This mornign I was not feeling too good, so i decided to call work and ask for a sick day off. My plan was to take some medicine, rest and then clean a little around the house, unasked.
When V got up she told me that the house was a mess (I knew that) and asked me if I could clean the kitchen. I smiled and told her I'd do it. Then she asked me if I would cook dinner also. She was a little tentative, as if she was not sure if i was going to say yes, which obviously i did.
After she was gone, I rested a little, as I intended to do. Then I got up and got to work.
I felt good because I was doing as she asked, but I think I needed a little more domination, because I made up some fantasy while I worked.
I knelt down for a while, imagining that it was V who had ordered me to, then I placed a small vibrator up my behind, put a pair of underpants on (I don't own panties, and V's are too small) and pulled them up, so they fit like a g-string to both stimulate and hold the vibrator in place. In addition to the underpants, I only used a white apron.
Needless to say, every time I bent over or reached, the vibrator was pushed in and I imagined it was V pushing it. I did all the dishes and then came to the bedroom to adjust the 'items' because they were falling out of place. Then I realized that the underpants were not strong enough to hold the vibrator in place for an extended period, so I tied two leather belts together and tied them from the crotch to the left shoulder. Now it was really tight, and I could feel the vibrator pushing my insides every time I reached up. I moped the floor that way, and it took quite a while, because I was enjoying the process.
After I finished, I felt guilty for enjoying so much and fantasized that V was not pleased with how much fun I was having and ordered to my knees again. This time I knelf in front of the mirror and took a third leather belt and belted myself good until my behind was hot and red.
This is not the first time I punish myself with a belt, but having another leather belt between my butt cheeks protected the anus and testicles from accidental impacts and that allowed me to hit to my heart's content. I don't even remember how many times I took the belt today, but I remember that at some point I started hitting as hard as I could and it kept hurting less and less. I guess that was because of the famous endorphins that people keep talking about, but I didn't feel any rush or dizziness or anything like that.
After I finished the punishment, I knelt, kissed the belt and thanked my imaginary mistress for taking the time to discipline me.
The girls were about to come back from school, so I cleaned the stuff, got dressed and watched some TV.
When V came home, we ate together and she asked me how my day had gone. I said that it had been great and she asked me if I wanted to be a stay at home dad.
I said that it would be lovely, but everyone took it as a joke, and I didn't want to clarify because the family was present. Of course, being a stay at home dad is not possible for me right now, because I make six-figures and my wife is back in college, but the idea is attractive.
Now, as I prepare to sleep, I have a conflict of feelings. On the one hand, my submissiveness was sated. I feel that I served V and that made the day good, but on the other hand, I feel that I cheated, because I played a scene by myself. It's funny how I can at the same time feel like V actually did the stuff I fantasized about, while at the same time I doubt she'll ever do anything like this, even if she accepted my submission to her.
I don't think what I did today is healthy. I remember when I was single and I became addicted to masturbation. It was a very hard time, as at the worst point, the addiction took most of my waking hours. I would even park the car on the side of the freeway so i could jerk off, because I had been driving for two hours. What ended up happening was that my hand became more attractive than my girlfriend, and I evenually broke up with her (the girlfriend, not the hand). It took me years to sober up from my addiction and I don't want to develop a new one, unless is to my wife.
I think that if I continue doing what I did today, there is teh possibility that I might separate my feelings of submission from the person my submission is directed to, and that would be disastrous. This is the main reason for me not to approach professional dommes. I have feelings of submission for V, and don't think that such feelings should be allowed to wander in any other direction. Right now, because my fantasy involved her and only her, I feel as if it's okay, but fantasy can be very powerful, especially when one lacks reality, so it is something I have to watch carefully.
And I'm not even going to talk about how my butt feels right now, both from the couple of hours of the vibrator and the violent encounter with the belt... All I will say is that I wish it had been V the one who caused it. Then there would be none of this conflict.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Almost told her?
After V came home last night, she went straight to bed. I was there, just having finished the posts I wrote yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised when she laid down and asked me to bring her chocolate pudding and put the girls to sleep.
After sendignthe girls to bed, I brought her the chocolate pudding and as she ate it, I took her socks off and gave her a foot rub with some lotion. While I did that, she pulled her laptop from gher bedside table and checked her email. I asked her if she liked it, she said yes. I kissed her feet several times, and when she told me that they stunk, I said that they smelled like cherry blossoms (that was the fragance of the lotion).
"Do you think I'm weird?" I asked after kissing her feet once more.
"Yes, honey, you are."
"Do you love me anyway?" I asked with a smile. I'm confident that she still loves me.
"Yes, baby, I love you."
After this, she signaled for me to get in bed with her and we had vanilla sex. I apologized in advance, because as soon as we started, I knew I was not going to last long. She spanked me once, which only made matters worse (better?).
"You owe me," she said when I finished and could not go no more. "You owe me big time."
"How can I make it up to you?"
"I don't know," she said. "But you owe me big time."
Now, if we were already in a FLR, I would be shaking in my proberbial boots if she said that. As it is, I know she won't do anything about it.
After that, I went to check if the girls had actually gone to bed (they hadn't). And when I returned, she asked me if I knew a particular story. At first I didn't remember it, but then she said a few things and I did remember the story. I told her I knew it and she asked me to tell it to her, because she's working on it at school and the version they have was a little strange.
The story deals with a king that sees a girls dance and filling himself with lust, offers her anything she wants, even up to half his kingdom. Of course, the girl asks for something the king doesn't want to give, but that is another story. The main point here is that after the girl asked, he felt compelled to give her what she asked for, and he did.
"That is the amazing power a woman can have over a man, " I told my wife. "I think that after seeing her dance, he had no hope. He was in her power."
"Yes," said my wife, yawning. "I think so."
"You know?" I asked, venturing a little into 'Fearland'. "That is the same power you have over me. I think I would totally give you half my kingdom if you asked for it... Heck, I think I already gave you half my kingdom!"
"Yes, you did," said V simply with a smile.
"I totally love doing what you ask me to," I said.
She smiled again and thanked me for the story.
I don't think she understood the magnitude of what I just told her, but it doesn't matter. THe idea is that I am 'coming out' a little and this may pave the way for bigger and better things. So, No, I didn't tell her, but I breached the subject and she didn't panic.
Let's see where I can bring this next time.
After sendignthe girls to bed, I brought her the chocolate pudding and as she ate it, I took her socks off and gave her a foot rub with some lotion. While I did that, she pulled her laptop from gher bedside table and checked her email. I asked her if she liked it, she said yes. I kissed her feet several times, and when she told me that they stunk, I said that they smelled like cherry blossoms (that was the fragance of the lotion).
"Do you think I'm weird?" I asked after kissing her feet once more.
"Yes, honey, you are."
"Do you love me anyway?" I asked with a smile. I'm confident that she still loves me.
"Yes, baby, I love you."
After this, she signaled for me to get in bed with her and we had vanilla sex. I apologized in advance, because as soon as we started, I knew I was not going to last long. She spanked me once, which only made matters worse (better?).
"You owe me," she said when I finished and could not go no more. "You owe me big time."
"How can I make it up to you?"
"I don't know," she said. "But you owe me big time."
Now, if we were already in a FLR, I would be shaking in my proberbial boots if she said that. As it is, I know she won't do anything about it.
After that, I went to check if the girls had actually gone to bed (they hadn't). And when I returned, she asked me if I knew a particular story. At first I didn't remember it, but then she said a few things and I did remember the story. I told her I knew it and she asked me to tell it to her, because she's working on it at school and the version they have was a little strange.
The story deals with a king that sees a girls dance and filling himself with lust, offers her anything she wants, even up to half his kingdom. Of course, the girl asks for something the king doesn't want to give, but that is another story. The main point here is that after the girl asked, he felt compelled to give her what she asked for, and he did.
"That is the amazing power a woman can have over a man, " I told my wife. "I think that after seeing her dance, he had no hope. He was in her power."
"Yes," said my wife, yawning. "I think so."
"You know?" I asked, venturing a little into 'Fearland'. "That is the same power you have over me. I think I would totally give you half my kingdom if you asked for it... Heck, I think I already gave you half my kingdom!"
"Yes, you did," said V simply with a smile.
"I totally love doing what you ask me to," I said.
She smiled again and thanked me for the story.
I don't think she understood the magnitude of what I just told her, but it doesn't matter. THe idea is that I am 'coming out' a little and this may pave the way for bigger and better things. So, No, I didn't tell her, but I breached the subject and she didn't panic.
Let's see where I can bring this next time.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Same o' same o'
Nothing has changed.
I'm still in the same "I don't dare telling my wife how I feel about submitting to her" mood I have been for the recemt past.
This must be so boring to read about that I don't even care to write about it. However, I have been sexless for several days and feel more submissive than usual.
V is not home right now, and instead of taking the chance to serve her by cleaning the house and doing shores, I spent the time surfing submissive material on the web. Bad. I wish V would punish me, but I guess it will never happen.
We haven't had a fight for years now, which is a good thing.
Today, I was fantasizing about proposing an experiment to my wife. I thought about telling my wife that I wanted to experiment with orgasm control, because I read something about the energy and creativity that can be unleashed when diverting sexual energy to something else. I thought about it at work and for a while it seemed like it could work. I would tell her that in order for the experiment to work, I needed her to be the decider as to when I could have an orgasm, but don't tell me. I wanted to ask her to stop me after having her own orgasm and teling me that "it was not time yet". It sounded like something I could do, and I thought "wow! I can do this!" but then I came home and she was not here and now I'm not so sure and I think I'm pathetic and hate myself for being such a coward (and I better stop, because I'm beginning to sound like a teenaged girl)
In truth I don't hate myself. I just hate how I dare not opening up to my wife.
Who knows, maybe I'll dare propose a little experiment to her. I don't know how to get her to tease me and deny me, though, or to order me to provide her with acts of personal service. I'll have to think more about this, I guess, but the thinking is what kills my resolve. Sometimes I think that maybe I can write something and leave it where she "accidentally" finds it, but then I think it is not honest.
I wish she would catch me doing this blog and make me confess everything. Sometimes I feel like being rejected may be better than having this deep need hidden in uncertainty.
I'm probably not being very coherent right now, but I have been denied for 4 days (not in the nice way, but just because my wife is too busy and tired) and I'm horny as hell...
I'm still in the same "I don't dare telling my wife how I feel about submitting to her" mood I have been for the recemt past.
This must be so boring to read about that I don't even care to write about it. However, I have been sexless for several days and feel more submissive than usual.
V is not home right now, and instead of taking the chance to serve her by cleaning the house and doing shores, I spent the time surfing submissive material on the web. Bad. I wish V would punish me, but I guess it will never happen.
We haven't had a fight for years now, which is a good thing.
Today, I was fantasizing about proposing an experiment to my wife. I thought about telling my wife that I wanted to experiment with orgasm control, because I read something about the energy and creativity that can be unleashed when diverting sexual energy to something else. I thought about it at work and for a while it seemed like it could work. I would tell her that in order for the experiment to work, I needed her to be the decider as to when I could have an orgasm, but don't tell me. I wanted to ask her to stop me after having her own orgasm and teling me that "it was not time yet". It sounded like something I could do, and I thought "wow! I can do this!" but then I came home and she was not here and now I'm not so sure and I think I'm pathetic and hate myself for being such a coward (and I better stop, because I'm beginning to sound like a teenaged girl)
In truth I don't hate myself. I just hate how I dare not opening up to my wife.
Who knows, maybe I'll dare propose a little experiment to her. I don't know how to get her to tease me and deny me, though, or to order me to provide her with acts of personal service. I'll have to think more about this, I guess, but the thinking is what kills my resolve. Sometimes I think that maybe I can write something and leave it where she "accidentally" finds it, but then I think it is not honest.
I wish she would catch me doing this blog and make me confess everything. Sometimes I feel like being rejected may be better than having this deep need hidden in uncertainty.
I'm probably not being very coherent right now, but I have been denied for 4 days (not in the nice way, but just because my wife is too busy and tired) and I'm horny as hell...
Monday, June 21, 2010
Too busy or not too busy...
V and I are moving to a new home and we have been extremely busy. Needless to say, for the most part her choices have been honored. True, she asks me and listens to my opinions, but it is ultimately her opinion that counts.
I like it that way. It somehow feeds my submissiveness, even though only a little.
It would be better if she would acknowledge her dominance, I know, but we are moving slowly there. today my wife made an interesting observation. She said that she has noticed that I love her more when I have a hard time at work.
I found it interesting that she noticed that the more hectic, erratic and hectic my work life is, the more I need to submit to the stability and steady hand of my wife. I told her that when life becomes unstable, a man needs the stability of his relationship to keep his balance and preserve his sanity. I wanted to say more, but the children were present. All I wanted was to scream that I needed her to guide me, to lead me with a firm but loving hand to whatever her whims desire.
I asked her if she needed anything from me and she told me that she wanted me to go to sleep to recover my energy so I could become my usual happy self.
If only I could tell her what would really bring the happy into the open...
I like it that way. It somehow feeds my submissiveness, even though only a little.
It would be better if she would acknowledge her dominance, I know, but we are moving slowly there. today my wife made an interesting observation. She said that she has noticed that I love her more when I have a hard time at work.
I found it interesting that she noticed that the more hectic, erratic and hectic my work life is, the more I need to submit to the stability and steady hand of my wife. I told her that when life becomes unstable, a man needs the stability of his relationship to keep his balance and preserve his sanity. I wanted to say more, but the children were present. All I wanted was to scream that I needed her to guide me, to lead me with a firm but loving hand to whatever her whims desire.
I asked her if she needed anything from me and she told me that she wanted me to go to sleep to recover my energy so I could become my usual happy self.
If only I could tell her what would really bring the happy into the open...
Friday, April 30, 2010
Resolution Status
Wednesday afternoon my wife and I made up a few times in the kitchen. When later we went to bed, she told me she was tired and wanted to sleep so I "was not getting any". I smiled and told her that of course we could sleep.
Thursday morning, I woke up with an erection and wanting my wife very much. I started kissing her and caressing her legs and she toyed with my hard penis a little. She told me we could not do anything because it was late and we needed to leave. I started to get up when she grabbed me and asked me "who said you could leave?" I smiled and laid there with her some more, until she let go of me and told me to go to work.
I went to the bathroom, shaved and brushed my teeth and my erection didn't go away, so when I walked into the room I pointed at it and told V that I would be thinking about her during the day. She teased me saying "Good, but don't break anything"
I had a good day, thought about her and sent her an email from work telling her so.
When I came home, she was getting ready to leave and I was to stay with the kids. She didn't ask me to do anything, but said "Oh my god, this house is disgusting!" and then she added "It never ends! The laundry! The dishes!" I made a mental note of her subliminal message (you see? even ol' me can learn)
As soon as she left I went to work, to follow my new resolutions and did some work around the house. I did not do all by myself, but assigned some tasks to the kids. I selfishly kept the laundry and the dishes for myself, though since I know those were the ones my wife mentioned.
When she arrived, she commented that the house looked better and thanked me, but she had stuff to do, even though it was late. I'm glad my work ends at the end of my work day and I don't have to bring "homework"
She kissed me and went straight to sleep. It felt really good to be helping her around the house again. I was not sleepy so I read a book I got called "Uniquely Rika" that showed me an interesting perspective on D/s relationships. I won't comment about it now, because it probably deserves another post, but it was interesting.
I was up early this morning, way before the alarm and ready with another erection, but this time, motivated by what I read in Mistress Rika's book, I took the initiative and grabbed my wife. She responded by setting herself sideways, so we could spoon. Whenever she does this is an invitation for sex, but she wants to be passive and wants me to give it to her from behind.
I did it, but I know that she usually doesn't get orgasms that way, so after a while I turned her over and made love on top of her. I asked her if she was done before I came and she said "Oh, yes!"
Today, I took her out to dinner and bough her a watch she needed. While we checked the watches I saw her inspecting a necklace and when she put it back on the rack I asked her if she liked it and she said, "I love it, but may be some other time." I grabbed it and gave it to her. "You deserve it." I said. She took it and was very happy about it.
I'm feeling way better about myself and about my resolutions. I have to share more about what I sent her on an email (that she has not responded yet to) and about Mistress Rika's book.
Thursday morning, I woke up with an erection and wanting my wife very much. I started kissing her and caressing her legs and she toyed with my hard penis a little. She told me we could not do anything because it was late and we needed to leave. I started to get up when she grabbed me and asked me "who said you could leave?" I smiled and laid there with her some more, until she let go of me and told me to go to work.
I went to the bathroom, shaved and brushed my teeth and my erection didn't go away, so when I walked into the room I pointed at it and told V that I would be thinking about her during the day. She teased me saying "Good, but don't break anything"
I had a good day, thought about her and sent her an email from work telling her so.
When I came home, she was getting ready to leave and I was to stay with the kids. She didn't ask me to do anything, but said "Oh my god, this house is disgusting!" and then she added "It never ends! The laundry! The dishes!" I made a mental note of her subliminal message (you see? even ol' me can learn)
As soon as she left I went to work, to follow my new resolutions and did some work around the house. I did not do all by myself, but assigned some tasks to the kids. I selfishly kept the laundry and the dishes for myself, though since I know those were the ones my wife mentioned.
When she arrived, she commented that the house looked better and thanked me, but she had stuff to do, even though it was late. I'm glad my work ends at the end of my work day and I don't have to bring "homework"
She kissed me and went straight to sleep. It felt really good to be helping her around the house again. I was not sleepy so I read a book I got called "Uniquely Rika" that showed me an interesting perspective on D/s relationships. I won't comment about it now, because it probably deserves another post, but it was interesting.
I was up early this morning, way before the alarm and ready with another erection, but this time, motivated by what I read in Mistress Rika's book, I took the initiative and grabbed my wife. She responded by setting herself sideways, so we could spoon. Whenever she does this is an invitation for sex, but she wants to be passive and wants me to give it to her from behind.
I did it, but I know that she usually doesn't get orgasms that way, so after a while I turned her over and made love on top of her. I asked her if she was done before I came and she said "Oh, yes!"
Today, I took her out to dinner and bough her a watch she needed. While we checked the watches I saw her inspecting a necklace and when she put it back on the rack I asked her if she liked it and she said, "I love it, but may be some other time." I grabbed it and gave it to her. "You deserve it." I said. She took it and was very happy about it.
I'm feeling way better about myself and about my resolutions. I have to share more about what I sent her on an email (that she has not responded yet to) and about Mistress Rika's book.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Quest Renewed
After the comments left by At All Times in my latest post and reading the blog A Wonderful Journey, I have thought hard about my desires to submit.
Do I really want to submit to V?
Am I willing to do whatever she needs me to do to make her happy, satisfy her needs and encourage her dominance, in that order?
Why do I become lazy and unenthusiastic sometimes?
After much thought, I have decided that I can't give up my quest. I have lived with the need to submit for many years, even though I only identified what my "problem" was until a few years ago, and can't afford to continue living life unfulfilled. If I'm unfulfilled and frustrated I won't be able to make my wife as happy as she deserves to be. If I search for release of my need to submit on other women, even imaginary ones, I would be unfaithful to the one who gives me her everything. I can't do that. My relationship is sacred and permanent. I can't be unfaithful to V.
So, what's left?
This is it. I have to do it. She doesn't know what I need and I'm too afraid to tell her, so I'll have to be patient and understanding. I have come to the following resolutions:
1) I WON'T GO TO BED AT NIGHT UNLESS I HAVE PERFORMED AT LEAST ONE ACT OF SERVICE TO MY WIFE
2) I WILL CONTINUE TO LOOK FOR SUBTLE WAYS TO EMPOWER HER, ENCOURAGING HER DOMINANT BEHAVIOR BUT NEVER COMPLAINING ABOUT HER VANILLA BEHAVIOR
3) I WILL ACCEPT MY WIFE'S WISHES AND PREFERENCES WITHOUT TRYING TO FORCE ANY UNWANTED CHANGE IN HER
4) I WILL BE PATIENT IN UNDERSTANDING THAT IF SHE DOES NOT ACCEPT MY SUBMISSION, IT IS MY OWN FAULT FOR NOT HAVING REALLY OFFERED AND NOT A PERSONAL REJECTION.
5) I WILL LOOK FOR WAYS TO INTRODUCE THE CONCEPTS OF FLR IN SAFE, NON-THREATENING WAYS.
6) MY WIFE AND HER NEEDS WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST, WAY BEFORE MY NEEDS FOR DOMINATION.
All of the above will be my work for the future.
I started immediately by cleaning our room before going to bed last night. She noticed that I tidied up a little and mentioned it.
Later today, or tomorrow, I will continue with what happened at night and at morning, and also with whatever act of service I perform tonight. There's much to do and she's going out, so perhaps I'll be able to do quite a bit.
We'll see...
Later.
Do I really want to submit to V?
Am I willing to do whatever she needs me to do to make her happy, satisfy her needs and encourage her dominance, in that order?
Why do I become lazy and unenthusiastic sometimes?
After much thought, I have decided that I can't give up my quest. I have lived with the need to submit for many years, even though I only identified what my "problem" was until a few years ago, and can't afford to continue living life unfulfilled. If I'm unfulfilled and frustrated I won't be able to make my wife as happy as she deserves to be. If I search for release of my need to submit on other women, even imaginary ones, I would be unfaithful to the one who gives me her everything. I can't do that. My relationship is sacred and permanent. I can't be unfaithful to V.
So, what's left?
This is it. I have to do it. She doesn't know what I need and I'm too afraid to tell her, so I'll have to be patient and understanding. I have come to the following resolutions:
1) I WON'T GO TO BED AT NIGHT UNLESS I HAVE PERFORMED AT LEAST ONE ACT OF SERVICE TO MY WIFE
2) I WILL CONTINUE TO LOOK FOR SUBTLE WAYS TO EMPOWER HER, ENCOURAGING HER DOMINANT BEHAVIOR BUT NEVER COMPLAINING ABOUT HER VANILLA BEHAVIOR
3) I WILL ACCEPT MY WIFE'S WISHES AND PREFERENCES WITHOUT TRYING TO FORCE ANY UNWANTED CHANGE IN HER
4) I WILL BE PATIENT IN UNDERSTANDING THAT IF SHE DOES NOT ACCEPT MY SUBMISSION, IT IS MY OWN FAULT FOR NOT HAVING REALLY OFFERED AND NOT A PERSONAL REJECTION.
5) I WILL LOOK FOR WAYS TO INTRODUCE THE CONCEPTS OF FLR IN SAFE, NON-THREATENING WAYS.
6) MY WIFE AND HER NEEDS WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST, WAY BEFORE MY NEEDS FOR DOMINATION.
All of the above will be my work for the future.
I started immediately by cleaning our room before going to bed last night. She noticed that I tidied up a little and mentioned it.
Later today, or tomorrow, I will continue with what happened at night and at morning, and also with whatever act of service I perform tonight. There's much to do and she's going out, so perhaps I'll be able to do quite a bit.
We'll see...
Later.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Poor Behavior
I have not been acting very submissive as of late.
I keep wishing that V's dominance would grow, but the truth is that I am not doing much to actually turn the dream into reality. Lately I have been lazy and not very attentive.
My laziness has not been limited to my service to V, but to many other areas of my behavior. I have not completed several things I was suppossed to do around the house, and my performance at work is suffering as well. If I were to describe it, I'd say I have a severe case of "the Mondays", except that it's not Monday, and it happens evey day.
She has done a little bit in the arena of telling me to do things, like last Saturday, when she gave me a list of things to do. I felt a tingle when I saw the list and I completed every single activity. That night she thanked me, kissed me good night and I felt the satisfaction of having done my part in pleasing her. However that day was the exception rather than the rule. I've not been very helpful as of late and I think the progress I had achieved has been lost, at least in part.
I will try to get into gear again, because I still feel submissive, but I'm submissive and lazy right now, which is not a good combination in stealth submission.
I tremble in fear when thinking that perhaps the reason I feel so lazy is because I'm having too many orgasms. My wife has become a little more interested in sex as of late, something that may have ben caused by me helping her more around the house, and although it had been a desire of mine for years, having more sex may be effecting a change in my submissive feelings.
One of the common threads I've found in the literature available is that men are less submissive and less attentive right after they are sexually satisfied, so I think I may not be too far from reality on my thinking.
I had sex with V this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before. Although we have always been sexually active, it's unusual to have sex consecutively, especially at a time when she is very busy in her personal life. As a matter of fact, V wanted to have sex last nigth, but arrived too tired and asked me to wake her up in the morning.
Her mentrual cycle is approaching and she will have to deny me for a few days. We'll see if I become less lazy when not being released.
For now, I'm thinking of ways to be asked do be of more service. She is definitely asking for more chores, like today when she left and asked me to cook and feed the kids, which I happily did, however, the dishes are dirty and the living room is a mess and I feel "too tired" to do anything. I better shape up or my relationship is going to go down the drain to the place it was before when V could not trust me to remember any promise (much less keep it) or be of any help. We are not there yet, but sliding down is much easier than climbing up, so I better watch it...
Now I need to go back and see that they are getting ready for bed.
I keep wishing that V's dominance would grow, but the truth is that I am not doing much to actually turn the dream into reality. Lately I have been lazy and not very attentive.
My laziness has not been limited to my service to V, but to many other areas of my behavior. I have not completed several things I was suppossed to do around the house, and my performance at work is suffering as well. If I were to describe it, I'd say I have a severe case of "the Mondays", except that it's not Monday, and it happens evey day.
She has done a little bit in the arena of telling me to do things, like last Saturday, when she gave me a list of things to do. I felt a tingle when I saw the list and I completed every single activity. That night she thanked me, kissed me good night and I felt the satisfaction of having done my part in pleasing her. However that day was the exception rather than the rule. I've not been very helpful as of late and I think the progress I had achieved has been lost, at least in part.
I will try to get into gear again, because I still feel submissive, but I'm submissive and lazy right now, which is not a good combination in stealth submission.
I tremble in fear when thinking that perhaps the reason I feel so lazy is because I'm having too many orgasms. My wife has become a little more interested in sex as of late, something that may have ben caused by me helping her more around the house, and although it had been a desire of mine for years, having more sex may be effecting a change in my submissive feelings.
One of the common threads I've found in the literature available is that men are less submissive and less attentive right after they are sexually satisfied, so I think I may not be too far from reality on my thinking.
I had sex with V this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before. Although we have always been sexually active, it's unusual to have sex consecutively, especially at a time when she is very busy in her personal life. As a matter of fact, V wanted to have sex last nigth, but arrived too tired and asked me to wake her up in the morning.
Her mentrual cycle is approaching and she will have to deny me for a few days. We'll see if I become less lazy when not being released.
For now, I'm thinking of ways to be asked do be of more service. She is definitely asking for more chores, like today when she left and asked me to cook and feed the kids, which I happily did, however, the dishes are dirty and the living room is a mess and I feel "too tired" to do anything. I better shape up or my relationship is going to go down the drain to the place it was before when V could not trust me to remember any promise (much less keep it) or be of any help. We are not there yet, but sliding down is much easier than climbing up, so I better watch it...
Now I need to go back and see that they are getting ready for bed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)