previously hunted prey.
I admitted that I was horny as hell and that I loved the way I felt when I desired her.
"So, how exactly do you feel?" She asked. I knew I wouldn't have another opportunity such as this, so I pounced. I told her I felt energized, powerful, focused and manly, but not in the sense of being opposed to feminine, but like a hunter after its prey. She said that she understood. She also said that it is very interesting that after all this years, she's discovered that the way to keep me happy is not to follow her mother's advice of fulfilling and anticipating my masculine "needs" and being always available for sex, but to actually play hard to get and to give me something to chase after.
I was very motivated by her words, so I admitted to it. I said that I wanted to have her, but only when she wanted me to have her, and never because she thought I needed it.
"Wow," she said. "I was thinking of pleasuring you orally today, but now you're not getting any, baby!"
With all the days I have been denied already, I felt a bit of fear creeping up when she said that, but I was strong and stayed the course. I talked to her about the fact that I have read many books on the topic, because I felt that I was abnormal or deviant, but that after several years of study and our recent experiment with denial based on lack of exercise, I was convinced that this was what I wanted. I spoke about the imagery of the knight pledging allegiance to a lady, I spoke about chivalry and how modern society with its emphasis on equality had robbed men of the opportunity to perform the role they have been born to perform, which is to protect, provide and serve. She told me that women have been robbed too, because in their chase for equality, they have lost sight of their need to be nurtured, protected and loved by their men. I could not believe my ears! My own wife, the most vanilla of vanilla, was not only understanding my feelings, but expressing some of her own.
I talked to her about some of the websites I have visited and told her that although I don;t agree with everything, I have obtained a little here and a little there. She said that she would rather not read about sex, and that she's prefer to make her own "connections". Now I realize that I don't know what she meant by connections, but my guess is that she feels like she is discovering these things on her own and she prefers it this way. In the end, she told me that she's interested in Lady Misato's website (Real women don't do housework) and I told her that I have to look it up because I haven't seen it in a while and didn't remember it. I also confessed that I have had a copy of Around her Finger, by Ken Addison that I've kept for years but that I wanted to give it to her. She accepted it and said that she doesn't have too much time to read (I know that), but will get back to me when she does (in about two years). I went to my desk and pulled the book from where I had secretly been hoping she'd "accidentally" find it, which she never did, and gave it to her.
She asked me what the gist of the book was and I said something along the lines of: This is a book written by a man presenting the theory that all men, given the opportunity to learn it, would like nothing more than being wrapped around their wife's finger, and that the book was written in story form. My wife said that maybe it may be easier to read in story form.
Then she mentioned something that worried her. She said that she liked their men "manly" bold and articulate and that would put their feet down when necessary, but that the whole thing sounded "needy" to her. She said that she has always been wary of "neediness" because she grew up with people who used to manipulate her with their needs. She said that she didn't want to feel that I was manipulating her and asked me what I thought about it. I mentioned that one of the sites I've read actually talk about this issue, but before I could go any further, she said that we'll figure it out as we go along.
I asked her to feel free to tell me if I was acting "needy" and she insisted that we will figure it out as we go, so I dropped it.
What happened next surprised me, although perhaps it shouldn't have. She hugged me and told me that she loved me and that she was happy that we could talk about these things. She confessed that there was a time a few years back when she had wanted to leave me (horror, I didn't know that!) but that she was happy that we had stayed together, because now she thought that we had a good thing going.
Then she proceeded to ask me to bring her breakfast in bed and to make sure everyone else ate. After that, she asked me to go to the store get a movie for tonight, buy milk, vitamins and some materials for her crafts. She also told me that she wants me to take art lessons and when I said I was not sure, she told me that I will do it anyway because she will make me. She said that I have much talent and that she's not going to allow me to waste it.
Later, she went to the park with the girls and I stayed home washing and folding laundry. Later, while she engaged in a leisure activity and a hot bath, I did all the dishes (Why are 18 dirty plates for just one meal?)
There were other things to the conversation, but I'm not too clear as to exactly where they go. Here are a couple of examples:
1) "If men like the hunt, why do they go for hookers?"
My answer was that they probably don't know what they really want. V added that maybe they get desperate because they feel they are lacking something and they think they will find it in sex.
2) "So this (the need for the hunt) explains a lot of why middle aged men go after younger lovers." She threatened me with some unspecified calamity if I ever considered going after another woman. I told her that she is all the woman I need and I'm in deep love with her.
3) "Women still need to be rescued, we just substituted slaying dragons with helping out around the house". This is almost what Lady Misato said in her site: "Your husband is happier because he is a hero. He comes to your rescue by doing the chores around the house and by satisfying you sexually".
There were many others, but the main idea is that I brought my feelings into the open and was not rejected by her. On the contrary, it seems like she will embrace them and me. The extent of her understanding was astonishing. No doubt, my hidden submission and all the little things that I've been doing in the recent past have helped her reach some conclusions on he own. I can't wait to see how she decides to proceed, but will do my best to remain calm and not "needy", since she has told me directly that neediness is a turn-off for her.
Now, as my wife takes a warm bath and I finish folding her laundry, I stand here at the verge of a new year with a mix of love, lust, fear, hope and gratitude. It has taken a long time to get here, and I cant wait to see where we go from here.
Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Little things that mean a lot
Because of a health condition, I had not been able to work out for the last few days. V has kept me denied. I'm glad that my problem didn't become cause for her to have pity on me.
"What do you want?" She asked me last night when she turned around and caught me staring at her bottom.
"You know," I said a little shy. I'm not naturally shy, but since she began conditioning my orgasms, I seem to feel shy when alone in her presence.
"I know," she said with a crooked smile, getting closer and grabbing my member, with readily came up to receive her attention. "But, are you going to get it?"
"No?" I answered, a small portion of me hoping that she would have mercy, the rest of me begging for her to remain firm.
"No, you're not going to, and do you know why?" She kept rubbing my now fully-erect penis.
"Because I haven't worked out?" I could not even look at her in the eye, and I think she noticed.
She laughed, pushed my penis away and said with finality: "You have been a bad boy and need to be punished."
She left the room. I was denied again. I could not believe just how small and insignificant her simple gesture made me feel, and how erotic it was. I think she is becoming aware of the nature of her power over me, although she still has not figured out the magnitude of it.
I love this woman.
This morning she pointed to her calendar. There are little symbols there that she uses to keep track of our love making.
"Look," she said. "We are not getting enough sex around here, and I'm horny."
I felt like the world was taken from under my feet. I felt like telling her that she didn't have to be horny, that I would work for her pleasure alone and then accept to be denied mine. That I would be there for her and her alone; that she owned my full devotion and I would never let her go wanting, unless that was her desire.
I felt so many things...
But all those feelings and thoughts flushed through my brain in only seconds, and there was no time to answer, because she was still talking.
"You HAVE to work out today." She finished before leaving the room.
Needless to say, I did work out today. She went to bed and told me to wake her up in the morning and "we would see"
I hope she denies me again, but I hope in doing that she doesn't deny herself. I don't want to bring the subject up again, however, as she has already mentioned that she doesn't want to do it.
We'll see in the morning...
"What do you want?" She asked me last night when she turned around and caught me staring at her bottom.
"You know," I said a little shy. I'm not naturally shy, but since she began conditioning my orgasms, I seem to feel shy when alone in her presence.
"I know," she said with a crooked smile, getting closer and grabbing my member, with readily came up to receive her attention. "But, are you going to get it?"
"No?" I answered, a small portion of me hoping that she would have mercy, the rest of me begging for her to remain firm.
"No, you're not going to, and do you know why?" She kept rubbing my now fully-erect penis.
"Because I haven't worked out?" I could not even look at her in the eye, and I think she noticed.
She laughed, pushed my penis away and said with finality: "You have been a bad boy and need to be punished."
She left the room. I was denied again. I could not believe just how small and insignificant her simple gesture made me feel, and how erotic it was. I think she is becoming aware of the nature of her power over me, although she still has not figured out the magnitude of it.
I love this woman.
This morning she pointed to her calendar. There are little symbols there that she uses to keep track of our love making.
"Look," she said. "We are not getting enough sex around here, and I'm horny."
I felt like the world was taken from under my feet. I felt like telling her that she didn't have to be horny, that I would work for her pleasure alone and then accept to be denied mine. That I would be there for her and her alone; that she owned my full devotion and I would never let her go wanting, unless that was her desire.
I felt so many things...
But all those feelings and thoughts flushed through my brain in only seconds, and there was no time to answer, because she was still talking.
"You HAVE to work out today." She finished before leaving the room.
Needless to say, I did work out today. She went to bed and told me to wake her up in the morning and "we would see"
I hope she denies me again, but I hope in doing that she doesn't deny herself. I don't want to bring the subject up again, however, as she has already mentioned that she doesn't want to do it.
We'll see in the morning...
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I feel manly... Is that strange?
I've been having an interesting thought recently, a discovery, if I may, one that I didn't quite expect from what I've read on the subject of Female Dominance. I headed into my attempt to a FLM fully expecting that somehow by being dominated by a woman, I would feel less as a man. However, after struggling with my own feelings for years, I came to conclude that yes, I am submissive, and if that's what it took, so be it.
It turns out that the feeling I get when I'm denied, which until now, I had not been able to articulate it or give it a name, is "manly". I struggle somewhat with the word, because because it seems as if it doesn't quite match what I'm feeling in the full sense, but still, it is what it is. I don't precisely mean "manly" as opposed to "womanly", because there's nothing womanly about me after an orgasm, or as opposed to "childish" either.
I guess I could say "manly" as in more human, as opposed to a thing, a vegetable (such as a couch potato) or a mass of flesh and fat slumbering around without any purpose in life other than to eat, sleep, complain and have sex.
If I were forced to come up with a definition of what I mean by the word "manly" in this context, I'd say "purposeful, focused, energetic, determined, bold, aggressive, brave, proactive". Admittedly, none of these attributes are inherently masculine, but I can't deny that I feel more of a man when I'm horny. I think it's something primitive, probably related to us men being hunters and stuff. By denying me, my wife has given me a prey to hunt, and the old me has come to life again.
While being denied by V for several days, particularly after the heavy teasing I described on another post, I felt powerful and strong, like nothing could stop me. I guess I was high on brain chemicals. At work, not only did I find my mind sharper, but I also found that my coworkers didn't stand a chance when disagreeing with me. Most things went my way at work, and people seemed to accept my leadership without much of an argument, including the office hag that always had her way. I had people approach me and tell me how glad they were that I was there and to thank me for the things I did and said. Somehow, I found myself to be more articulate and convincing than usual.
If only they knew that the renewed wit and creative problem solving that helped me dominate at work was caused by my submissiveness at home... Oh, the irony!
Seriously, it felt as if I was back in my younger days, when I was considered by many to be smarter than average, my career advanced very fast and I seemed to land every job opportunity I set my eyes on. Somehow, over the years I've felt as if that spark was lost. As if I had descended to the level of mediocre performance and lazy work-avoidance. Beind denied has taught me that the faculties of my younger self are not lost, just dulled by too much prolactin. Yes, I've been reading about the hormone prolactin, which is released after orgasm, and the effects that it has on men.
While some may disagree with my choice of the word "manly" as a descriptor, the word itself is not what matters here. I would be much more interested in a discussion of the feeling itself. Is this something you (or your significant other) experience? Do you feel sharper, smarter, stronger, more focused, when you are being denied? How do you feel (besides submissive)?
As for me, I had release twice yesterday and can't wait to feel "manly" again.
Very manly... but how to tell my wife? I find it hard to explain even to myself...
It turns out that the feeling I get when I'm denied, which until now, I had not been able to articulate it or give it a name, is "manly". I struggle somewhat with the word, because because it seems as if it doesn't quite match what I'm feeling in the full sense, but still, it is what it is. I don't precisely mean "manly" as opposed to "womanly", because there's nothing womanly about me after an orgasm, or as opposed to "childish" either.
I guess I could say "manly" as in more human, as opposed to a thing, a vegetable (such as a couch potato) or a mass of flesh and fat slumbering around without any purpose in life other than to eat, sleep, complain and have sex.
If I were forced to come up with a definition of what I mean by the word "manly" in this context, I'd say "purposeful, focused, energetic, determined, bold, aggressive, brave, proactive". Admittedly, none of these attributes are inherently masculine, but I can't deny that I feel more of a man when I'm horny. I think it's something primitive, probably related to us men being hunters and stuff. By denying me, my wife has given me a prey to hunt, and the old me has come to life again.
While being denied by V for several days, particularly after the heavy teasing I described on another post, I felt powerful and strong, like nothing could stop me. I guess I was high on brain chemicals. At work, not only did I find my mind sharper, but I also found that my coworkers didn't stand a chance when disagreeing with me. Most things went my way at work, and people seemed to accept my leadership without much of an argument, including the office hag that always had her way. I had people approach me and tell me how glad they were that I was there and to thank me for the things I did and said. Somehow, I found myself to be more articulate and convincing than usual.
If only they knew that the renewed wit and creative problem solving that helped me dominate at work was caused by my submissiveness at home... Oh, the irony!
Seriously, it felt as if I was back in my younger days, when I was considered by many to be smarter than average, my career advanced very fast and I seemed to land every job opportunity I set my eyes on. Somehow, over the years I've felt as if that spark was lost. As if I had descended to the level of mediocre performance and lazy work-avoidance. Beind denied has taught me that the faculties of my younger self are not lost, just dulled by too much prolactin. Yes, I've been reading about the hormone prolactin, which is released after orgasm, and the effects that it has on men.
While some may disagree with my choice of the word "manly" as a descriptor, the word itself is not what matters here. I would be much more interested in a discussion of the feeling itself. Is this something you (or your significant other) experience? Do you feel sharper, smarter, stronger, more focused, when you are being denied? How do you feel (besides submissive)?
As for me, I had release twice yesterday and can't wait to feel "manly" again.
Very manly... but how to tell my wife? I find it hard to explain even to myself...
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
A potential setback averted...
This Monday, I was feeling extremely tired after I came home. It was one of those days when all I wanted was to fall asleep, so I went to bed and was almost falling asleep when V arrived and asked me if I had worked out. I said that I hadn't, but that I was really tired.
She became demanding and told me to get out of the bed (even pulled my legs off the bed) and escorted me outside. I was complaining and whining as she did it, not feeling very submissive. When she pushed me out of the door and got ready to close it behind me, I was about to say that I was not wearing workout clothes or shoes, but I was so mad that I didn't know what to say.
"What's the matter?" She asked, but I was upset, so I turned around and walked away without a word. She closed the door and locked it behind me.
While I walked I woke up and had a chance to contemplate on what had just happened.
My wife had just ordered me, not asked, or pleaded, but ordered and almost forced me to do something that I had given her the power to do and instead of being obedient and grateful, I had given her an attitude. What a stupid thing to do at this stage of our relationship! I wanted to kick myself, or to be more accurate, to be kicked and punished by her. I know that if I was being dominated by V, I would just have earned some serious punishment, but at this stage, I was afraid that she would get discouraged.
While I worked out I was so tired that I thought I was going to vomit, but eventually managed to complete my time and return home. I fell on the bed, almost fainting and stayed there for an hour or so, being too tired to sleep, until later I felt better.
V informed me that I would not be getting any because she was not up to it. She mentioned that her belly ached a little, but I knew that she would not have been so insistent in making me work out if she was not interested in having sex with me, so I knew I had ruined her mood with my attitude. She went to sleep right away.
I decided that I needed to be more submissive, and urgently, so I edged myself several times while imagining that she was doing it as a punishment for my attitude. I finally went to sleep hoping that my error would not destroy all the progress we had made in the past few months.
I edged myself in the morning again, repeating the process while thinking that I really needed to apologize for my attitude, but that there was no time, because we both had to leave. When I weighed myself I noticed that I had lost two pounds in two weeks and thought that it was a great progress, even though I have not been faithful in working out daily. I've noticed that I'm drinking more water and eating smaller portions, so that is clearly part of it too.
As we were leaving the house, I mentioned to V that I had lost 2 pounds and that the regime was being effective. She sighed and said "I don't know... I don't feel as if it's being effective." With that we parted ways, and I stood there, kicking myself for disappointing her in such a stupid way and for no reason at all.
The submissive rush hit me at work, and with it the idea that if I didn't apologize immediately, things may revert to old vanilla, and it would be harder to bring them back again. I sent her an email.
"V, I lost two pounds in two weeks. Our regime is working. If it doesn't work as effectively as you think it should, it's not your fault, but mine. Please don't get discouraged. I'm sorry for giving you an attitude on Monday and will try to do better. Feel free to do anything that you think will help in making our arrangement more effective or in reminding me that I asked for this and should not complain. I love you."
Her reply came a few minutes later.
:-P
Just that.
It seemed like a positive sign, but you never know.
I came home and have been in my best behavior. I was getting ready to go work out without her telling me so when she entered the room. She had a movie in her hands and showed me the actor. She said that he was great and she really really like him. "Of course," she added, "I like you more".
Good, I thought. At least she's not mad. However, that didn't mean that she was going to continue our little project. I told her that I wanted her a lot, to which she casually said that "it is good to want things, because it gives you something to look forward to."
Then for some reason she mentioned something about sticks and balls (non sexual, mind you) and I said that I had some. She said "Good for you, and you get to keep them because you have not worked out".
I breathed a sigh of relief. She was still here and still willing to enforce the rules.
I told her that I was going to work out right now and she said that then, maybe I could use my stick and balls tonight. Maybe not.
I'm glad I fond it in me to apologize for my stupid reaction, and even gladder that V is not reverting to the old times. My hope is that even if our growth is slow, and minimal, that it never reverts to what it was.
I hope that after doing this for a while (I still have 22 pounds to go, and that's not even to ideal weight, but to a comfortable one) V will get used to her benefits and we'll be able to transfer her dominance to other areas of my life.
I have to be careful with the little things and try to remain obedient and submissive to her. I realize that I may have made mountains out of molehills, but my feelings are intense and deep and can play tricks on me. For now, I think that I averted a potential pitfall and that we are still on the road to a FLM.
She became demanding and told me to get out of the bed (even pulled my legs off the bed) and escorted me outside. I was complaining and whining as she did it, not feeling very submissive. When she pushed me out of the door and got ready to close it behind me, I was about to say that I was not wearing workout clothes or shoes, but I was so mad that I didn't know what to say.
"What's the matter?" She asked, but I was upset, so I turned around and walked away without a word. She closed the door and locked it behind me.
While I walked I woke up and had a chance to contemplate on what had just happened.
My wife had just ordered me, not asked, or pleaded, but ordered and almost forced me to do something that I had given her the power to do and instead of being obedient and grateful, I had given her an attitude. What a stupid thing to do at this stage of our relationship! I wanted to kick myself, or to be more accurate, to be kicked and punished by her. I know that if I was being dominated by V, I would just have earned some serious punishment, but at this stage, I was afraid that she would get discouraged.
While I worked out I was so tired that I thought I was going to vomit, but eventually managed to complete my time and return home. I fell on the bed, almost fainting and stayed there for an hour or so, being too tired to sleep, until later I felt better.
V informed me that I would not be getting any because she was not up to it. She mentioned that her belly ached a little, but I knew that she would not have been so insistent in making me work out if she was not interested in having sex with me, so I knew I had ruined her mood with my attitude. She went to sleep right away.
I decided that I needed to be more submissive, and urgently, so I edged myself several times while imagining that she was doing it as a punishment for my attitude. I finally went to sleep hoping that my error would not destroy all the progress we had made in the past few months.
I edged myself in the morning again, repeating the process while thinking that I really needed to apologize for my attitude, but that there was no time, because we both had to leave. When I weighed myself I noticed that I had lost two pounds in two weeks and thought that it was a great progress, even though I have not been faithful in working out daily. I've noticed that I'm drinking more water and eating smaller portions, so that is clearly part of it too.
As we were leaving the house, I mentioned to V that I had lost 2 pounds and that the regime was being effective. She sighed and said "I don't know... I don't feel as if it's being effective." With that we parted ways, and I stood there, kicking myself for disappointing her in such a stupid way and for no reason at all.
The submissive rush hit me at work, and with it the idea that if I didn't apologize immediately, things may revert to old vanilla, and it would be harder to bring them back again. I sent her an email.
"V, I lost two pounds in two weeks. Our regime is working. If it doesn't work as effectively as you think it should, it's not your fault, but mine. Please don't get discouraged. I'm sorry for giving you an attitude on Monday and will try to do better. Feel free to do anything that you think will help in making our arrangement more effective or in reminding me that I asked for this and should not complain. I love you."
Her reply came a few minutes later.
:-P
Just that.
It seemed like a positive sign, but you never know.
I came home and have been in my best behavior. I was getting ready to go work out without her telling me so when she entered the room. She had a movie in her hands and showed me the actor. She said that he was great and she really really like him. "Of course," she added, "I like you more".
Good, I thought. At least she's not mad. However, that didn't mean that she was going to continue our little project. I told her that I wanted her a lot, to which she casually said that "it is good to want things, because it gives you something to look forward to."
Then for some reason she mentioned something about sticks and balls (non sexual, mind you) and I said that I had some. She said "Good for you, and you get to keep them because you have not worked out".
I breathed a sigh of relief. She was still here and still willing to enforce the rules.
I told her that I was going to work out right now and she said that then, maybe I could use my stick and balls tonight. Maybe not.
I'm glad I fond it in me to apologize for my stupid reaction, and even gladder that V is not reverting to the old times. My hope is that even if our growth is slow, and minimal, that it never reverts to what it was.
I hope that after doing this for a while (I still have 22 pounds to go, and that's not even to ideal weight, but to a comfortable one) V will get used to her benefits and we'll be able to transfer her dominance to other areas of my life.
I have to be careful with the little things and try to remain obedient and submissive to her. I realize that I may have made mountains out of molehills, but my feelings are intense and deep and can play tricks on me. For now, I think that I averted a potential pitfall and that we are still on the road to a FLM.
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