Wednesday afternoon my wife and I made up a few times in the kitchen. When later we went to bed, she told me she was tired and wanted to sleep so I "was not getting any". I smiled and told her that of course we could sleep.
Thursday morning, I woke up with an erection and wanting my wife very much. I started kissing her and caressing her legs and she toyed with my hard penis a little. She told me we could not do anything because it was late and we needed to leave. I started to get up when she grabbed me and asked me "who said you could leave?" I smiled and laid there with her some more, until she let go of me and told me to go to work.
I went to the bathroom, shaved and brushed my teeth and my erection didn't go away, so when I walked into the room I pointed at it and told V that I would be thinking about her during the day. She teased me saying "Good, but don't break anything"
I had a good day, thought about her and sent her an email from work telling her so.
When I came home, she was getting ready to leave and I was to stay with the kids. She didn't ask me to do anything, but said "Oh my god, this house is disgusting!" and then she added "It never ends! The laundry! The dishes!" I made a mental note of her subliminal message (you see? even ol' me can learn)
As soon as she left I went to work, to follow my new resolutions and did some work around the house. I did not do all by myself, but assigned some tasks to the kids. I selfishly kept the laundry and the dishes for myself, though since I know those were the ones my wife mentioned.
When she arrived, she commented that the house looked better and thanked me, but she had stuff to do, even though it was late. I'm glad my work ends at the end of my work day and I don't have to bring "homework"
She kissed me and went straight to sleep. It felt really good to be helping her around the house again. I was not sleepy so I read a book I got called "Uniquely Rika" that showed me an interesting perspective on D/s relationships. I won't comment about it now, because it probably deserves another post, but it was interesting.
I was up early this morning, way before the alarm and ready with another erection, but this time, motivated by what I read in Mistress Rika's book, I took the initiative and grabbed my wife. She responded by setting herself sideways, so we could spoon. Whenever she does this is an invitation for sex, but she wants to be passive and wants me to give it to her from behind.
I did it, but I know that she usually doesn't get orgasms that way, so after a while I turned her over and made love on top of her. I asked her if she was done before I came and she said "Oh, yes!"
Today, I took her out to dinner and bough her a watch she needed. While we checked the watches I saw her inspecting a necklace and when she put it back on the rack I asked her if she liked it and she said, "I love it, but may be some other time." I grabbed it and gave it to her. "You deserve it." I said. She took it and was very happy about it.
I'm feeling way better about myself and about my resolutions. I have to share more about what I sent her on an email (that she has not responded yet to) and about Mistress Rika's book.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Quest Renewed
After the comments left by At All Times in my latest post and reading the blog A Wonderful Journey, I have thought hard about my desires to submit.
Do I really want to submit to V?
Am I willing to do whatever she needs me to do to make her happy, satisfy her needs and encourage her dominance, in that order?
Why do I become lazy and unenthusiastic sometimes?
After much thought, I have decided that I can't give up my quest. I have lived with the need to submit for many years, even though I only identified what my "problem" was until a few years ago, and can't afford to continue living life unfulfilled. If I'm unfulfilled and frustrated I won't be able to make my wife as happy as she deserves to be. If I search for release of my need to submit on other women, even imaginary ones, I would be unfaithful to the one who gives me her everything. I can't do that. My relationship is sacred and permanent. I can't be unfaithful to V.
So, what's left?
This is it. I have to do it. She doesn't know what I need and I'm too afraid to tell her, so I'll have to be patient and understanding. I have come to the following resolutions:
1) I WON'T GO TO BED AT NIGHT UNLESS I HAVE PERFORMED AT LEAST ONE ACT OF SERVICE TO MY WIFE
2) I WILL CONTINUE TO LOOK FOR SUBTLE WAYS TO EMPOWER HER, ENCOURAGING HER DOMINANT BEHAVIOR BUT NEVER COMPLAINING ABOUT HER VANILLA BEHAVIOR
3) I WILL ACCEPT MY WIFE'S WISHES AND PREFERENCES WITHOUT TRYING TO FORCE ANY UNWANTED CHANGE IN HER
4) I WILL BE PATIENT IN UNDERSTANDING THAT IF SHE DOES NOT ACCEPT MY SUBMISSION, IT IS MY OWN FAULT FOR NOT HAVING REALLY OFFERED AND NOT A PERSONAL REJECTION.
5) I WILL LOOK FOR WAYS TO INTRODUCE THE CONCEPTS OF FLR IN SAFE, NON-THREATENING WAYS.
6) MY WIFE AND HER NEEDS WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST, WAY BEFORE MY NEEDS FOR DOMINATION.
All of the above will be my work for the future.
I started immediately by cleaning our room before going to bed last night. She noticed that I tidied up a little and mentioned it.
Later today, or tomorrow, I will continue with what happened at night and at morning, and also with whatever act of service I perform tonight. There's much to do and she's going out, so perhaps I'll be able to do quite a bit.
We'll see...
Later.
Do I really want to submit to V?
Am I willing to do whatever she needs me to do to make her happy, satisfy her needs and encourage her dominance, in that order?
Why do I become lazy and unenthusiastic sometimes?
After much thought, I have decided that I can't give up my quest. I have lived with the need to submit for many years, even though I only identified what my "problem" was until a few years ago, and can't afford to continue living life unfulfilled. If I'm unfulfilled and frustrated I won't be able to make my wife as happy as she deserves to be. If I search for release of my need to submit on other women, even imaginary ones, I would be unfaithful to the one who gives me her everything. I can't do that. My relationship is sacred and permanent. I can't be unfaithful to V.
So, what's left?
This is it. I have to do it. She doesn't know what I need and I'm too afraid to tell her, so I'll have to be patient and understanding. I have come to the following resolutions:
1) I WON'T GO TO BED AT NIGHT UNLESS I HAVE PERFORMED AT LEAST ONE ACT OF SERVICE TO MY WIFE
2) I WILL CONTINUE TO LOOK FOR SUBTLE WAYS TO EMPOWER HER, ENCOURAGING HER DOMINANT BEHAVIOR BUT NEVER COMPLAINING ABOUT HER VANILLA BEHAVIOR
3) I WILL ACCEPT MY WIFE'S WISHES AND PREFERENCES WITHOUT TRYING TO FORCE ANY UNWANTED CHANGE IN HER
4) I WILL BE PATIENT IN UNDERSTANDING THAT IF SHE DOES NOT ACCEPT MY SUBMISSION, IT IS MY OWN FAULT FOR NOT HAVING REALLY OFFERED AND NOT A PERSONAL REJECTION.
5) I WILL LOOK FOR WAYS TO INTRODUCE THE CONCEPTS OF FLR IN SAFE, NON-THREATENING WAYS.
6) MY WIFE AND HER NEEDS WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST, WAY BEFORE MY NEEDS FOR DOMINATION.
All of the above will be my work for the future.
I started immediately by cleaning our room before going to bed last night. She noticed that I tidied up a little and mentioned it.
Later today, or tomorrow, I will continue with what happened at night and at morning, and also with whatever act of service I perform tonight. There's much to do and she's going out, so perhaps I'll be able to do quite a bit.
We'll see...
Later.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Poor Behavior
I have not been acting very submissive as of late.
I keep wishing that V's dominance would grow, but the truth is that I am not doing much to actually turn the dream into reality. Lately I have been lazy and not very attentive.
My laziness has not been limited to my service to V, but to many other areas of my behavior. I have not completed several things I was suppossed to do around the house, and my performance at work is suffering as well. If I were to describe it, I'd say I have a severe case of "the Mondays", except that it's not Monday, and it happens evey day.
She has done a little bit in the arena of telling me to do things, like last Saturday, when she gave me a list of things to do. I felt a tingle when I saw the list and I completed every single activity. That night she thanked me, kissed me good night and I felt the satisfaction of having done my part in pleasing her. However that day was the exception rather than the rule. I've not been very helpful as of late and I think the progress I had achieved has been lost, at least in part.
I will try to get into gear again, because I still feel submissive, but I'm submissive and lazy right now, which is not a good combination in stealth submission.
I tremble in fear when thinking that perhaps the reason I feel so lazy is because I'm having too many orgasms. My wife has become a little more interested in sex as of late, something that may have ben caused by me helping her more around the house, and although it had been a desire of mine for years, having more sex may be effecting a change in my submissive feelings.
One of the common threads I've found in the literature available is that men are less submissive and less attentive right after they are sexually satisfied, so I think I may not be too far from reality on my thinking.
I had sex with V this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before. Although we have always been sexually active, it's unusual to have sex consecutively, especially at a time when she is very busy in her personal life. As a matter of fact, V wanted to have sex last nigth, but arrived too tired and asked me to wake her up in the morning.
Her mentrual cycle is approaching and she will have to deny me for a few days. We'll see if I become less lazy when not being released.
For now, I'm thinking of ways to be asked do be of more service. She is definitely asking for more chores, like today when she left and asked me to cook and feed the kids, which I happily did, however, the dishes are dirty and the living room is a mess and I feel "too tired" to do anything. I better shape up or my relationship is going to go down the drain to the place it was before when V could not trust me to remember any promise (much less keep it) or be of any help. We are not there yet, but sliding down is much easier than climbing up, so I better watch it...
Now I need to go back and see that they are getting ready for bed.
I keep wishing that V's dominance would grow, but the truth is that I am not doing much to actually turn the dream into reality. Lately I have been lazy and not very attentive.
My laziness has not been limited to my service to V, but to many other areas of my behavior. I have not completed several things I was suppossed to do around the house, and my performance at work is suffering as well. If I were to describe it, I'd say I have a severe case of "the Mondays", except that it's not Monday, and it happens evey day.
She has done a little bit in the arena of telling me to do things, like last Saturday, when she gave me a list of things to do. I felt a tingle when I saw the list and I completed every single activity. That night she thanked me, kissed me good night and I felt the satisfaction of having done my part in pleasing her. However that day was the exception rather than the rule. I've not been very helpful as of late and I think the progress I had achieved has been lost, at least in part.
I will try to get into gear again, because I still feel submissive, but I'm submissive and lazy right now, which is not a good combination in stealth submission.
I tremble in fear when thinking that perhaps the reason I feel so lazy is because I'm having too many orgasms. My wife has become a little more interested in sex as of late, something that may have ben caused by me helping her more around the house, and although it had been a desire of mine for years, having more sex may be effecting a change in my submissive feelings.
One of the common threads I've found in the literature available is that men are less submissive and less attentive right after they are sexually satisfied, so I think I may not be too far from reality on my thinking.
I had sex with V this morning, and yesterday morning, and the day before. Although we have always been sexually active, it's unusual to have sex consecutively, especially at a time when she is very busy in her personal life. As a matter of fact, V wanted to have sex last nigth, but arrived too tired and asked me to wake her up in the morning.
Her mentrual cycle is approaching and she will have to deny me for a few days. We'll see if I become less lazy when not being released.
For now, I'm thinking of ways to be asked do be of more service. She is definitely asking for more chores, like today when she left and asked me to cook and feed the kids, which I happily did, however, the dishes are dirty and the living room is a mess and I feel "too tired" to do anything. I better shape up or my relationship is going to go down the drain to the place it was before when V could not trust me to remember any promise (much less keep it) or be of any help. We are not there yet, but sliding down is much easier than climbing up, so I better watch it...
Now I need to go back and see that they are getting ready for bed.
Friday, April 23, 2010
When Nature Wants a Man
When Nature wants to drill a man
and thrill a man and skill a man,
When Nature wants to mould a man
To play the noblest part;
When she yearns with all her heart
To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall praise
Watch her method, watch her ways!
How she ruthlessly perfects
Whom she royally elects;
How she hammers him and hurts him
and with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay
which only Nature understands
While his tortured heart is crying
and he lifts beseeching hands!
How she bends, but never breaks,
When his good she undertakes...
How she uses whom she chooses
and with every purpose fuses him.
By every art induces him
to try his splendor out
Nature knows what she's about.
When Nature wants to take a man
and shake a man and wake a man;
When Nature wants to make a man
to do the future's will;
When she tries with all her skill
and she yearns with all her soul
To create him large and whole....
With what cunning she prepares him!
How she goads and never spares him,
How she whets him and she frets him
And in poverty begets him...
How she often disappoints
whom she sacredly anoints.
With what wisdom she will hide him,
Never minding what betide him
Though his genius sob with slighting
and his pride may not forget!
Bids him struggle harder yet.
Makes him lonely so that only
God's high messages shall reach him
So that she may surely teach him
What the Hierarchy planned.
Though he may not understand
Gives him passions to command
How remorselessly she spurs him,
with terrific ardor stirs him
When she poignantly prefers him!
When Nature wants to name a man
And fame a man and tame a man;
When Nature wants to shame a man
To do his heavenly best...
When she tries the highest test
That her reckoning may bring
When she wants a god or king!
How she reins him and restrains him
So his body scarce contains him
While she fires him and inspires him!
keeps him burning, ever yearning
for a tantalising goal
Lures and lacerates his soul.
Sets a challenge for his spirit,
Draws it higher when he's near it
Makes a jungle, that he clear it;
Makes a desert, that he fear it
And subdue it if he can
So doth Nature make a man.
Then, to test his spirit's wrath
Hurls a mountain in his path
Puts a bitter choice before him
And relentless stands o'er him.
"Climb, or perish!" so she says...
Watch her purpose, watch her ways!
Nature's plan is wondrous kind
Could we understand her mind...
Fools are they who call her blind.
When his feet are torn and bleeding
Yet his spirit mounts unheeding,
All his higher powers speeding
Blazing newer paths and fine;
When the force that is divine
Leaps to challenge every failure
and his ardor still is sweet
And love and hope are burning
in the presence of defeat...
Lo, the crisis! Lo, the shout
That must call the leader out.
When the people need salvation
Doth he come to lead the nation...
Then doth Nature show her plan
When the world has found--a man!
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