In one recent comment, I pondered about a couple points. One of them was the question of whether Mistress V has to BECOME the dominant partner of our relationship or she just has to DISCOVER that she is in fact such a partner already. This distinction has to do, of course with a deeper philosophical question: How dominant does a person has to be to be THE dominant partner in a relationship?
Being that I have submissive feelings for V, she is already in control of much in our relationship. Where exactly does she start being dominant? I have been thinking about that issue recently and think that if we think in relative terms, she is already the dominant, because she has more control over our relationship than I do, but in absolute terms, the distribution of power in our partnership is less clear.
Thinking about that, and reading comments and postings on other blogs and sites, I've come to realize that what I have before me is not so much an issue of my wife BECOMING my dominant, but more an issue of her DISCOVERING the fact that she already is. This was a welcomed realization for me, because it means that I don't have to attempt to change a person who is already the most lovely woman I've ever met, but just help her realize the way things already are.
One things that has impacted my ability to achieve this in the past is that I frequently become too "needy" and probably express myself in submissive ways that she finds unattractive. Acting "needy" includes requesting her to do dominant things to me, and acting more submissive than she finds comfortable with. I've "discovered" (between quotations, because it's not my original concept, but one I learned applied to our case) that I get more "needy" when I am not constant in my submission to her. When I get tired of submitting, or frustrated because my efforts don't seem to provide benefit, I stop being submissive and at those points, my needs are not being satisfied (because of my own failure to stay on the route that satisfies them). When I am constant in my submissiveness, ironically, I act less submissive, which I guess Mistress V finds more alluring. The truth is that we say we want to have a Queen besides us, but many Queens don't particularly want the company of groveling slaves.
Seeing that it is easier to maintain an appropriate demeanor when I'm more constant in my service to Mistress, and that she only has to discover the position she occupies in our relationship, has made the task of communicating my feelings for her easier.
No, don't hold your breath yet. I didn't come out and told her straight.
But I did have a conversation with her.
She was extremely busy with something I can't help her with (preparing for a test) and I asked her if I could help. She said that I couldn't but thanks. I asked her if I could help her with something else, so she could do what she had to do and she said yes. I could help her by having sex with her. She said that I should "be clean" because she anted to give me oral sex.
Now, that is very unusual. I have been married for many years and this almost never happened before, not even during our honeymoon. Yes, she has given me oral sex many times, but this time she said she wanted to and asked me to clean myself.
Of course I said yes, and we had sex for as long as she wanted. She told me that I was very sweet by continuing to pleasure her even after I had already "finished" (her word) and I told her that I wanted to make sure she "finished" as well. She said "Oh, I did." and I asked her if she finished before or after me, (she is mild mannered and sometimes i can't detect it) and she smiled and said "Before and after".
The next day I was working on the computer and she came all over me, kissing me and rubbing herself against me. She touched the beginning of my erection and said "Oh, you are not teased enough" (Again, her words. I almost couldn't believe it) so she kissed me some more and played with my penis until it became hard.
"Now I'm teased" I said.
"Good," she said, moving away. "Now I can leave. I'll leave you like that because I'm evil"
She had to go out to take a class. I knew it, and she knew I knew it, but still took her time to tease me. I was so happy I could barely contain myself, but I did. I had to take advantage of the opportunity to express my feelings, though. I just had to remain cool and not too "needy"
"I love it when you tease me," I said with a smile. "Feel free to tease me any time you want."
She did not answer.
"You know you have power to do anything you want with me?" I asked.
"Yes," she said (wow!) "Women have power over men, but that's because women are evil... poor men."
"No, not any woman. I only want YOU have power over me."
At this point she was moving my head around as if I was a marionette. "So you want to be subject to it?"
"Of course," I said. "It's sexy."
She was not repulsed. She actually kissed me and left me there "properly teased"
I was amazed at how much had happened in the span of a few minutes. I had to go out also, to do some errand for her and to do something I needed to do as well, so I did not spend much time thinking of this, but she had given me much to think about.
"Wake me up in the morning," she said (this means "let's make love before you go" in her language) "I'll be too tired tonight."
I said I would, but when she came back she asked me to make love to her right then and there but be quick about it because she had to study. I made sure to do my best to comply.
"Do you still want me to wake you up in the morning?" I asked in the cuddling time afterwards.
"No," she said. "I'll be to tired then."
Nothing else has happened since, because I went to work, she went to work and I just came back. One thing seems sure, though. I feel much better than the last time I wrote here.
If this is a voyage of discovery rather than a transformational venture, I think success will not only be attainable, but it will happen much sooner than it would otherwise be.
Now, let me stop this thing, which is becoming too long already, and let me go find how Mistress V wants to be served today...
Showing posts with label Caring Dominance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Caring Dominance. Show all posts
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
On self spanking...
As I said on a previous post, I have desires for physical punishment. Contrary to my desires for submission, that I try to gradually open up to my Mistress, my desires for punishment are much more delicate, since I think that Mistress is not going to see that with good eyes. Over the years, I have tried to punish myself in different ways, but the punishment never reached a satisfying end. This all changed this year.
I was searching the Internet for information on self-punishing and my search result pointed to a blog where someone mentioned pre-recorded instructions for self punishment. Sadly, when I clicked on the link, the blog had been taken offline and that particular post was not in the cached version, so I only had the tittle and nothing else.
I gave the issue some thought. How would it be if I could write a script for a punishment session and then play it back on my MP3 player as I followed the instructions? At first, I thought it would not work, but one day, while on a work related trip away from Mistress V, I decided to try it.
My reasons for suddenly wanting to try a recording are complex, but in their most simplistic expression they can be reduced to this:
1) I was horny as hell because I was away from Mistress.
2) I did not want to be "unfaithful" to mistress by masturbating (as a submissive, it gives me great pain to be so weak as to not be able to control myself for her)
3) I was about to fail her as I started to play with myself in my hotel room.
4) I felt that only a punishment would take my mind away from "consummating" my failure.
5) I had tried many different ways of self-punishment and they always ended in masturbation anyway...
So, armed with a deep desire for punishment and a deep horniness, I grabbed a paper and began to write a script. The script had instructions for me to follow, things for me to repeat and counts for the number of strokes I was to give myself. After writing what I considered was a lengthy "scene" I laid down and recorded everything on my MP3 player.
I tried the scene out and for the first time in my whole life I was able to punish myself to the point where I would feel it the next day. The session, it turned out was not long at all, so the next day, even though my buttocks were still sore, I wrote a new, shorter script that did not have an end (to be played continuously) and another one with the ending. At the end of the first track I ask a few questions about my submissive desires and about wanting to remain chaste to Mistress V. If I can honestly answer them to the positive, I press next and go to the last track, where I plant suggestions about how to be a better husband and a better submissive. If I am not "ready", meaning I still want to masturbate or watch porn or something, I have to let the player repeat the track one more time.
The first time I used the three-track version (the original plays first, because it has an introduction of sorts) I used the second track two or three times and by the end of it, I was shaking with pleasure, my ass was red and hot and I had absolutely no desire to play with myself any longer. For the rest of my trip (it was relatively long) I did not masturbate once, and ever since I came back I have only done it twice, which is a great deal, considering that once upon a time I was doing it every day and some days more than once.
My feelings of submissiveness for Mistress V increased during that time and I was so sure I would come home to be a better husband, but of course, even the best laid plans cannot survive an encounter with reality. When I am home, and can't punish myself to my deepest satisfaction, I end up getting moody and lazy. I believe I need the control I crave. I think that when Mistress V becomes the caring Dominant of my dreams, I will not have need to try to balance my own life with substitutes, but for now, I believe that I have found in self punishment an alternative to avoid the feelings of guilt associated with masturbation while at the same time preserving all my sexual energy to please my Mistress, which is after all, my ultimate goal as a submissive.
Today, I feel like I should get some punishment, but everyone is home, so it's not going to happen. Additionally, Mistress already told me that if I want her I should "take her" before she becomes too tired. Choosing between taking her and taking a punishment, of course I choose her.
See you later...
I was searching the Internet for information on self-punishing and my search result pointed to a blog where someone mentioned pre-recorded instructions for self punishment. Sadly, when I clicked on the link, the blog had been taken offline and that particular post was not in the cached version, so I only had the tittle and nothing else.
I gave the issue some thought. How would it be if I could write a script for a punishment session and then play it back on my MP3 player as I followed the instructions? At first, I thought it would not work, but one day, while on a work related trip away from Mistress V, I decided to try it.
My reasons for suddenly wanting to try a recording are complex, but in their most simplistic expression they can be reduced to this:
1) I was horny as hell because I was away from Mistress.
2) I did not want to be "unfaithful" to mistress by masturbating (as a submissive, it gives me great pain to be so weak as to not be able to control myself for her)
3) I was about to fail her as I started to play with myself in my hotel room.
4) I felt that only a punishment would take my mind away from "consummating" my failure.
5) I had tried many different ways of self-punishment and they always ended in masturbation anyway...
So, armed with a deep desire for punishment and a deep horniness, I grabbed a paper and began to write a script. The script had instructions for me to follow, things for me to repeat and counts for the number of strokes I was to give myself. After writing what I considered was a lengthy "scene" I laid down and recorded everything on my MP3 player.
I tried the scene out and for the first time in my whole life I was able to punish myself to the point where I would feel it the next day. The session, it turned out was not long at all, so the next day, even though my buttocks were still sore, I wrote a new, shorter script that did not have an end (to be played continuously) and another one with the ending. At the end of the first track I ask a few questions about my submissive desires and about wanting to remain chaste to Mistress V. If I can honestly answer them to the positive, I press next and go to the last track, where I plant suggestions about how to be a better husband and a better submissive. If I am not "ready", meaning I still want to masturbate or watch porn or something, I have to let the player repeat the track one more time.
The first time I used the three-track version (the original plays first, because it has an introduction of sorts) I used the second track two or three times and by the end of it, I was shaking with pleasure, my ass was red and hot and I had absolutely no desire to play with myself any longer. For the rest of my trip (it was relatively long) I did not masturbate once, and ever since I came back I have only done it twice, which is a great deal, considering that once upon a time I was doing it every day and some days more than once.
My feelings of submissiveness for Mistress V increased during that time and I was so sure I would come home to be a better husband, but of course, even the best laid plans cannot survive an encounter with reality. When I am home, and can't punish myself to my deepest satisfaction, I end up getting moody and lazy. I believe I need the control I crave. I think that when Mistress V becomes the caring Dominant of my dreams, I will not have need to try to balance my own life with substitutes, but for now, I believe that I have found in self punishment an alternative to avoid the feelings of guilt associated with masturbation while at the same time preserving all my sexual energy to please my Mistress, which is after all, my ultimate goal as a submissive.
Today, I feel like I should get some punishment, but everyone is home, so it's not going to happen. Additionally, Mistress already told me that if I want her I should "take her" before she becomes too tired. Choosing between taking her and taking a punishment, of course I choose her.
See you later...
Mistress V is too tired...
I was not a good submissive today.
When I arrived home from work, Mistress was cleaning the bathroom. I asked her what else she had to do, with all the intention of helping her, but I was so tired (excuse...) I did not help her and that cost me, because Mistress was way too tired to have intercourse with me.
I am upset, not at her, like I would have been a few months ago, but at myself for being so lazy. I really need to focus more on having adequate sleep so I can have energy to help her in her tasks. If I don't serve willingly, I can't expect to turn her dominance on.
So, I can say that today was a failed day.
I feel that my behavior deserves punishment. Yes, since Mistress V does not punish me, sometimes I self-punish. I discovered that doing it myself was not fully satisfying until I discovered, quite by accident a method that actually leaves me shaking, trembling and almost crying (making myself cry would be a sign of success for me, since I consider it almost impossible) . I will leave the details of my self-punishing method for a separate post, but today I can't really do anything, because there is no privacy in my house. Mistress V. is asleep in our bed and there are kids all over the house.
One reason I am not updet at Mistress V is that I am finally beginning to understand that it is totally my fault that she is not "in the mood", so I should take the consequence like a man. There is another reason, though. If I claim to be a submissive, and proclaim my willingness to have Mistress V control every aspect of my life, inclusing my sex life, I have to get used to the idea of not having sex any time I want, but every time SHE wants.
This realization may still be worth the day.
See you,
V's boy.
When I arrived home from work, Mistress was cleaning the bathroom. I asked her what else she had to do, with all the intention of helping her, but I was so tired (excuse...) I did not help her and that cost me, because Mistress was way too tired to have intercourse with me.
I am upset, not at her, like I would have been a few months ago, but at myself for being so lazy. I really need to focus more on having adequate sleep so I can have energy to help her in her tasks. If I don't serve willingly, I can't expect to turn her dominance on.
So, I can say that today was a failed day.
I feel that my behavior deserves punishment. Yes, since Mistress V does not punish me, sometimes I self-punish. I discovered that doing it myself was not fully satisfying until I discovered, quite by accident a method that actually leaves me shaking, trembling and almost crying (making myself cry would be a sign of success for me, since I consider it almost impossible) . I will leave the details of my self-punishing method for a separate post, but today I can't really do anything, because there is no privacy in my house. Mistress V. is asleep in our bed and there are kids all over the house.
One reason I am not updet at Mistress V is that I am finally beginning to understand that it is totally my fault that she is not "in the mood", so I should take the consequence like a man. There is another reason, though. If I claim to be a submissive, and proclaim my willingness to have Mistress V control every aspect of my life, inclusing my sex life, I have to get used to the idea of not having sex any time I want, but every time SHE wants.
This realization may still be worth the day.
See you,
V's boy.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Back in the fray
I had computer problems and could not log in to my email account and they cancelled, which caused that I could not log in to my blogger account, so I basically had to rebuild the blog from scratch. Luckily I had not posted too many things, so it was not that hard. The only problem I see is that there were two people who had commented on the page and now they are lost to me.
Maybe I will try to comment on the old page and point people to the new page.
Anyway, I am going to try to answer two questions in this post:
1) Why am I back?
2) What has been going on for the past couple of months?
Okay, here we go.
First, I am back because even though my relationship with Mistress V has not evolved in the recent times, I feel like we get along better, and we don't argue as much. I feel like I would still like to steer this marriage towards her becoming my caring dominant. I also feel that whiole I was blogging, I had more motivation and energy to do whatever would please V and that would make me not only a better submissive, but also a better man.
Second, the short answer is "not much". Our relationship continues to be vanilla, although Mistress V seems a little more comfortable asking for sex than before. I still have to initiate most sexual encounters, though. During the last couple of months I have made great efforts to remain chaste for Mistress V, and have failed her only twice. Today I almost failed her, but I decided to be a man and "hold it in"or her. I am hoping that we will have sex tonight and don't want to ruin it by masturbating.
Another thing that has changed a little is that she is becoming a little more 'rough' in sex. She has been biting more, scratching more and squeezing my nipples. The biting my chest is leaving marks as is the scratching on the back, but the nipple thing is very soft, not enough for me, but I am not about to tel her that yet. Sometimes the back scratching is so hard it makes me shudder in pleasure, but it has not happenned too often. The last time we had sex she sucked on my nipple and it felt so good, I moaned. she did more of it and I was having an orgasm in no time.
Tomorrow is our wedding aniversary and in good old-fashioned husbandly manner, I forgot to get her something. I wish I had remembered before so I could buy some stuff to give her a pedicure. I adore her feet. I don't know what I will do tomorrow, but almost for sure I will bring her flowers and if she's not too tired I will take her to watch a movie.
I have to go now, but I hope I will be able to post something soon.
See you...
V's Boy
Maybe I will try to comment on the old page and point people to the new page.
Anyway, I am going to try to answer two questions in this post:
1) Why am I back?
2) What has been going on for the past couple of months?
Okay, here we go.
First, I am back because even though my relationship with Mistress V has not evolved in the recent times, I feel like we get along better, and we don't argue as much. I feel like I would still like to steer this marriage towards her becoming my caring dominant. I also feel that whiole I was blogging, I had more motivation and energy to do whatever would please V and that would make me not only a better submissive, but also a better man.
Second, the short answer is "not much". Our relationship continues to be vanilla, although Mistress V seems a little more comfortable asking for sex than before. I still have to initiate most sexual encounters, though. During the last couple of months I have made great efforts to remain chaste for Mistress V, and have failed her only twice. Today I almost failed her, but I decided to be a man and "hold it in"or her. I am hoping that we will have sex tonight and don't want to ruin it by masturbating.
Another thing that has changed a little is that she is becoming a little more 'rough' in sex. She has been biting more, scratching more and squeezing my nipples. The biting my chest is leaving marks as is the scratching on the back, but the nipple thing is very soft, not enough for me, but I am not about to tel her that yet. Sometimes the back scratching is so hard it makes me shudder in pleasure, but it has not happenned too often. The last time we had sex she sucked on my nipple and it felt so good, I moaned. she did more of it and I was having an orgasm in no time.
Tomorrow is our wedding aniversary and in good old-fashioned husbandly manner, I forgot to get her something. I wish I had remembered before so I could buy some stuff to give her a pedicure. I adore her feet. I don't know what I will do tomorrow, but almost for sure I will bring her flowers and if she's not too tired I will take her to watch a movie.
I have to go now, but I hope I will be able to post something soon.
See you...
V's Boy
Saturday of Servitude
NOTE: First posted June 28, 2009
Saturday was my day off, so I had more time in my hands and decided to step up a notch in my attempts to seduce Mistress V's dominance through my submissiveness. She was having her period, so I knew that she would not assume that I being nice because I "was trying to score".
Early in the morning, I went upstairs and fixed her a breakfast, which I brought beck and served to her in bed. During the day I did some shopping for her and went to pick up something that a friend wanted to give her. On my way back I brought her flowers. I did the dishes as well. It felt good to do these things for her.
There are two items of note, While she was on the table working on her laptop, I stood behind her and intended to give her a backrub, but she bend her head sideways and pointed to her neck. That is her signal for me to bite her right there (softly) which I immediately did. She moaned with pleasure and I told her that I loved when she let me know she was enjoying herself (she is very quiet during sex). I asked her if she wanted anything else and she pointed to the other side of her neck, so I proceeded to do the same. When I finished, I asked her again and she said "Your services are no longer required". I smiled and said, "thank you, my queen".
Later that night, when she was laying on bed (still working on her laptop) I sat by her feet and began to give her a foot massage. I wasnted so bad to lick and kiss her feet, but I retrained myself, because that may scare Mistress V, so I only gave her a massage and kissed her feet twice. While I was doing it, I asked V if I was bothering her and she said no.
After I was finished, I covered her feet with the blanket and stood up to go around to my side of the bed.
"Thank you," I said to her.
"No," she said with a smile. "Thank you."
"No, it was my pleasure," I insisted. "I get pleasure from pleasing you, do you believe it?"
"I guess I do," she said.
Then I pointed to my underpants, where my erection was bulging and she could clearly see that they were wet with my precum.
"Believe me," I insisted. "I get pleasure from giving you pleasure."
All in all I think it was a good day. It could have been better, but it was good.
This morning, I gave her breakfast in bed again, and was set up for another day of servitude, but I acted up in my weakness and stimulated myself to orgasm in the bathroom. I wish I was not so weak and could keep myself chaste for Mistress V.
A new Journey begins... Where to?
Note: This post was originally made in June 25, 2009
I guess this is my 'hello world' post, so allow me to introduce myself.
I am V's boy, a name that implies that I want to enter into a female-led relationship with my wife, who I will refer to as 'V' or 'Mistress V'. I live in a California suburb, have a good paying job with lots of authority, and in general show myself to the world as a leader.
In my private life, however, I've been holding a secret. I have strong feelings of submissiveness to a loving female authority. I have been reading books on the matter and searching the Internet for information, but most results turn out to be pornography, something that I find objectionable due to moral principle.
For the longest time I have lived with feelings of inadequacy, feeling that my submissive feelings were 'unmanly', immoral or deviant. It was not until early this year when I discovered Caring Domination from (website to follow) and learned that my feelings are not as exceptional as I thought. I also learned that my kinks have a cause, that my submission to a caring dominant could help me become a better person.
It was an incredibly liberating discovery.
The mere fact that I could aspire to have a loving female authority guide me and still be the man that I figure myself to be, gave me great joy.
I later learned more about the concepts I was interested about from a couple of websites, particularly Around her Finger (Website to follow).
At this point, I am not practicing the principles I have learned. The dream of submitting to my wife and enter into a wife-led marriage is being counterbalanced by fear.
I fear rejection from a very traditional wife, not only of the principles, but personal rejection as well. I don't think my wife would accept the concept if it was presented to her in the cold, so for a couple months now, I have been practicing "hidden submission".
Hidden submission is not fully satisfying for me because I crave for her authority and that requires her acknowledgment of the fact that she has power over me. I crave her control and her guidance, but that is not as forthcoming as I would like to see it. She has noticed that a couple of things have changed around here, such as we have not have an argument for a long time, I have not been whining for sex (something I apparently used to do all the time, even involuntarily) and I have been helping a little more around the house.
I have not taken a more active submissive role, even though I want to, mainly because I get discouraged easily by the lack of guidance, so this creates a vicious cycle, where I want to do things, but feel discouraged by lack of guidance, but since I am probably doing a little more than I used to do before, my wife doesn't feel that she needs to guide me, so she doesn't. My lack of enthusiasm then causes her to lack it as well.
I have made the decision to create this journal for several reasons:
I have seen many journals like this one and have seen how peer support can motivate one to keep going when the "road gets tough". I hope that the community will discover this journal and comment on it.
Make my thoughts clear. Sometimes I am not sure how to describe my feelings and putting them in writing could help me figure them out. Sometimes I don't even know if I am truly submissive or just going through a phase. I hope that this journal will help me figure that out.
To keep a record of my progress and have a realistic view of the status of my relationship. I think that writing overtime can help me "see the forest" while walking among "the trees". I think it would be interesting to look at this later, if I keep it going and see how the story unfolded.
One day, I wish to make V aware of the full extent of my feelings for her. That day, when I fearlessly submit all my being to her leadership, I hope I will dare to let her read these things. Let's say this could become my confession journal.
I think that I have written enough for an introduction. If you happen to stumble upon this journal by accident, feel free to leave comments and suggestions.
At this point, as the tittle of this post suggest, I don't know the destination of this journey, but I hope I can figure it out along the way.
V's boy
I guess this is my 'hello world' post, so allow me to introduce myself.
I am V's boy, a name that implies that I want to enter into a female-led relationship with my wife, who I will refer to as 'V' or 'Mistress V'. I live in a California suburb, have a good paying job with lots of authority, and in general show myself to the world as a leader.
In my private life, however, I've been holding a secret. I have strong feelings of submissiveness to a loving female authority. I have been reading books on the matter and searching the Internet for information, but most results turn out to be pornography, something that I find objectionable due to moral principle.
For the longest time I have lived with feelings of inadequacy, feeling that my submissive feelings were 'unmanly', immoral or deviant. It was not until early this year when I discovered Caring Domination from (website to follow) and learned that my feelings are not as exceptional as I thought. I also learned that my kinks have a cause, that my submission to a caring dominant could help me become a better person.
It was an incredibly liberating discovery.
The mere fact that I could aspire to have a loving female authority guide me and still be the man that I figure myself to be, gave me great joy.
I later learned more about the concepts I was interested about from a couple of websites, particularly Around her Finger (Website to follow).
At this point, I am not practicing the principles I have learned. The dream of submitting to my wife and enter into a wife-led marriage is being counterbalanced by fear.
I fear rejection from a very traditional wife, not only of the principles, but personal rejection as well. I don't think my wife would accept the concept if it was presented to her in the cold, so for a couple months now, I have been practicing "hidden submission".
Hidden submission is not fully satisfying for me because I crave for her authority and that requires her acknowledgment of the fact that she has power over me. I crave her control and her guidance, but that is not as forthcoming as I would like to see it. She has noticed that a couple of things have changed around here, such as we have not have an argument for a long time, I have not been whining for sex (something I apparently used to do all the time, even involuntarily) and I have been helping a little more around the house.
I have not taken a more active submissive role, even though I want to, mainly because I get discouraged easily by the lack of guidance, so this creates a vicious cycle, where I want to do things, but feel discouraged by lack of guidance, but since I am probably doing a little more than I used to do before, my wife doesn't feel that she needs to guide me, so she doesn't. My lack of enthusiasm then causes her to lack it as well.
I have made the decision to create this journal for several reasons:
I have seen many journals like this one and have seen how peer support can motivate one to keep going when the "road gets tough". I hope that the community will discover this journal and comment on it.
Make my thoughts clear. Sometimes I am not sure how to describe my feelings and putting them in writing could help me figure them out. Sometimes I don't even know if I am truly submissive or just going through a phase. I hope that this journal will help me figure that out.
To keep a record of my progress and have a realistic view of the status of my relationship. I think that writing overtime can help me "see the forest" while walking among "the trees". I think it would be interesting to look at this later, if I keep it going and see how the story unfolded.
One day, I wish to make V aware of the full extent of my feelings for her. That day, when I fearlessly submit all my being to her leadership, I hope I will dare to let her read these things. Let's say this could become my confession journal.
I think that I have written enough for an introduction. If you happen to stumble upon this journal by accident, feel free to leave comments and suggestions.
At this point, as the tittle of this post suggest, I don't know the destination of this journey, but I hope I can figure it out along the way.
V's boy
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