The reason for my silence...

This is probably the worst news I have shared here so far.

Miss V is suffering from horrible pelvic floor pain, apparently caused by a previously undetected lession she got in one of her pregnancies and has been told that the condition will be permanent, The current effort is to manage the symptoms.

This means no sex... (possibly forever)

With this, her desire has dissappeared, and her interest in all things sexual.

The most important thing right now is to help her recover, It is being hard on both of us. On me because of the dual reality that on the one hand I desire her as much as always, but she feels disinclined to do things for me because it is her understanding that I "like being horny" (Talk about backfiring). On the other hand, it is painful to see her suffering and being unable to do simple things that she would take for granted. Please note that this is no old woman by any measure, but still in her mid 30's.

I suffer from back pains due to an old injury and every once in a while I have a flare-up that sometimes can be incapacitating. However, it is one thing to know that if I rest for a couple days and take my meds, I'll be up again and a totally different thing altogether to be given no hope. The various doctors (and now pain specialists and therapists) that she is seeing are telling her that she will not recover because her problem was supposed to have been taken care of back when she had the baby 14 years ago and her tissues will not heal.

So, as far as the topic of this blog is concerned, all activity has ceased, and I am now in a not-by-choice sexless relationship.

I will post something if and when the situation changes. For now, I need to go focus on helping her and making sure she recovers as much as she possibly can.

Thank you all for reading.

Father's Day Strapon - Pause - Then Two in a row

Miss V's schedule has been opposite mine for a while, so there had not been any activity between us since Father's day, when she took me from behind with the strap-on and then finished me off in a hand job while I rode on top.

I think handjobs are more pleasurable than vaginal sex, and if they are done while I ride a strap-on, then they are incredibly intense. Miss V knows this and that's the reason she offered it to me as my Father's Day gift.

Originally, in the morning, she gave me a card and a pair of wonder woman's panties.

No, it's not what you are thinking (or what I was thinking/hoping at  the moment). The panties were not for me to wear, but for me to see her wear as she intended to be wonder woman and fuck me later. She left them with me while she went to work (yes, she worked on Father's day) and told me that I should get ready (her code for taking a good shower and enema) if I wanted her attentions at night.

Well, after that gift, she's been way too busy to even see me, as I've been asleep by the time she comes home and she's been asleep at the time I leave in the morning.

I waited for her a couple of nights, but she just stated that she was too tired and went ot bed. This gets me in a bad mood, because I don't get enough sleep and then suffer a total lack of productivity during the day.

So in summary, nothing had happened for the last few weeks.

Until last night.

She came home, pulled my blankets, and told me that I needed to fuck her (yes, she used the word, which she rarely does) I was half asleep, so she grabbed on to my cock and started roughing it up until I actually responded. We had regular sex (meaning, nothing kinky) and I ended up having an orgasm inside her, not even stopping to think to ask permission. I guess the whole thing didn't take that long, but I was exhausted, and so was she.

This morning, she woke me up again and had me fuck her, this time from behind, in spooning position, before heading for work (yes, she works on Saturdays too!) and I ended up having another orgasm. "Oh," she said as I convulsed my ejaculation. "I soooo needed to be fucked."

Since I was tired from the week's work, and lack of sleep, I went back to sleep assuming she had left, but she woke me up again before leaving.

No, it was not for more sex... Phew!

"You have gotten two freebies now," she said, waving her wonder woman panties in front of my face. "I want all the dishes done before I come home from work, and clean the kitchen."

Yes, she's getting ready to deny me again. I know it.

I realize that I got two orgasms in a row, and they may have been because she really wanted me to have them, or maybe because she felt that she had not seen me at all in almost three weeks, or perhaps it is just as she says ans she needed to feel me explode inside her. Sometimes it is hard to understand, so it is better to just do as you are told and enjoy it.

The funny thing is that instead of feeling drained, I've been horny and leaking precum in my pants all day. I guess the two orgasms in quick succession may have accelerated cum production? I don't know, but now I want another one really badly, so her denial tonight, which I can almost take for granted, will be stronger than usual for a day one.

Anyone with any information as to why this may be?

Focusing on Others

Recently, I've been working with an online slave trainer, called Mistress Lina, who challenged me to write about focusing on others. This is what she said:

Welcome!

Your registration number is:   XXX 

Your first step is to try let go of your ego and focus on other people (family, friends or me). You can write about it when you feel you have made some progress. Letting go of 'I want' is not easy and might take some time and effort.

So, I thought: Whoa! This is way too easy! I wanted her to... and then it hit me. I was starting on the "I want" wagon right away. For the next couple of days, I considered the diference between trying to tell a mistress how you want her to dominate you, versus accepting her control in any way that she chooses to exercise it.

I came to one conclusion: True submissiveness is not easy. To think purely in the sense of "What she wants" and not in terms of my own personal desires is not easy. You have to step out of your shoes and into hers. Does she really want to have a man kneeling in front of her licking her feet? Maybe some women do, but Miss V definitely doesn't and when she allows it to happen, it is a gift she gives me, and not a service to her in any way. One time when I asked her what she really wanted, she said "an immaculate kitchen". That day I worked really hard to make the kitchen as clean as she wated it, and when she came home, she told me that I had done well, and when we went to the bedroom, she drew a marble, which was red. She told me she was too tired to enjoy herself, so she would save the red bead for the morning. In the interim, she said, I could get the cream and give her a foot rub while I though about how much SHE was going to enjoy in the morning.

There was a truly dominating act from Miss V (I even got to kiss her feet that night) that came about when I refrained from going after what I wanted and really did what SHE wanted. For the most part, however, I still have much to learn in terms of focusing in her needs and desires instead of  my fantasies. I already have the marbles game, which Miss V plays heartily, and this gives me denial. Now I have to make a better effort of forgetting my "selfish self" and focusing more perfectly in her needs and wants.

Mistress Lina said: A fake dominant, serves the slave and takes his money; a true Dominant is served by the slaves and the slaves are happy because they served her.

So in essence, in both cases there is give and take, but only one of them can bring lastign satisfaction.

I think I'm about getting ready to answer Mistress Lina's challenge.

My Problem, not Hers...

I'm getting to my house, a little later than usual, and Miss V is on her way out to work. We cross paths on the front of our building, we kiss, exchange some unimportant details about our respective days and she tells me she will be coming home earlier.

She tells me she needs to go, and we say our good-byes.

"Oh, and by the way," she adds as an afterthought. "Your marble for tonight is RED*".

"Why?" I ask. I don't even know why I ask. I don't want to, but I still do it.

She shrugs. "Because that's what I drew".

I complain. I know I shouldn't, but I do nevertheless. I still need to learn. My main complaint is that by drawing the marble before I get home, she denies me the opportunity of earning today's green marble before the draw.

"Well,"she says, "That is your problem, not mine..."

She's right. That is indeed my problem. Not hers.

And learning to stop questioning her is my problem too...


*NOTE: This refers to the long-term orgasm denial game we play, which has already been described elsewhere on these pages where my positive behavior earns green marbles, and my negative behavior earns me red ones. When Miss V doesn't particularly care whether I cum or not (which is most of the time), she draws a marble. Green means orgasm, red means none. There are other rules, like every Sunday 5 green marbles are replaced by red ones, but this is the essence of the rules.

Her Confidence in my Denial.

"I'm thinking about you", I text my wife.

She texts a picture back, of her bare foot, the big toe sticking out. "Think some more" she writes.

I do. I love how she chooses a foot as her text tease. One week ago she texted me a picture of her pantied bottom with the caption "I miss you".

I get home with barely enough time to see her, make out a bit in the kitchen and press myself against her to let her know of my horniness level. There are children around, so all she does to indicate that she had noticed is moan a little in my ear, which if course, makes my horniness indicator flare up another notch.

"I'm hoping..." I start as she walks out of the house. She interrupts me.

"Hope all you want,"she says as she closes the door. "But do the dishes".

I'll bet you can guess whether the dishes were done.

I love how her confidence in my denial is growing.

One week interval...

I got an orgasm last Saturday.

I got another one this Saturday.

In between, there was no teasing, no sensuality and almost no contact of any kind. As a matter of fact, I was on the verge of whinning about it this past Friday when she pulled the container (it's actually a black velvet pouch) holding the marbles and started to shake it, mixing them. It's funny how the sound of marbles can have an erotic meaning to us now. She didn't 'cheat' or look inside the pouch when she pulled the marble out, a green one, which would mean an orgasm was in order.

I say she didn't cheat for lack of a better term. Miss V can decide whether I can have an orgasm or not, and she knows it (even if sometimes she forgets) but she prefers to switch the marble instead of telling me directly that there was a green one but she chooses to not honor it. She has only done that once. On a day when a marble came out green and she said that she was hoping for a red one, so she could use me quickly and then go to sleep. I mentioned to her that she could do as she pleased and that the marbles were not obligations for her. She denied me that day, but this has never happened again.

Well, an orgasm was in store for me, but she was too tired and she told me that she would honor it in the morning. In the morning, while I was still asleep, she pulled my underwear down, leaving it at my ankles, and straddled me. I was still half asleep (only slept 4 hours) and was having a hard time getting hard, but she insisted until she got my full attention. She rode me until she had her first orgasm.

Then it became difficult. She turned both of us around, so I could be on top, but I had not brushed my teeth, and my mouth smelled something fierce, so I didn't want to open it. This made it harder to breathe, and harder to reach an orgasm for me. She reached her second one after a while, and I happily made as if to turn her around so I could take her from behind. This would have allowed me to open my mouth, get some air and finally find relief. This was not going to be, however.

"No," she said, holding me in place. ""Not yet, boy! I am not done."

I was loving her attitutde, but concerned that I was starting to get a bit tired, and would not be able to finish. This time, I pumped hard on her, holding her tight while facing the opposite way. I allowed myself a bit of air this way, and this renewed my energy. Her panting and moaning became more intense, also something she shied away from before, and her third orgasm actually took less time than the second.

"Now it's your turn, but you have two minutes," she said holding me tight.

"May I turn you around?" I asked, trembling with exhaustion.

She laughed and agreed, and once I had her face down, the vision of my hard member entering her beautiful bottom made me finish very quickly.

I was still recovering when she told me that I needed to take a shower, because she wanted me to drive her to work, so I could keep her car, because she had "a mission" for me. I did as instructed, and found out that the mission was to take the girls places and to go shopping for groceries.

I did as instructed, which earned me another green marble, but didn't do the dishes, which would have been a second one. This made me fall short of improving my odds this week, since every Sunday, I have to remove 5 green marbles from the pouch.

I hope she becomes more active this week (sometimes this happens when I give her multiple orgasms) and doesn't wait until next Saturday to demand my attentions.

I hope.

Unauthorized orgasm

I came yesterday, and I was not supposed to.

It all started earlier when my son and my daughter were arguing over whose activity I'd join. I didn't want to hurt their feelings, because both really wanted to spend time with me, but I could not do both. I decided to ask my wife what she thought.

I called her over to where the kids were arguing, and told her what each of them wanted, asking her opinion.

"You are doing neither," she said, surprising the children. "You have to go to work tomorrow, so you have to get to the kitchen right now, do the dishes and go to bed."

"You have ten minutes," she added.

I don't think the children will argue about me for the time being...

I did the dishes, which were many, and that earned me a green marble (I don't know if I've mentioned here that I hurt my feet a week and a half ago and have switched from working out to providing house service to earn my green marbles, but yeah, that's how it is for now)

I went to bed and she drew a marble. She asked me if I wanted to know the color, and I said yes, but she said that she would keep it secret to torment me. She made me give her a foot massage while she worked on her computer. It kind of felt interesting, me serving her and being ignored at the same time. I kissed her feet, but when I tried to suck on her toes, she pulled away, so I limited myself to kisses.

After that, she put her computer away and pulled me over. We kissed long and hard, until my lips were swollen from all her biting and sucking. Then she told me to make love to her, which by this time I did with great energy.

She had a couple nice orgasms, including one where I covered her mouth and she allowed herself to make noise, since I was muffling her sound. Then, while she was still under me, she showed me the marble she had drawn earlier. It was a red one, which meant I would have no release.

She laughed and told me to keep going, because she was not done yet, but that there would be nothing for me. I groaned, and she laughed some more (I love that evil laugh). But in the process of trying to get her to reach her third orgasm, I reached the point of no return.

"I'm going to come!"I said pumping hard and deep into her.

"Don't you dare!"she said, but pulled me closer and ground herself against me.

It didn't matter anyway, because I was in the process already and there was no stopping it any more. She held me close until my numerous spasms stopped, and while still caressing my body, she told me that I was in deep trouble, but that she was too happy right then to think about what to do, so she would tell me in the morning.

 "I hope it was worth it,"she said before turning around and letting me go to sleep hugging her precious bottom. I wondered for a moment what she was going to do to punish me, but I was in post orgasmic bliss and super tired, so I fell asleep quite rapidly.

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, she looked at me and asked me how many green marbles were in my container. I had 5, because as you might know, every Sunday, 5 marbles are removed from the container, to keep me working for them.

"OK," she said. "Change them all to reds..."

I did, and now my punishment for having an unauthorized orgasm is a longer period of denial.

I think it WAS worth it. What do you think?