Saturday, November 26, 2011

A couple changes...

Last Saturday, My wife suggested that we may have to make some changes to our arrangement. At the time, I agreed with everything she said, but was not exactly sure what I was agreeing to. This morning I asked her if she had given any thought to the tweaks she wanted to make and she told me that she was not to do any tweaking and that I should bring the tweaking that was needed to her so she could decide on it.

Since I've been denied for a few days, my mind went to work like an overclocked CPU in search of a proposal that would bring us closer to FLM but that she could accept. Tonight, before going to bed (denied again, by the way) she told me that she wanted to hear what I had been thinking and I explained it more or less in these words:

The arrangement that we have works wonderfully. I feel excited and full of energy when my sexual needs are high (and I explained the denial part). It is a great way to relax and enjoy a change of pace from always being the boss at work and everywhere else (she said she understood perfectly how stressful being in charge all the time could be), and I thought it also took a pressure from her because she never has to have sex because she has to anymore. (She wholeheartedly agreed with this and admitted to great orgasms in the past few weeks). I told her that I had given her the key to my sexuality and I intended to respect this commitment for as long as she would have it. I thanked her for being firm with me and for loving me enough to deny me when I didn't deserve release.

Then I described what I thought could be improved.

1) More intense teasing may be needed on the day after release to bring the energy back as soon as possible. She agreed to this, with the caveat that she may not always be able to do it. I told her that I loved to be brought back to the higher level of consciousness that sexual desire produced on me, but that as always, our plan  was not meant to force her into anything she didn't want to do. She also said that she didn't want "teasing" to become "work" for her and I agreed to accept whatever she wanted to give that was fun and enjoyable to her. I also suggested that since she told me that she doesn't feel like receiving an orgasm and then making me stop, that she should ask me for massages, body rubs, or anything she would enjoy while I'm being denied, so that it is pleasurable to her while teasing me. I wish she would let me give her oral service, but alas, she doesn't like it. Perhaps one day...

2) Develop a reward and consequence mechanism to encourage consistency. She was intrigued about this and we discussed it the most. She seemed agreeable with fulfilling a sexual fantasy of mine on Saturday if I work out Monday through Friday without fail. She was not too sure about imposing incremental consequences for each day I failed to do as required, but suggested that I prepare a list of fantasies and give it to her. She said she will decide whether or not a fantasy will be granted. In the end, I got the assignment to draft a list of fantasies and consequences to hand over to her, a delicate balancing act, because I can't be too kinky and risk losing what has been gained, but don't want to waste the opportunity of suggesting more femdom-oriented activities. Suggestions of not-too-kinky rewards and consequences are welcome as I work on the list over the next week or so.

In addition, at some points of our conversation and in response to specific concerns of hers, I promised that from now on, I was giving up the right to question her about her reasons for not having sex with me and that I would not give her an attitude regarding her decision. I told her that I may fail to keep the promise always, and she said that she understands that I am only human, but that if I'm asking for this, she doesn't want me complaining later.

I'm actually surprised at the number of submissive thoughts that I expressed to her tonight, and at the ease with which she seemed to accept them. I should not get carried away by my apparent success, however, because there is still a lot of hesitation on my still-vanilla wife, and I don't want to risk a recession by using too much of my relationship capital at once.

My next steps will be to humbly accept whatever rewards and consequences she deems appropriate to bestow upon me, continue to strive to maintain a workout schedule and to show my appreciation for her help at all times. I will not bring the subject up in conversation unless she does. If she starts going outside of our arrangement and extends her gentle domination to other areas, as I think she will, I will accept it and express my love for her, until the time is ripe for me to get my other foot out of the closet, as it were, and confess to her that I'd love for her to dominate me in all areas of my life, and use me for her exclusive pleasure.

Until then, Patience, Humility, Service, Obedience...

NOTE: Special thanks to Tamara, who suggested a posible solution for the comments problem. Although it didn't work, and I'm still unable to post comments, it led me to Mistress Ivey's blog, which I found very valuable. Thanks, Tamara!

Monday, November 21, 2011

A warning sign on the road to a FLM.

QUICK NOTE: There seems to be a problem with the comments system on this blog. While I'm allowed to make posts, I can't comment. I apologize that I can't respond to comments, and hope that this is only temporary. My ability to comment on other blogs has not been affected.

And now to the matter at hand.

Yesterday, when I arrived at home, my wife asked me if I could do the dishes. There were a lot of them, which showed that the people assigned to do dishes on Saturday and Sunday had not done them (V has a calendar of chores for everyone, and someone has to do dishes every day, Friday being my day.)

Instead of being glad for the opportunity to make V happy, I asked who was supposed to do them for the two days and suggested that maybe we should split the work. Little did I know that just before I got there, the kids were giving her an attitude about not wanting to do the dishes and that she was asking me just to get them out of the way, but had already promised some consequences to the kids for failing to do their chores. Being already upset by their reluctance to obey, she didn't need much from me to get frustrated.

"Forget it," she said, putting on the dishwasher gloves.

I tried to tell her that I would do them, to which she replied that it was too late and then she added, right there in front of the family, "and don't bother working out tonight," a reference to our arrangement of me only getting sex on days that I exercise.

Needless to say, I was devastated and after everyone was gone, I hugged her and told her how sorry I was for  not helping her, to which she said with a smile "Okay, I forgive you, but you're still not getting any." I accepted her decision meekly, being that I knew I had screwed up.

Something interesting I noticed is that she was not upset anymore. On other occasions, if everyone refused to help her and she had to do extra chores, she would be upset for a long time. Here, a few minutes after my disobedience, she was showing me lots of love and attention, and I was feeling very attentive as well. My guess is that by using her power over me to impose an immediate consequence, she got it out of her system. Apparently, she got it out of my system as well, because in the past, I would also get mad because she was upset and it would spiral down from there.

I think this is a warning sign for me on the road I'm taking. Even though it was mild and gentle, it was her own decision to deprive me of sex because I failed to please her on something that was not part of our arrangement. By accepting her decision, I honored the role that I hope she will take, a role that V seems to be enjoying more and more with every little act of dominance she engages in. I better get my act together because I think this will continue to progress as she grows into our new relationship and begins to exert more domination over me.

Today, I went and worked out without her even asking, and before I went I asked her if she needed anything form me. She said, no, but I have the feeling that she is planning on denying me tonight. If you have been reading my recent posts, you know that the condition does not say that I get sex every time I work out, but that I will definitely NOT have sex unless I work out.

I'm actually looking forward to some teasing and denial on her part. We'll see how it goes.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

She initiates a conversation...

This morning, we had a 'conversation'.

My wife initiated it by cuddling up to me and beginning to stroke me slowly. She asked me if I wanted her body, and what I would like to do with it. I answered honestly and in the affirmative and she seemed pleased by my answers. "Well, too bad, baby," she said as she continued to stroke me for a while.

Then she told me that a friend of hers was moving and needed help, and that she had signed me up to help, so I was to get up and go there. She said that if I worked hard at helping her friend move, she would count it as working out for the purposes of our game.

She commented on a couple other aspects of our game as well, and even though I don't remember the exact conversation (hey, she was stroking me!) the ideas she expressed are more or less as follows:

  • Our arrangement is working fine, for the most part, but it needs some tweaking.
  • It seems that it takes effort to tease me, and she is very busy and tired most of the time, so she's not teasing me enough.
  • In a couple of weeks, she will have more time available to make sure she motivates me more (I shuddered at this one, half in excitement, half in fear)
  • She thinks that my workouts need to be more intense, or I won't lose weight.
  • She told me that for now, she wants me to go to the gym on Tuesdays, starting this week, and that she wants me working hard.
  • She also told me that she will have to watch what I eat, but she's not sure how she's going to do that.
I don't know if I was coherent as we had the conversation, but I agreed to everything she said and went ahead and helped her friend move. She had some heavy stuff to take down two flights of stairs, so it was quite the workout actually.

I was impressed that she took it upon herself to have the conversation with me and that she did things that I have read in D/s literature, but have never discussed with her. Things like extracting a promise from me by teasing me sexually, ordering me to go help someone else, describing her thoughts of how to "help" me better and making me talk even though all I wanted was to let go and enjoy her teasing, are all things I have read on different websites and books over the past few years, but seeing her doing them apparently out of her own imagination made me very excited.

I wonder if my submissiveness, even hidden as it was, actually pushed buttons deep inside my wife's dominant side and that has encouraged her to become more dominant to me.

I'm loving it.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Being denied.

I was denied today.
In case you don't know what I'm talking about, in the last post I talked about the new game we are playing where I have to work out or I don't get sex. Well, today V told me that she was not going to count my workout and that I'd have to work out again tomorrow and "we'd see".
I'm so glad to see her beginning to embrace her power. I thanked her for her help and for being firm with me.
Before she decided to deny me, she told me that she was not sure if she was going to count my workout and that she was going to think about it. She asked me to do some other things for her today, such as serving her dinner in bed and said that maybe that would help her make up her mind. I asked her if she was trying to use her power in other areas and she said yes (WOW!) and in the end decided to let me wait another day.
The only thing I regret right now is that she can't find it in her to make me pleasure her, and by denying me, she denies herself. This may be a problem because if she gets horny enough, she may allow me to get unearned sex.
Other than that, the only thing I would wish for at this stage would be more teasing, but considering where we were just a couple of weeks ago, and how long it took me to even dare propose the idea of orgasm control to her, I can't complain. I'm in relative bliss right now and every step, no matter how small, as long as it is in the right direction, can be counted as a victory.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Can't wait for tomorrow!

First of all, I am really happy that I managed to retrieve the password for this blog. I couldn't change it because the email address that I used to create it is no longer valid. Finally I managed to figure out the password and change the email address.
Now for some real news: My wife is in control of my orgasms!!!
No, she is not dominating me quite yet, not at the level I desire, but there has been a gigantic leap of progress from the last time I posted here, and I am happier than a dog with two tails right now :) How did it happen? Read on!
Some time back, I told her that I needed motivation to exercise and lose weight. She playfully suggested that if I went and worked out for 15-30 minutes, she'd have sex with me. Of course I got up and went power walking. She fulfill her end of the deal and I got great sex. This went on for a week or two, but didn't work anymore, because she was too tired to offer sex as a reward and took pity on me when she wanted to have sex.
For a while I debated whether to bring the subject up again, and as you know, my fear always had the best part of me, but that changed the other day (actually last week) and I have been dying to find the password to this blog ever since, to share it with you :)
So how did it happen?
She said that she was very worried for my health and that I really needed to work out. I said "I know, but I'm always so tired!" we talked a little about it and I said that she could help. Since she had the previous experience, she had an idea of where I was coming from and said "I'm not going to do anything I haven't done in the years we've been married" to which I answered that it was not something new, but some structure to it. Then we agreed that I would tell her after the kids went to bed.
I was shaking with fear all afternoon, fearing that I would not dare bring the subject up, but when she came to bed, she asked me if I wanted t talk now and I agreed. What follows is a distillation of our chat. 75% of the time I was like uh... hmm... well... and having a hard time to keep my voice calm.
I explained to her that sex was the most powerful motivator in the world and that the few days that we had tried sex as a reward for exercise had worked but there were two basic problems with that approach:
1) If sex is used as a reward that is paid, anytime I work out she will be indebted to me, therefore, if she is not in the mood, or is too busy she will not want to do it, also, if I perceive that she is not going to pay, the motivation factor disappears.
2) If I don't keep my end of the bargain, but she wants to have sex, she will either have to deprive herself (punishment for her) or give me what was supposed to be a reward for free. One way or another this makes the program unworkable.
After explaining the problems I offered the following solution (I still don't know how I dared):
1) Sex would not be a direct reward for working out, but lack of it would be a consequence for failing to do it.
2) If I worked out, I may (or may not) have sex. If I didn’t, I would definitely have none.
3) The decision of whether I could have sex on working out days would be entirely in her power. She didn’t have to say why or why not and it would be entirely up to her choice.
4) If I worked out, the ‘effects’ (the possibility of having sex) expire the following morning. There is no cumulative effect or saving ‘rewards points’ for another day.
5) This game was all for me, and it should not limit her in any way. If she wants to have sex but I have not ‘earned’ it, she can have me do anything to pleasure her, sexual or non-sexual, including having sex until she is satisfied and making me stop.
6) She should have no mercy. The ‘no work out, no orgasm’ (for me) rule should be enforced always.
7) If I complain or get in a bad mood, she should remind me that I asked for this and that it is for my own good.
8) She should tease me; both verbally and physically to make sure I am as motivated as can be, whether or not she thinks that there will be sex later or not.
9) She doesn’t have to tell me if she is planning to have sex with me or not, but should require that I work out “just in case”.
10) She should make sure to tell me why I’m not getting any when I fail to do my part.
11) No excuses on my part will change her mind. This should serve me as a reminder.
Believe it or not, my wife embraced this new setup! She said that she thought it would work and that she would do it. She was laughing and I said that she seemed to be enjoying her new power and she said she was.
She said that we would start immediately so I would be going to bed without "getting any". I confessed to her that I felt a jolt in my member when she said that and she laughed again!
The only rile she had an issue with was number 5. She said she didn't think that making me stop would work for her. I told her that it would be powerful and she agreed but she doesn't think she will do it, because having me finish inside her gives her "an emotional close-out" (her words, which I don't really understand).
Anyway, that was Tuesday. Here is the summary since then:
TUE: That's the night I presented this game to her. No release.
WED: I was too tired to work out and resigned to not get any, but she came on to me and started talking to my penis, telling "him" that he was not getting any and that he knew whose fault it was. She laughed as my penis came to full attention. She told me "look at him, poor thing! You don't deserve to have a penis! You don't know how to give it what it needs" After teasing me for a while, she asked me if I had gotten a second wind and said "Go work out!" I did and had the most intense intercourse in recent memory.
THU: Nothing
FRI: Nothing
SAT: She woke me up in the morning and noticed I had an erection. She said "what are you doing here? Go work out!" I did, and when I came back she told me that she was having her period, so I was not getting any, but I was a good boy for working out. Then she added that she had been in her period since Thursday, so I'd never know if she could do it Sunday or not. (Smart one this one... she's getting the hang of it)
SUN: Too busy for anything, but I suspect that she is still in her period. Now that I have given up control of my sexual pleasure to her, I don't think I need to know when she's available or not.
That brings me up to date.
Oh, I almost forgot that yesterday I started to keep a journal of her teases, my workouts and my feelings. After I finish the entry for the day, I send it to her. I told her that it was because all this is an experiment and I may need to remember. I also told her that I'd send it to her daily by email. She said that she would be too busy to read it and I told her that she doesn't have to, because I am the only one who has to do things for this, but that if she feels like it, she can write any remarks on it as well. She said Okay.
As I said before, I'm so happy my legs are shaking (and something else is dripping).
I know this is not full-fledged female domination, but I feel great. She loves the control and the power she feels and that will ensure that she keeps it up.
Today I asked her something (non sexual) that apparently I have asked too may times and she said: "ask me one more time and you will be in so much trouble that no amount of exercise will help you." Major jolt right there!
I can't wait for tomorrow!