Reading on some other blogs recently, I noticed a common thread: Most aspiring submissives are disillusioned. It must be a phase of the moon for so many to go through a down phase at the same time. I mean, I know for a fact that all these pseudo-dommes have not been talking to each other, "hey, let's all get together and frustrate our husbands, but not the way they like to be frustrated, oh, yes, look how evil we are!"
All joking aside, I was going through a downer as well.
I think it is perfectly normal for a wife to have less energy at times, but knowing it intellectually does nothing to help with the feelings of rejection and lack of love that I experience when Miss V is on the low mood. Whenever I allow myself to be dragged down by those feelings and get depressed, we begin to feed on each other's mood until we both end depressed and with no personal attention requested, offered or given, no one gets satisfaction to their needs.
The problem is that when we are denied, our feelings intensify and every gesture, every word, every sound takes on a charged meaning. If that meaning is not one of dominance, acceptance, lust or sex, we automatically categorize it as the opposite and end up frustrated (and again, not in the good way).
I have learned, at least intellectually, to give Miss V space and time to come back to herself. I try to remain positive and ask her if there is something I can do to her or for her and she usually either sends me away with a low key, "no, thanks" or asks me to help the children, so they don't have to continually ask her for help while she is busy. (Contrary to mine, part of Miss V's job has to be done at home).
Last week we were going through one of these low periods and contrary to my own advice, I started to get cranky. I didn't act up in any way, but began to have those darned feelings that "my wife doesn't love me anymore" or "I can't be in this kind of relationship" or plainly "I hate this life!"
Well, I think there are good news and bad news. The bad news is that those pesky feelings will not go away, because they are part of my own self. I will continue to feel rejected, unloved, uncared for, any time there is a little less attention from Miss V. The good news is that if I learn to recognize those feelings, and accept them as a natural part of who I am, even though I may not be able to curb the feelings themselves, I will gain the freedom to decide what my reaction to the feelings is going to be. I am free to choose to wallow in my misery, dragging Miss V and our relationship down with me, or I can choose to recognize that despite my feelings to the contrary, she still loves me, cares for me and is just tired, stressed out, or frustrated with other things that believe it or not, don't actually revolve around the center of MY universe.
If I can do this, I'm sure going to be a help for Miss V and her low moods will be shorter and less frequent. Even if I'm wrong on this, I can use her low moods as an opportunity to prove to her and myself that I truly mean it when I say that I love her and want to serve her whether there is an immediate reward for me or not.
This week's funk is over, and not surprisingly I'm feeling all happy again.
Yesterday, Miss V made me make love to her and stopped me after having three orgasms. I'm kind of becoming proud of "my ability" to get her off multiple times (in quotes because I think it is actually her ability to let herself go and enjoy, but I still feel more virile when it happens).
I took her out to lunch and after we came back she said that taking her out to lunch had been a very sweet thing, but she was an evil woman and she was paying me back with "this". She opened my pants and rubbed me until I was panting in anticipation, then she let go, walked back and ordered me to "put it away" (which is one of those orders that I can never obey, because the more she orders it, the harder it becomes).
She told me that I better clean the house today, or she's going to "make me cry".
I have no idea what she means, because she has never made me cry before, but I'm going to get away from the computer now and start cleaning some, because she is about to come back home, and I'm sure she expects something done.
I just mention this to make the case that as usual, my feelings about this were all wrong. Miss V. had not stopped loving me, or caring for me, and after she started to feel better, came back to tease and denial, and a threat that I very much want to see her execute.
I hope this lesson can be learned learned and applied and I don' let those darned tricksy feelings, whenever I have them, drag me down.
What can I do for Miss V. today?
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
More Progress and a Worrying Question.
This Saturday, Miss V brought teasing to a new level of excitement and frustration. First, she made it very clear that even though I had worked out, she was not going to feel forced in any way by it. While this has been an implicit part of our agreement from the beginning, it still felt powerful the way she said it.
She said that I was sloppy this week and slow to listen to her, so now she was going to be slow to do what I wanted her to do. While she was staying this, she was removing her clothes, so you can probably guess that I was a little confused by the mixed signals. That didn't last long, however, because when she finished taking her clothes off, she laid by my side and explained herself.
"You want to know why I'm taking my clothes off?" She asked. "I just want you to be very aware of what you are NOT going to get today because you have been a bad boy this week."
For the next hour or so, she allowed me to lay at her side, kissing and rubbing her while she rubbed my erection with her feet and played an online game on her phone with some dude... At the end of which, she pushed me away and allowed me to lick and suck on her feet, which were covered in my precum. I can't even begin to describe how submissive I felt at having to lick my own precum off her feet while she told me how fun it was for her to keep me like that.
She explained that she had noticed that I enjoyed denial too much, so she was not going to allow me inside her, even if that punished her, so I was only going to give her a massage. She handed me the lotion and turned around, still playing the online game on her phone. As I climbed over her to give her the requested massage, she opened her legs so that my knee was between her legs. In that position she started to rub herself against my leg and I am proud to report that she eventually had to stop playing her game and closed her eyes, enjoying both the action of my hands giving her relaxing attention, but also the rubbing she was giving herself against me. Whether she got an orgasm or not, she didn't let me know. I don't think she did, but she left me wondering.
After she subjected me to this process, she asked me for last Saturday's to-do-list and proceeded to update it. The list was shorter, but it included some larger projects, a trend that I observed last week. She also mentioned that she only expected me to complete two of them, while the rest only needed to be started.
I worked hard to complete the two mandatory tasks, but I have to confess I didn't get to starting the others. I'm sure she's going to say something next week when I present the list for updating. As I write this, I am still denied, and hope that it will continue after tonight, even though she already implied that we will have sex.
The main development between this week and previous ones was that she initiated the denial action on her own volition even against the technicality. Having me licking her precum soiled feel while playing an online game with another guy were also dominant acts, at least from my point of view. Form this side of things, I consider it a successful week. However there is a point of concern to me and is in Miss V deciding that I enjoy denial so much that it is not a punishment and she will opt to not let me touch her.
I can see this working two ways, and while one of them could work out to be deliciously evil, the other one could be a disaster. Let me explain with two scenarios here,
SCENARIO 1:
Miss V Rules that denial is a privilege and can only be earned if I do as I'm told. This places orgasm and denial on the same category and places the authority to make the decision between them entirely on her. This would be an ideal scenario because one of my concerns right now is how little motivation I get to be obedient when I crave denial.
SCENARIO 2:
Miss V decides that I will have sex when I do as I'm told and not be allowed to be teased and denied when I don't. This makes orgasm denial, in the sense I desire it almost non-existent and place us in the same situation we were before this entire thing began, except that I will be less happy, because she won't have sex with me out of her sense of duty, like she was doing before, so it would be just less sex and no tease.
The question now is how can I influence this decision making process to avoid scenario 2 and encourage scenario 1? If you have any ideas, please feel free to chip in and share. This is where I'd love to have hundreds of readers, so I could get a good sample of answers (since only a small percent of readers actually contribute) but I assure you that every little comment you leave here is appreciated.
She said that I was sloppy this week and slow to listen to her, so now she was going to be slow to do what I wanted her to do. While she was staying this, she was removing her clothes, so you can probably guess that I was a little confused by the mixed signals. That didn't last long, however, because when she finished taking her clothes off, she laid by my side and explained herself.
"You want to know why I'm taking my clothes off?" She asked. "I just want you to be very aware of what you are NOT going to get today because you have been a bad boy this week."
For the next hour or so, she allowed me to lay at her side, kissing and rubbing her while she rubbed my erection with her feet and played an online game on her phone with some dude... At the end of which, she pushed me away and allowed me to lick and suck on her feet, which were covered in my precum. I can't even begin to describe how submissive I felt at having to lick my own precum off her feet while she told me how fun it was for her to keep me like that.
She explained that she had noticed that I enjoyed denial too much, so she was not going to allow me inside her, even if that punished her, so I was only going to give her a massage. She handed me the lotion and turned around, still playing the online game on her phone. As I climbed over her to give her the requested massage, she opened her legs so that my knee was between her legs. In that position she started to rub herself against my leg and I am proud to report that she eventually had to stop playing her game and closed her eyes, enjoying both the action of my hands giving her relaxing attention, but also the rubbing she was giving herself against me. Whether she got an orgasm or not, she didn't let me know. I don't think she did, but she left me wondering.
After she subjected me to this process, she asked me for last Saturday's to-do-list and proceeded to update it. The list was shorter, but it included some larger projects, a trend that I observed last week. She also mentioned that she only expected me to complete two of them, while the rest only needed to be started.
I worked hard to complete the two mandatory tasks, but I have to confess I didn't get to starting the others. I'm sure she's going to say something next week when I present the list for updating. As I write this, I am still denied, and hope that it will continue after tonight, even though she already implied that we will have sex.
The main development between this week and previous ones was that she initiated the denial action on her own volition even against the technicality. Having me licking her precum soiled feel while playing an online game with another guy were also dominant acts, at least from my point of view. Form this side of things, I consider it a successful week. However there is a point of concern to me and is in Miss V deciding that I enjoy denial so much that it is not a punishment and she will opt to not let me touch her.
I can see this working two ways, and while one of them could work out to be deliciously evil, the other one could be a disaster. Let me explain with two scenarios here,
SCENARIO 1:
Miss V Rules that denial is a privilege and can only be earned if I do as I'm told. This places orgasm and denial on the same category and places the authority to make the decision between them entirely on her. This would be an ideal scenario because one of my concerns right now is how little motivation I get to be obedient when I crave denial.
SCENARIO 2:
Miss V decides that I will have sex when I do as I'm told and not be allowed to be teased and denied when I don't. This makes orgasm denial, in the sense I desire it almost non-existent and place us in the same situation we were before this entire thing began, except that I will be less happy, because she won't have sex with me out of her sense of duty, like she was doing before, so it would be just less sex and no tease.
The question now is how can I influence this decision making process to avoid scenario 2 and encourage scenario 1? If you have any ideas, please feel free to chip in and share. This is where I'd love to have hundreds of readers, so I could get a good sample of answers (since only a small percent of readers actually contribute) but I assure you that every little comment you leave here is appreciated.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Busy as she catches on to the idea.
As V catches on to the idea of her power over me, I find I have less time to do things like, uh, let's say blog.
The idea has caught on on several fronts, a litle here, a litle there, and not 24-7, like some claim to have it. For the past few weeks, I have been doing more and more things for V, who now wants to be called Miss, as opposed to the "Ma'am" as I was calling her. The account is below.
So, how is Miss V showing that she is getting the idea of her dominance over me?
For starters, she has given me a Saturday to-do-list every week for the last three weeks. The list covers things that would be impossible to complete in a single day, so she expects me (yes, I said expects) to continue them during the week.
She has not given an inch of mercy on not allowing me to have an ogasm whenever I don't meet the conditions required and has become more inclined to claiming pleasure for herself. I am grateful for her firmness.
Here is what happened this Saturday:
When she woke up and found my erection, she toyed with it somewhat, then turned and asked me if I had worked out (remember, our arrangement is that if I don't work out, I have no orgasm) the day before, to which I said no. Then she asked me what I was going to get, and I said, "nothing". She said "Good boy!" and basically ordered me to make love to her. I did as ordered, of course and she made sure she moaned and gasped in pleasure. She has taken to do much more of that recently, partly because as she told me the other day, she has come to know her body and allow herself more pleasure, but partly to tease my brains out. I know this because when she is planning to let me come, she doesn't make that much noise.
After she felt satisfied, she pushed me away and told me my time was over. I flopped unto her side, winded, and not only by the exertion.
"Are you mad?" She asked.
"No, Ma'am" I said.
"Do I look like a Ma'am to you?" She asked. This is a line from a movie or something. I'm not sure, but I knew the answer was "No, Ma'am" which is what made it funny.
"From now on, you'll call me Miss, because I am not married," she said teasingly.
"Yes, Miss..."
"Are you going to go work out today?"
"Yes, Miss..."
"You know what? Forget it," she said. "I"m going to do this, because I can."
She turned around and made love to me again. This time I came so close to an orgasm that I had to stop, but then, after the edge had faded, she had me continue. "Good Boy!" she said.
She asked me if I knew that women had at least three diferent kinds of orgasms.
"No, Miss..."
"Well, today I had all three of them, isn't that nice of you?"
She explained what the three orgasms were, but I swear I can't remember anything except that one of them was like mine, or so she said.
It is a pleasure for me to be of service...
Her teasing has also evolved somewhat. During these last few weeks, I was spanked once. Not too much, mind you, but something is better than nothing. I took it as it was offered and thanked her afterwards. She has mentioned three times at least that she will not spank me unless I do as she says. She clearly learned that spanking is a reward for me and not a penalty, as Ms. Rika would say.
She threatened me once with having sex with a friend while making me stand in the corner and watch. I said that it would be very hard for her to make me stay in the corner without tying me up and she asked "Why? Because you would like to join?" I'm not into cuckholding and know she is not either, so I'm not terribly worried about this.
She told me the other day that I was never going to have sex again. It gave me a jolt, even though I knew she was just teasing (we had sex that very day) and she made fun of me afterwards, because the jolt was visible.
A couple times she has played with my penis, making me come close to the edge or irgasm and then said, "you are my bitch now" (Okay, only once she called me bitch, the other two times she called me 'biatch') "Go get me breakfast."
Yesterday, she came close to me and began to remove her clothes while asking me if I liked what I saw. I proudly and honestly answered with a resonant "YES!" Then she said, "Well, too bad, you thought that because you worked out you were going to score, but you have not been consistent this week, so you may touch, you may kiss and you may smell, but you ain't getting any."
After letting me do all those things, she asked me if I wanted to fuck her. Just like that...
"If you want..." I said, feeling very shy and very much in her power.
"Well," she said, turning around. "I thought you really wanted to, but - "
"YES I DO!!!" I blurted.
She laughed and we made love to my deep orgasm.
This morning, I don't remember the subject we were discussing while we were getting ready for work, but I said something to her and she turned to stare at me with a smirk on her face.
"What?" I asked, wondering at her expression.
"You are talking back to me to me like that because you just scored," she said. "But don;t worry, I know how I'm going to get you."
"How? What are you going to do?"
"Don't worry," she said. "I'll get you later, you just wait..."
Yes, she is catching up to the idea...
The idea has caught on on several fronts, a litle here, a litle there, and not 24-7, like some claim to have it. For the past few weeks, I have been doing more and more things for V, who now wants to be called Miss, as opposed to the "Ma'am" as I was calling her. The account is below.
So, how is Miss V showing that she is getting the idea of her dominance over me?
For starters, she has given me a Saturday to-do-list every week for the last three weeks. The list covers things that would be impossible to complete in a single day, so she expects me (yes, I said expects) to continue them during the week.
She has not given an inch of mercy on not allowing me to have an ogasm whenever I don't meet the conditions required and has become more inclined to claiming pleasure for herself. I am grateful for her firmness.
Here is what happened this Saturday:
When she woke up and found my erection, she toyed with it somewhat, then turned and asked me if I had worked out (remember, our arrangement is that if I don't work out, I have no orgasm) the day before, to which I said no. Then she asked me what I was going to get, and I said, "nothing". She said "Good boy!" and basically ordered me to make love to her. I did as ordered, of course and she made sure she moaned and gasped in pleasure. She has taken to do much more of that recently, partly because as she told me the other day, she has come to know her body and allow herself more pleasure, but partly to tease my brains out. I know this because when she is planning to let me come, she doesn't make that much noise.
After she felt satisfied, she pushed me away and told me my time was over. I flopped unto her side, winded, and not only by the exertion.
"Are you mad?" She asked.
"No, Ma'am" I said.
"Do I look like a Ma'am to you?" She asked. This is a line from a movie or something. I'm not sure, but I knew the answer was "No, Ma'am" which is what made it funny.
"From now on, you'll call me Miss, because I am not married," she said teasingly.
"Yes, Miss..."
"Are you going to go work out today?"
"Yes, Miss..."
"You know what? Forget it," she said. "I"m going to do this, because I can."
She turned around and made love to me again. This time I came so close to an orgasm that I had to stop, but then, after the edge had faded, she had me continue. "Good Boy!" she said.
She asked me if I knew that women had at least three diferent kinds of orgasms.
"No, Miss..."
"Well, today I had all three of them, isn't that nice of you?"
She explained what the three orgasms were, but I swear I can't remember anything except that one of them was like mine, or so she said.
It is a pleasure for me to be of service...
Her teasing has also evolved somewhat. During these last few weeks, I was spanked once. Not too much, mind you, but something is better than nothing. I took it as it was offered and thanked her afterwards. She has mentioned three times at least that she will not spank me unless I do as she says. She clearly learned that spanking is a reward for me and not a penalty, as Ms. Rika would say.
She threatened me once with having sex with a friend while making me stand in the corner and watch. I said that it would be very hard for her to make me stay in the corner without tying me up and she asked "Why? Because you would like to join?" I'm not into cuckholding and know she is not either, so I'm not terribly worried about this.
She told me the other day that I was never going to have sex again. It gave me a jolt, even though I knew she was just teasing (we had sex that very day) and she made fun of me afterwards, because the jolt was visible.
A couple times she has played with my penis, making me come close to the edge or irgasm and then said, "you are my bitch now" (Okay, only once she called me bitch, the other two times she called me 'biatch') "Go get me breakfast."
Yesterday, she came close to me and began to remove her clothes while asking me if I liked what I saw. I proudly and honestly answered with a resonant "YES!" Then she said, "Well, too bad, you thought that because you worked out you were going to score, but you have not been consistent this week, so you may touch, you may kiss and you may smell, but you ain't getting any."
After letting me do all those things, she asked me if I wanted to fuck her. Just like that...
"If you want..." I said, feeling very shy and very much in her power.
"Well," she said, turning around. "I thought you really wanted to, but - "
"YES I DO!!!" I blurted.
She laughed and we made love to my deep orgasm.
This morning, I don't remember the subject we were discussing while we were getting ready for work, but I said something to her and she turned to stare at me with a smirk on her face.
"What?" I asked, wondering at her expression.
"You are talking back to me to me like that because you just scored," she said. "But don;t worry, I know how I'm going to get you."
"How? What are you going to do?"
"Don't worry," she said. "I'll get you later, you just wait..."
Yes, she is catching up to the idea...
Monday, January 30, 2012
I need to say "yes" more...
This morning was the day. I was sure of it. I had worked out, I had been good, had done everything V had asked of me and then some...
It didn't happen.
When I woke up, she was gone. Anyone who knows V, even remotely, knows that once she is up, she is up and there is almost nothing I can do to bring her back down. I say almost because it has been known to happen, on special ocassions.
When it was about time for me to go to work, she entered the room and told me to get up and go. I pleaded a bit, not really daring to beg as much as I really wanted to because I know she doesn't want me to act "needy".
To all that, she only smiled, basking, I know, in the warmth of my undivided attention. She looks radiant these days, but I can't tell if it's because she feels wanted and cared for, or if it is a mirage of the psychochemicals.
The truth is, I don't care.
All I care for is that I love this woman. I love her deeply and also lust for her. I am a lucky man in that the object of my lust also happens to be the subject of my love. I'm glad that I have discovered orgasm denial and that V has been loving enough to take her first steps into it, because this deepends and enhances our relationship. It's funny how regulating the man's drive can affect the couple so much. From some material I read yesterday, I formed what I think is an interesting thought about submission and marital harmony, but it will have to wait for another posting, as there is no time or space here for that. Of course, it may be that the fact that I find my thoughts interesting is but another symtom of psychochemical mirage. (A good name for a rock band)
Let's come back to the story.
"I worked out," I blurted out in a final pathetic attempt to get her attention as she was about to leave the room.
"Aww!" she said, doing that hot little thing girls do when they walk away with a little bounce on their step, fling their purse over their shoulder as they look back at you. "This means you will work out again today."
Man! This woman is hot, little bouce and all!
All day at work I was thinking of her.
When I got home, she was watching TV with the kids and I said hello. She blew me a kiss, but then said that she would come get a good kiss and walked me to the bedroom. We made out a little, talked a little and I asked her at what time she was going to leave.
"I have 20 minutes," she said, quickly adding: "And no, mister. 20 minutes is not enough."
I smiled. Knowing that I still have not worked out, I did not even try to get into a quickie that would only be for her and might cost me a couple more days of denial, so I remained quiet.
"Now, you have not even worked out, have you?" She said a little later, reading my thoughts the way wives do. "You have to work out first, you know the rules".
At a diferent time, I may have protested that she could still have whatever she wanted, but not today. Today I desperately need to do whatever she says so she gives me release.
"You set up these rules and gave me permission to enforce them," she added, even though I was not protesting. "And you are not going to get out of them."
"Yes," I said, realizing that maybe the reason she kept insisting was that she misunderstood my compliant silence with defiance. "I will work out for you."
"Good boy," she said as she left the house.
From this exchange, I gathered that I need to be more vocal in accepting V's control. I have to say "yes" to whatever she chooses to impose over me instead of remaining silent. In a way this is good, because it means that I get the opportunity to verbally acknowledge my obedience to her in a non-threatening way (because she asked)
I'm leaving now, as I need to work out before V comes back home. I will add a note later, saying whether this became day 6 of my denial or if a new cycle begins.
NOTE (1/31/12): A new count begins today. I did work out, but she said "I don't know if you want to do me, but I am tired and want to go to sleep." I didn't press the case as I would have done in times past, because even though I know she would have allowed it, it would discourage her dominance.
It didn't happen.
When I woke up, she was gone. Anyone who knows V, even remotely, knows that once she is up, she is up and there is almost nothing I can do to bring her back down. I say almost because it has been known to happen, on special ocassions.
When it was about time for me to go to work, she entered the room and told me to get up and go. I pleaded a bit, not really daring to beg as much as I really wanted to because I know she doesn't want me to act "needy".
To all that, she only smiled, basking, I know, in the warmth of my undivided attention. She looks radiant these days, but I can't tell if it's because she feels wanted and cared for, or if it is a mirage of the psychochemicals.
The truth is, I don't care.
All I care for is that I love this woman. I love her deeply and also lust for her. I am a lucky man in that the object of my lust also happens to be the subject of my love. I'm glad that I have discovered orgasm denial and that V has been loving enough to take her first steps into it, because this deepends and enhances our relationship. It's funny how regulating the man's drive can affect the couple so much. From some material I read yesterday, I formed what I think is an interesting thought about submission and marital harmony, but it will have to wait for another posting, as there is no time or space here for that. Of course, it may be that the fact that I find my thoughts interesting is but another symtom of psychochemical mirage. (A good name for a rock band)
Let's come back to the story.
"I worked out," I blurted out in a final pathetic attempt to get her attention as she was about to leave the room.
"Aww!" she said, doing that hot little thing girls do when they walk away with a little bounce on their step, fling their purse over their shoulder as they look back at you. "This means you will work out again today."
Man! This woman is hot, little bouce and all!
All day at work I was thinking of her.
When I got home, she was watching TV with the kids and I said hello. She blew me a kiss, but then said that she would come get a good kiss and walked me to the bedroom. We made out a little, talked a little and I asked her at what time she was going to leave.
"I have 20 minutes," she said, quickly adding: "And no, mister. 20 minutes is not enough."
I smiled. Knowing that I still have not worked out, I did not even try to get into a quickie that would only be for her and might cost me a couple more days of denial, so I remained quiet.
"Now, you have not even worked out, have you?" She said a little later, reading my thoughts the way wives do. "You have to work out first, you know the rules".
At a diferent time, I may have protested that she could still have whatever she wanted, but not today. Today I desperately need to do whatever she says so she gives me release.
"You set up these rules and gave me permission to enforce them," she added, even though I was not protesting. "And you are not going to get out of them."
"Yes," I said, realizing that maybe the reason she kept insisting was that she misunderstood my compliant silence with defiance. "I will work out for you."
"Good boy," she said as she left the house.
From this exchange, I gathered that I need to be more vocal in accepting V's control. I have to say "yes" to whatever she chooses to impose over me instead of remaining silent. In a way this is good, because it means that I get the opportunity to verbally acknowledge my obedience to her in a non-threatening way (because she asked)
I'm leaving now, as I need to work out before V comes back home. I will add a note later, saying whether this became day 6 of my denial or if a new cycle begins.
NOTE (1/31/12): A new count begins today. I did work out, but she said "I don't know if you want to do me, but I am tired and want to go to sleep." I didn't press the case as I would have done in times past, because even though I know she would have allowed it, it would discourage her dominance.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Five Days
The last time I posted, I was hoping for a night release, but it didn't happen.
As a matter of fact, right now I have been denied for 5 days. Now, for the first two nights and one day, she didn't tease me at all, so it was not true denial, but on the third night, she got naked and told me that I was to cuddle with her and fondle myself thinking of what I was not going to get. I obediently did, bringing myself to the edge while she relaxed and eventually fell asleep. Just like that, without much effort on her part, my submissive mood skyrocketed. I loved how easily she used her power over me.
On the fourth day, she was playful and flirty again. When night came, I asked her if she wanted me and she said "yes". After very little foreplay, I was inside her, pumping with gusto, her legs around my waist. The orgasm came quick to her this time. It appears that she needs less and less time to reach it these days, which I'm sure is a good thing for her, but not so much for me.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, she stopped.
"I'm done," she said, pushing my hips away. "Good night".
"Are you finished?" I asked, panting, and not only because of the short session.
"Twice, baby," she said, pushing me again.
Obediently, meekly, I pulled out and allowed the unspent energy to flow out in a sigh. Before she thought the sigh was a complaint, I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too.
I fell asleep eventually, remembering that she had promised to be stronger with me, and grateful that she had done so.
This morning (the 5th day) I woke up ready and willing, nay, more like horny and desperate. She played a bit with my penis, told me how hard and big it was and how much she liked it (Note: It is not big, she means bigger than usual) then she got up and we went on our daily routines.
Tonight, after having worked out and totally expecting an orgasm, she went to sleep, leaving me here with a 5 day-old hard-on. Now, before anyone tells me that 5 days is nothing, let me say that I'm new at this, and save on rare occasions when I was sick, I have never gone 5 days without release, especially when she has teased me in the last 3. In the past, I always "took matters in my own hands" as many like to call it. This time, however, I want to keep away from temptation so I can fully experience V's feminine power. Even with that, I fear that I may lose control and masturbate.
I wonder if I can find a way to introduce a chastity device at this point, or if it's too premature.
Anyway, as desperate as I am right now, I'll try to have sex with her in the morning. A part of me wishes that she would allow me to pleasure her and then stop me, but another part of me wants to get release already. We will see what happens.
NOTE: For anyone interested in the weight-loss part of the program, after stumbling a little and re-gaining a few pounds (when I got sick during V's vacation) I am back in track and have lost 10 pounds net (some of them a couple times). I know it's not much, but enough that I can feel the diference in my clothes, my knees, which were hurting almost every day, and V has stopped complaining that I am too heavy when we make love.
As a matter of fact, right now I have been denied for 5 days. Now, for the first two nights and one day, she didn't tease me at all, so it was not true denial, but on the third night, she got naked and told me that I was to cuddle with her and fondle myself thinking of what I was not going to get. I obediently did, bringing myself to the edge while she relaxed and eventually fell asleep. Just like that, without much effort on her part, my submissive mood skyrocketed. I loved how easily she used her power over me.
On the fourth day, she was playful and flirty again. When night came, I asked her if she wanted me and she said "yes". After very little foreplay, I was inside her, pumping with gusto, her legs around my waist. The orgasm came quick to her this time. It appears that she needs less and less time to reach it these days, which I'm sure is a good thing for her, but not so much for me.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, she stopped.
"I'm done," she said, pushing my hips away. "Good night".
"Are you finished?" I asked, panting, and not only because of the short session.
"Twice, baby," she said, pushing me again.
Obediently, meekly, I pulled out and allowed the unspent energy to flow out in a sigh. Before she thought the sigh was a complaint, I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too.
I fell asleep eventually, remembering that she had promised to be stronger with me, and grateful that she had done so.
This morning (the 5th day) I woke up ready and willing, nay, more like horny and desperate. She played a bit with my penis, told me how hard and big it was and how much she liked it (Note: It is not big, she means bigger than usual) then she got up and we went on our daily routines.
Tonight, after having worked out and totally expecting an orgasm, she went to sleep, leaving me here with a 5 day-old hard-on. Now, before anyone tells me that 5 days is nothing, let me say that I'm new at this, and save on rare occasions when I was sick, I have never gone 5 days without release, especially when she has teased me in the last 3. In the past, I always "took matters in my own hands" as many like to call it. This time, however, I want to keep away from temptation so I can fully experience V's feminine power. Even with that, I fear that I may lose control and masturbate.
I wonder if I can find a way to introduce a chastity device at this point, or if it's too premature.
Anyway, as desperate as I am right now, I'll try to have sex with her in the morning. A part of me wishes that she would allow me to pleasure her and then stop me, but another part of me wants to get release already. We will see what happens.
NOTE: For anyone interested in the weight-loss part of the program, after stumbling a little and re-gaining a few pounds (when I got sick during V's vacation) I am back in track and have lost 10 pounds net (some of them a couple times). I know it's not much, but enough that I can feel the diference in my clothes, my knees, which were hurting almost every day, and V has stopped complaining that I am too heavy when we make love.
Monday, January 23, 2012
A misunderstanding and a promise...
My wife is getting more comfortable denying me lately. The other day we talked and she told me she had noticed that our little 'arrangement' was not working as much as she wanted and that she would think of how to make it work better. I didn't try to give her ideas, although I have many, because it is probably the first time she suggests changes to what has up until now been mostly my initiative.
All I asked was "How is it working for you?"
She answered so quickly and coherently that I know she had been thinking about it.
"Oh," she said leaning back against her pillows. "It is working for me very well. I like it because you know what our mother's teach us about doing everything that the man wants so he won't leave you? All these things about your 'needs' as a man and all that?"
"Yes," I said, but the tone cracked up and went up at the end, making it sound like a question.
"Well, you have given me permission to not have to do anything I don't want to, and now I feel like I can do it whenever I really want to, and maybe because if that, I am enjoying my orgasms more than I used to."
I didn't have time to talk anymore, but her choice of the word 'permission' made me think deeply about denial, dominance and the consent that the submissive gives to his dominant, but that may be fodder for another post.
Getting back to the topic at hand, my wife had me work out three days in a row while still being denied, on one of the days she declared that I had not worked out, because she "said so," even though she knew I had, and ordered me to give her a massage.
It was bliss.
On the third night, she told me to wake her up in the morning, which I eagerly did. After she had enjoyed three orgasms (I didn't really know, she bragged about it later) and I was about to have a big one myself, my watch alarm beeped the hour.
"Time's up, babe!" She said in a sexy voice while still pulling me closer and deeper and deeper.
This is where I misunderstood. Because of her tone of voice and body language, and maybe also because I was so close to the edge I could not think clearly, I thought she was telling me that it was getting late and I should finish right away. That is exactly what I did, finished on what I thought was her command, in a sudden gasp, even after only three days of denial.
We didn't have much time for cuddling or bask in each other's warmth, because both had to leave, so we set up to get ready.
"I was doing you a favor," she said suddenly.
"Huh?" I answered, in typical male-after-sex way.
"I told you that the time was up so you could be energized," she said. "But you didn't stop."
I felt terrible.
Here she was, accepting what I had told her that being denied energized me, knowing full well that in stopping me she was doing me a favor, and when she went ahead and did it, I just didn't listen.
"I'm so sorry, honey," I said, not knowing what else I could say to mitigate any potential damage, even though she didn't look mad and was talking to me matter-of-factly. "I didn't notice, I guess I was too involved and I just didn't understand your message."
"Don't worry," she said with a smile. "Next time, I will be stronger."
I can't wait to see what she will do "next time", which I hope will be tonight. I don't know if she will be up to anything, though, because we have both been sick, and even though we both feel better now, we are very tired.
EDIT: Nothing Happened. She was very tired and went to sleep.
NOTE: For some reason blogger is not letting me post comments again. The last time it resolved itself, so I won't worry too much, except to post this notice so you know I'm not ignoring your comments. I can still see them on the comments section , so If you have a comment, please feel free to leave it. The situation right now is this: I can't see see the individual pages of the blog, so can't comment, but I can see the main page, and I can see the comments listed in the comments section of "My Blogs" page. Interestingly enough I am having the same problem (can;t comment or see comments) with some other blogs, but not all.
Friday, January 13, 2012
A demon from the past raises its ugly head...
I have been denied for quite a few days and enjoying it wonderfully. It is amazing how energized I feel. Even after having release, the energy drop that most bloggers and writers describe has not been too big, and I have managed to remain submissive daily for many days now. I love the feeling and would love for it to continue.
One of the things that I have been doing to "keep it up" is that almost on a daily basis, I play with myself until the edge of orgasm, then stop. I have been using this as a method to increase my submissiveness and it works, up to a certain extent, because I have to do it several times to reach the same level I reach when let's say, V lets me bring her to orgasm and then stops me, or when she teases me heavily and then lets me dry. I'm sure that if I was edging at her command, it would be a different story, but we are not there yet.
Now, the reason I mention these things is that V has been away for a few days and I'm home alone. Yesterday, while I was edging, I almost had an orgasm and had to interrupt it. I was not sure whether I had ruined an orgasm (not a lot of experience there) or I had actually stopped it, so I played with it a bit more and almost immediately went all the way through and had an orgasm. It's been a long time since I had one without V and I felt miserable for having failed myself like that.
I am no stranger to masturbation. At one time in my life, I was a serious masturbation addict. The addiction was so serious that sometimes I'd miss work to spend the day masturbating. I would stop the car by the side of the road to masturbate in the middle of the day and walked out to the bathroom in the middle of a party to masturbate. My days (and nights) were consumed with the addiction as more and more time and stimulation were required to reach the same level of satisfaction. It took years (even after I was married) for me to bring this addiction under control, so I know that this is something I must avoid.
Well, yesterday, after masturbating once, I lost control and went and did it again. If I had felt bad because of one failure, doing it twice made me feel like a worthless piece of crap, especially because having just had an orgasm, I KNEW that I didn't NEED one, just WANTED one. Out of selfishness and pettiness, I abandoned my self-proclaimed fidelity to my wife and failed her, and myself, twice.
It was not until later in the day that I experienced the effects. With my almost constant sexual "high" depleted, I found I had completely lost any feelings of submissiveness. As a matter of fact, I felt like I didn't even felt comfortable thinking about submitting to a woman. Being aware of how my feelings were progressing, and having read about how tease and denial keeps a man submissive, I was not surprised that my submissive feelings were gone. I had expected to feel something when I had an orgasm, but what I felt after the two orgasms, was strikingly noticeable.
I felt like I was a different person, a man with no feelings, no empathy, devoid of joy and passion, living in a colorless world. It brought memories of a time, years ago, when I entered into a severe state of depression, when all I wanted was to die, and despised myself even more for lacking the courage to do anything about it. This must have been if not the most, one of the darkest times of my life. In contrast, the years I've spent with V, even the rough early ones, are like a ray of sunshine.
All I want right now is to have her close, to confess to her that I had failed and to wet her feet with my tears begging for her forgiveness. Oh, if only she would stand over me, express her disapproval and punish me severely for my wrongdoing! I don't know if I should tell her of my failure, because if I did, it would only hurt her feelings and make her distance herself from me. If she asked, I would not be able to lie to her, but otherwise, I don;t think I should mention it.
I've read that an addict is never really cured, but must remain vigilant and in control, lest the addiction overcome him again. This is one of my personal demons, one that thanks to V, her patience and her love for me, has lost his grip over my life and has retreated to a dark corner, out of sight for the most part. It is up to me to be strong every time this beast raises its ugly head.
My wife will be with me again in less than a week. I hope I will be able to resist temptation until then.
I am so sorry...
One of the things that I have been doing to "keep it up" is that almost on a daily basis, I play with myself until the edge of orgasm, then stop. I have been using this as a method to increase my submissiveness and it works, up to a certain extent, because I have to do it several times to reach the same level I reach when let's say, V lets me bring her to orgasm and then stops me, or when she teases me heavily and then lets me dry. I'm sure that if I was edging at her command, it would be a different story, but we are not there yet.
Now, the reason I mention these things is that V has been away for a few days and I'm home alone. Yesterday, while I was edging, I almost had an orgasm and had to interrupt it. I was not sure whether I had ruined an orgasm (not a lot of experience there) or I had actually stopped it, so I played with it a bit more and almost immediately went all the way through and had an orgasm. It's been a long time since I had one without V and I felt miserable for having failed myself like that.
I am no stranger to masturbation. At one time in my life, I was a serious masturbation addict. The addiction was so serious that sometimes I'd miss work to spend the day masturbating. I would stop the car by the side of the road to masturbate in the middle of the day and walked out to the bathroom in the middle of a party to masturbate. My days (and nights) were consumed with the addiction as more and more time and stimulation were required to reach the same level of satisfaction. It took years (even after I was married) for me to bring this addiction under control, so I know that this is something I must avoid.
Well, yesterday, after masturbating once, I lost control and went and did it again. If I had felt bad because of one failure, doing it twice made me feel like a worthless piece of crap, especially because having just had an orgasm, I KNEW that I didn't NEED one, just WANTED one. Out of selfishness and pettiness, I abandoned my self-proclaimed fidelity to my wife and failed her, and myself, twice.
It was not until later in the day that I experienced the effects. With my almost constant sexual "high" depleted, I found I had completely lost any feelings of submissiveness. As a matter of fact, I felt like I didn't even felt comfortable thinking about submitting to a woman. Being aware of how my feelings were progressing, and having read about how tease and denial keeps a man submissive, I was not surprised that my submissive feelings were gone. I had expected to feel something when I had an orgasm, but what I felt after the two orgasms, was strikingly noticeable.
I felt like I was a different person, a man with no feelings, no empathy, devoid of joy and passion, living in a colorless world. It brought memories of a time, years ago, when I entered into a severe state of depression, when all I wanted was to die, and despised myself even more for lacking the courage to do anything about it. This must have been if not the most, one of the darkest times of my life. In contrast, the years I've spent with V, even the rough early ones, are like a ray of sunshine.
All I want right now is to have her close, to confess to her that I had failed and to wet her feet with my tears begging for her forgiveness. Oh, if only she would stand over me, express her disapproval and punish me severely for my wrongdoing! I don't know if I should tell her of my failure, because if I did, it would only hurt her feelings and make her distance herself from me. If she asked, I would not be able to lie to her, but otherwise, I don;t think I should mention it.
I've read that an addict is never really cured, but must remain vigilant and in control, lest the addiction overcome him again. This is one of my personal demons, one that thanks to V, her patience and her love for me, has lost his grip over my life and has retreated to a dark corner, out of sight for the most part. It is up to me to be strong every time this beast raises its ugly head.
My wife will be with me again in less than a week. I hope I will be able to resist temptation until then.
I am so sorry...
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