Friday, December 27, 2013

A threesome (not) in my future

Christmas came and went, and I did not get my wish of getting a chastity belt.

That doesn't mean that nothing interesting happened. Miss said, for the first time in my memory that there was a woman that was so hot, that she would not mind having a threesome with me. She said that in front of her kids, who started to laugh and joke when she said that the woman was Shakira.

If you don't know who this petite hot Latina singer performer is, check this video where she performs with Beyonce. Two of the hottest performers, in my opinion. My favorite part is in the last minute or so, when they exchange roles and you have both performing together as one and then as the other... Seeing Beyonce twisting her hips with Shakira is so HOT, it must be illegal somewhere...

Anyway, this is never going to happen, but it was so hot to hear my wife telling people that I would be allowed to be with another woman if that woman was Shakira. She later repeated that in private, when I was looking for a video to embed here.

"Oh, my God", she told me just a minute ago, "I love her!"

I so horny right now... Not that I will ever have a threesome, much less with Shakira, but it is still so hot that even though I know my wife is pushing my buttons, it still works.

So, among other things, I gave my wife a necklace with a heart shaped key for Christmas. No, not THE KEY, but I wanted to see what her reaction would be, after we had talked about chastity belts and keys and all.

She said she loved it, and whispered in my ear that she knew I meant the key to my chastity. I asked her if I would get my wish fulfilled and she said she didn't know, using a tone that implied a strong reluctance, so I need to lay off the chastity belt for a while. At least the idea is there, where it can slowly work its way through her rationalization... like taking me from behind orgasm denial did.

I was about to say like taking me with a strapon did, but that one took me by surprise, because she accepted it the first time I mentioned it. Orgasm denial, on the other hand, was a little hard for her to accept (or to accept that I would accept it, more likely) but now, there is no sex that happens unless she wants it, and she has not been afraid to just make me stop after she's done.

If only she would awaken to the power of the physical tease... but that's the next stage, I hope.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

I asked for it...


Two nights ago I was browsing the web for some panties that say "spank me" in the back.I have been thinking of getting a pair and wearing them on Christmas Eve, and I was checking some of my options. Since most of them are made for women, I don't know exactly what size will fit me.

Well, I fell asleep while browsing and was awakened by my wife grabbing my penis and biting on my neck.

"Is that what you want?" she asked.

I groaned when I opened my eyes and saw the screen. It was a pair of black panties with "Spank Hard" written on white letters. I told her that it was supposed to be a surprise, which she didn't believe, of course, because who would do something like leave a computer on with what was clearly meant to be a request on screen? No one would think of using THAT method to veil a request (end sarcasm).

Anyway, she turned me over and spanked me with the kitchen spatula I bought for her. She spanked me several times, then turned me over and sucked my penis for a bit. Then she turned me around again and spanked me some more. She asked me if I already have her Christmas gift ready. When I said no, she spanked me. She asked me if I was going to get it ready, when I said yes, she spanked me anyway and said "Good!". In summary, she spanked me quite a bit more than she has ever done, and for the first time ever, I got close to ask her to stop. Then she teased me about my penis being as red as my ass and asked why was it dripping if I knew I wasn't getting any. That only made it grow stiffer, of course, and then she wished me a good night and went to sleep.


Last night, while I was edging myself, I went beyond the edge and I came. This morning, of course, as my luck would have it, for the first time in a week, my wife wanted me to perform for her and she drew a GREEN marble out of the container, which meant I got to come.

She told me she was making sausages for breakfast and thought about me.

"I don't normally think about your penis when I eat sausages", she said. "So it must mean that I have not gotten any in too long."

I managed to get an erection long enough to give her an orgasm, but it failed shortly after. I was a bit embarrassed, and didn't want my wife to think that I didn't want her, especially since I have not officially ejaculated in almost three weeks, so I confessed. She took it pretty well, said that it was only natural and that I seemed to be more frustrated than her about the whole thing.

"I had my fun, after all,"she said.

I kind of wanted her to be a little more upset, so I could ask for a chastity belt, but she seemed very casual about the matter, which gave me pause. Then she told me to get up, make her breakfast and go outside and bring the groceries from the car. It was cold outside, so I would have to dress warmly.

"Oh, and come over here," she said before I got dressed. She gave me a single hard spank. "This is for cheating on me with yourself, and that green marble you got today? It doesn't go back into the container. You lost if for failing me."

When i came back from the car, and she was eating her breakfast, I told her that I wanted a chastity belt. She answered a little disbelieving, but left a door open by asking "how does that even work?". I said I'd show her, and pulled my laptop, where I already had two chastity devices selected for her to choose, but when I was about to show her, the computer decided to do an automatic update and restart. (hate these automatic updates, and why didn't it happen at 0300 hours as it is supposed to do?) so I could not show her. She could not wait. because it was time to go to work. I asked her if I could show her on my phone and she said that I could if i found it fast.

I showed the two devices shown here:

She said that this was the strangest thing that I had ever shown her and had several questions:
  • Why are they all metal?
  • Wasn't this supposed to be a belt?
  • Wouldn't these be very cold?
  • Do you wear these all the time?
  • What if I have the key and I don't see you all week (like last week?) does that mean you have to wear it all week?
  • Wouldn't it become all green and stinky?
I did my best to answer the questions in the limited time she had before she had to leave. Of course, I don't have perfect answers to all the questions, since I have never had one of these devices, but I did what I could.

She said that she had to go, but that she needed to ask me for two things. One was to go shopping for the groceries that she could not get the night before, and use them to make dinner.

"That's one thing?" I asked jokingly.

She said yes. The other one was to clean the living room, put everything in its place, clean the dining room, the kitchen and do all the dishes (of which there is a mountain). I don't know if the second one is that much because I questioned the first one, or she had planned to ask me to do everything, but here I am, getting ready to clean the whole thing. She even told me that I could not ask my son to help, because he had helped her yesterday and it would be unfair, so I have to do the whole thing myself.

I'm not complaining. The last thing I want to do is try to get those pesky little ones to do anything. I prefer cleanup to supervising children cleaning up. Plus, when I clean up, Ms V usually feels very generous afterwards.

Anyway, back to the chastity device thing, I don't know what Ms. V will decide, but the cat is now out of the box, and I have asked for it. The important thing is that the worst thing that can happen is that she say no. She didn't get offended or anything. She actually told me that I may get to please her again tonight, if I'm lucky. 

I'm sure we'll get to talk about this some more. 

Thursday, September 26, 2013

What V Wants: Proactive Help.

I had a conversation with V the other night that illustrated one of the ways in which we submissive men make mistakes when it comes to our attempts to bring out dominance from our partners.

It was very simple, but helpful.

The background is this: V was upset with me because I made a blunder out of her birthday celebration, so I was not just being denied, I was being ignored. I have spoken about the difference between the two before, so I won't go there. The main thing is I wanted to make amends, and was being very helpful around the house and with the kids, and all. This lasted for many days. I apologized in any possible way I could, brought her flowers, etcetera.

One day, I think after 10 days of this, I texted her that I loved and would do anything to please her.

"Not do. Be" Came her simple response via text.

She gave me two more days of the cold treatment, and then on day 12, she whispered in my ear (the children were present).

"If you work out and are proactive, I'll take care of you when I get back from work".

She went to the kitchen and I followed her.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You are a big boy," she said. "You'll figure it out."

I didn't say anything. To me it felt like a lose if you do, lose if you don't type of deal. She must have seen my idiotic face because when she turned around, she asked what I thought she meant.

"To me, " I said, choosing to be completely honest. "It sounds like you want me to do something, but don't want to tell me what it is".

"You see? That's the problem!" She said, but I could tell that she was not as upset as she had been for the past several days. "You think that I want you to do something specific, and that's not what I want. I want you to look around, there are many things you can do to help, and do something, help with the kids, the family, the house, don't you understand?"

"I do," I responded meekly.

And I finally did.

In my quest for submission, I had become inert, and expectant on her direction, but what she wanted was someone who anticipated her needs and went ahead in helping without requiring her direct command.

I chose to do all the dishes, cleaned the table and the stove, and made sure the younger ones did their things before going to bed.

It was enough.

When V came back she took me to bed and told me that I could come inside her.

I did as I was told, and had one of the most intense (but not long-lasting, sadly) orgasms of my life.

So, V wants a man who serves her, but that shows some initiative in deciding to do it instead of being commanded. The day after that, she told me that she would give me the pleasure of doing something for her, and made me write some materials for her job.

When we were in the car the other day, I asked her if there was a house chore that she disliked above all others, one that she would give away to someone else if she could.

"Dishes,"  she answered without hesitation.

"Because of your hands, eh?" I asked.

"Yes, I can't use gloves because they dry my hands, and I can't not use gloves because the dish washing soap dries my hands."

"I see," I said, leaving the rest unsaid. I love her hands, how small and soft they are, and I made my mind right there: she will not have to do dishes again if I am home to prevent it.

I think this count as being proactive.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Reason 3 of 12: I enjoy a heightened state of energy and awareness

Recently, while enjoying some time off, I had time to think about why I want orgasm control and came up with a list of 12 reasons. These reasons were listed in the order they came to mind, which may or may not follow a logical order. After posting that list, I thought it would be a good exercise to post a brief explanation of each one of them, here is reason number 3.

Instinct may play a diminished role in modern-day humans, but our physical bodies are equipped with the capacity to focus on what they consider lacking. Have you ever notice how when you are hungry, your sense of smell seems enhanced? The most deliciously torturous smells of food are those who reach you when you are starving. Taste is enhanced as well, and food does indeed taste better when you are hungry.
The opposite of this is also true.
After eating, if you ate enough, your senses become dull to the stimuli of food smells and tastes, and if you really overdo it, you may find yourself suddenly disgusted at what earlier was a delicate, enticing aroma.
When you crave for an orgasm, your senses become aroused to the touch, smell, and look of the human female. You feel a jolt of energy coursing through your body, you feel more awake, more alive, more energetic. All this is part of what your body does to ensure reproduction (hush, don't tell it that sex is not ONLY for reproductive purposes).
When I'm denied an orgasm, I feel stronger. I feel healthier, more motivated and alert. My senses tingle when I detect the smell of my mate, an her touch is glorious to me. I feel, as I mentioned in an older post, more in control of the situation (which is ironic, being that this state of mind is inflicted upon me by another) and more in control of my body (also ironic).
On the opposite end of the orgasm, I feel lethargic, lazy, fog-brained, tired...
So, as long as the denial is not too excessive, guess on which side of my orgasms I want to be?

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Reason 2 of 12: The thrill of the chase and the hunt never dissipates

Recently, while enjoying some time off, I had time to think about why I want orgasm control and came up with a list of 12 reasons. These reasons were listed in the order they came to mind, which may or may not follow a logical order. After posting that list, I thought it would be a good exercise to post a brief explanation of each one of them, here is reason number 2.


I have shared this with my wife several times. Men are hunters that love to chase after prey. Once the prey is captured, the thrill of the hunt is over. I love how orgasm denial extends the hunt, making me think about the chase and ever-extending the thrill.

The hunt seems to be the essence of romance, and as I chase, my ever-elusive prey toys with me and I become obsessed with the catch, like the old man trying to catch the white whale. Looking after, giving my all to get it, only to see it dangling in front of me, so near and yet so far, this maintains a thrill that doesn't dissipate...

OK, well, it does dissipate when the desired prey is captured, but soon enough, I'm hunting again...

And I get the thrill all over again.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Reason 1 of 12: I feel the need to subdue my urges and desires

Recently, while enjoying some time off, I had time to think about why I want orgasm control and came up with a list of 12 reasons. These reasons were listed in the order they came to mind, which may or may not follow a logical order. After posting that list, I thought it would be a good exercise to post a brief explanation of each one of them, here is reason number 1.


I have often felt that my sexual urges are like a beast that needs to be tamed in order to stop it from dominating every aspect of my life. In essence, it comes down to controlling what would otherwise control me, or putting it another way, to harness the energy of the beast and turn it into a good use.
When it comes to sex, I was a late bloomer, but if sex came late into my life, it came strong and unbridled. There was a time in my life when I became literally addicted to sex in a way that I could not be productive in any other endeavor and sex became an obsession, a powerful dominating force in my life. During the darkest hour of my addiction, I was having trouble concentrating on almost anything, and was having memory lapses, and moments when I simply lost the best use of my faculties and could say that my sexual urge was making decisions for me. The more I tried to repress the need, the stronger it became and the worse the result when I finally gave in to it.
I read once that an addict is never cured, but goes on remission.
Since my marriage, I have not had sexual encounters with anyone besides my wife, whom I love with all my heart (something I was not capable of doing during my addiction years). I was to give her my all, and not keep anything from her. This is the reason I want her to dominate my sexual life, because if this beast is not dominated, it has the potential, a very real and strong potential, to dominate me instead.
And this is my first reason.   

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

12 Reasons I want Orgasm Control

For a while now, I have had it clear in my mind that I want to surrender my sex life to my wife. I often wonder and perhaps speculate about the reasons for this, somewhat unconventional desire, but have never come to a concrete conclusion. Recently, while enjoying some time off, I had time to think about why I want orgasm control and came up with a list of 12 reasons. Here I present them in the order they came to mind, which may or may not follow a logical pattern. Perhaps I will offer a brief discussion of each in future posts and will link to them from here.

  1. Being under erotic control is – well, erotic
  2. When obtained, the orgasm is deeper and more intense
  3. It creates harmony in the relationship
  4. The ‘tease’ part of ‘tease & denial’ fills an emotional need for me
  5. It places my princess in a position of power, and I love powerful women
  6. Giving up my favorite hobby is a sacrifice in her honor that allows me to express my devotion
  7. It keeps me in a place of harmony and peace
  8. It prevents my addiction to sex from flaring up
  9. It keeps me in a subdued, more satisfied mode
Some of the thoughts above may seem duplicate (they do even to me right now) but when I thought of them they were perfectly distinct and separate. Maybe I'll change this as time goes by, but for now, here is my list of reasons.
How does it compare to yours, if you care to comment?

Coming from Behind, Attempt 2 of 3

The title of this post should read attempt 2 of 2.

Yes, I did it.

I came while being taken anally by my wife and her strap-on.

I didn't think it was going to happen. As a matter of fact, when I wrote the card that she pulled, my intent was to get more denial, but three days after the first attempt, she called me to the bedroom and told me that it was time to try again.

As it has happened on other times before, I came close to orgasm several times during the event, but could not reach it. When she declared that she was too tired to continue, I asked if she could lay back. Her answer was "ride on, baby!" And I had to make an effort to keep my eyes in their sockets, as if were...

I climbed on top, and asked for her to order me to come, but she said that she was not going to do that and if I came it would be all me. I came to the edge twice, but failed to complete, but as I was about to  give up, I felt a rush of blood to my brain (for lack of a better explanation) and decided to go ultra fast. I went up and down, hard, my balls hitting my wife's belly, my ass pounding the base of her dildo. My ass started to burn with the friction, and I was sweating profusely, but in the end, I came.

It was not the most powerful orgasm I've ever had (that honor still remains on a hand job), but I saw Miss V's smile at my "accomplishment" and I felt completely happy.

Now I can say that I have had an anal orgasm.

Another step on the ladder.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Coming from Behind, Attempt 1 of 3

Because of the black marble I drew the other day, I am not allowed to have an option to an orgasm (meaning, I can't draw any marbles) until one of two things has happened: I come while being taken anally, or I get taken anally three times and fail to reach orgasm. The first attempt was last night.

When Miss V went to work, she told me to cleanse my body for her, which I did. She came home and everything was all right, playing games with the family and other regular things until she announced that she was going to bed early.

I followed her and she laughed when she saw me enter the room. She knew what I was after.

"Did you do as you were told?" she asked. She had asked me to do some other things around the house in addition to cleansing myself.

"Really?" she said, in apparent surprise when I said that I had done as I had been told. "What a good boy!"

"Where is my thing?" she asked, in reference to our strap-on kit. She calls it her thing, as opposed to my penis, which is my thing. I pointed to it, it was ready. "Ah, there it is."

She was wearing a longish black blouse and long black trousers. She removed her trousers and her panties, but left her blouse on, as she adjusted the straps around her hips and waist. I wish I could have taken a picture of her, but I doubt she would have allowed it (probably a good idea, because today I caught my mother, who is visiting for a few days, going over the images in my camera, and I don't know what might have happened)

She turned around, leaning a bit towards me to that her blouse covered the dildo.

"How do I look?" She asked teasingly.

"You are a vision of perfection,"I answered. Yes, a little tacky, I know...

Then she straightened up, lifting her shoulders, so that her 'erection' could pop from underneath her blouse.

"Get over here," she said. I love it how she becomes commanding as soon as she wears the strap-on.

I went there and she pushed me over the bed, and proceeded to penetrate me from behind. It was a little hard to get in and she joked that her thing needed more excitement, so I pulled my hand backwards and grabbed her imaginary balls, rubbing her labia a bit in the process.

"Like this?" I asked.

She said that it was actually nice, but didn't let me do it again, pushing me down instead.

The only topping from the bottom I did all night was telling her that perhaps she needed to spread my cheeks wide to gain better entry.

She fucked me for a long time, and twice I was about to come, but it somehow dissipated.

"Time's up,"she said after a while, pulling out and dropping her thing to the floor  before I had a chance to react.

Then she pulled me towards her, and we made love with me on top until she had an orgasm.

"That's it", she said. "Your job here is done."

And like that, she went to sleep, leaving me in the throes of unfulfilled desire, just Like I wanted.

Or I thought I wanted...

Friday, July 12, 2013

The BLACK Marble... Uh, oh...

Today, for the first time, Miss V drew the BLACK MARBLE out of the container. In case you don't know what that implies, the BLACK MARBLE means that I will get denied in a special way. I have come up with a series of cards indicating several ways in which I would like Miss V to deny me, and the idea was that whenever this marble came up, she would pick her preferred card and made me "suffer"it. Well, today was that day.

I gave the cards to Miss V and she asked me if she was supposed to pick at random. I explained (again) that she can read them and pick her favorite, but after reading through them all, she told me that she wanted to pick one at random, but that she didn't want any that required her to do work. I thought that was a very adequate position for her, and told her that there is nothing she HAS to do. If she doesn't like the card, she can change it for another, modify the activity or simply do nothing. She decided to pull a card at random and began to shuffle them as my erection raged on and my heart raced. These cards have some fantasies of mine that we have never tried, so I was not sure what her reaction was going to be.

She pulled the first card. It was a denial card. I would be required to write a letter to Miss V every day, for the next 7 days, begging for her to deny me and giving her a reason why she should do so. The reasons needed to vary each day. Of course, in her generosity, Miss V. would honor my humble petitions.

"Meh,"she said placing the card back in the bottom of the deck (I have a total of 12 cards). "I don't really like this one"

She proceeded to draw a second card. On this one, I will be submitted to some anal training, with the goal of making me have an anal orgasm (I've never have one). She will give me the opportunity to "buy" a number of tries at anal action at the price on one GREEN MARBLE each, to see if I manage to reach an orgasm. If I don't, I get denied until the next try. Of course, during this training program, she still gets to have as many orgasms as she wants.

"Do you want to do this?" she asked, showing me the card. I said yes and she asked me a couple questions to clarify the intent. We agreed that each try would be on separate days, and that she would do it until she gets tired, if I have not come by then, it is a failure. She also wanted to make the number of tries random, and actually asked me for a die to roll. I gave her one and the roll came to be 3.

This means that the next three times we engage in sex, I will not get to come, unless I do it as the receiver of anal sex. If I don't manage to come while she is doing me, she is free to have me do anything to get her off, but I will remain denied. Since the card did not specify that that attempts would be on consecutive days, and I don;t think that would be a fair expectation, I don't really know how many days of denial I just added to my chain. For now, Miss V told me that she is very tired (I knew that, so I was surprised that she even drew a marble) and that all she wanted was to sleep in tomorrow, so she asked me not to bother her in the morning. She said that she will tell me when my first "chance" will be.

Interestingly, when the BLACK MARBLE came out, Miss V asked me what were the odds of that particular marble coming out, since there is only one, and I calculated it at 5.8% (1 out of 17). This means I got very lucky (or unlucky, depending on your point of view) to get this marble today. Of course, the idea of the BLACK MARBLE is to be a constant high-stakes, but low-probability risk.

On this case, it earned me three sessions of anal sex, with the added complication that If I don't come like a girl, I don't get to come at all. Do I think at I will reach an orgasm? Sincerely, no. However, I've been denied for 10 days already, which may come into play, especially if she orders me to come while she does my ass.

I'd be interested in hearing your opinion on this.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

VERY happy in 5 minutes.

"Wake up!" said Miss V. in an urgent tone this morning. "If I can't sleep, you can't sleep".

I woke up as instructed and was about to ask what she wanted me to do when she suddenly ordered to take my pants off. 

"You have 5 minutes to make me happy," she said. "VERY happy."

She leaned over me as I pumped my penis to make it hard enough for penetration. "That's right,"she said then. "Wake it up... Faster!"

At that moment, it suddenly came to life, springing to attention. Not a fully fledged super hard, mind you, but the change was notieable to the naked eye.

"Wow, that WAS fast!" She said, grabbing it and priming it a little more. "Good boy!"

She turned her back towards me and offered me her beautiful round bottom, which I proceeded to take. She grabbed my right hand and crossed it over to her crotch and my left, which was under her, to her right nipple. She also pointed to her neck, a sign that means that she wants me to bite her.

Normally, she prefers one type of stimulus at a time, but she was a woman in a schedule.

She had one orgasm and pulled away from the hand that was playing with her nipple. I think the nipples became too sensitive after her orgasm and it stopped being pleasurable. By then, I was close to my own orgasm, but doing three things (now two) at the same time helped to keep it at bay.

After her orgasm, she turned face down and I pulled me to climb over her. This is a favorite position of mine, and she uses it to good effect, expecialy when she is tired, or ready for me to finish off. I accelerated the pace, realiing that the 5 minutes were probably close to over by then.

"Are you happy?" I asked as I felt my edge was approaching fast.

"I'm a little happy," she purred. "But I could be happier..."

By now, I had to look out the window, think of other things and otherwise maintain my mind occuppied to avoid a spill. It was hard (in more than one way), but I managed to resist until she had her second orgasm, a softer but longer one that seemed to relax all her muscles as it subsided.

"Up,"she said patting my hand. "You are done".

Happily frustrated, I dropped to her side and asked her how happy she was now.

"VERY happy,"she responded stretching. 

Then, before she left, she started to give instructions of all the things she wanted me to do today, tyhen she left, leaving me happily frustrated, with plenty to do and with a wide smile on my face.

It's been a good day so far.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

How things are right now

I have not posted in a while, so I thought it was perhaps time to provide an update on how things are going.

First of all, although I continue to feel as submissive as ever, with my needs and wants of domination, sometimes I am not as helpful around the house as I need to, which affects V's mood, and bring her expectations down. Recently she has been asking me if I can maybe try to do something, as oppossed to giving me an order. This is so counterproductive that I feel like not doing it at all, whioch then causes a half-ass effort, low quality service, frustration and even lower future expectations. You could say that I am caught in a vicious circle right now.

I know, I know... I have all the tools and the knowledge to try to get out of this, but it is so hard not to let the moods affect you. I have not have sex in 9 days, but I can't call it denial, because V has not had any either. It is just lack of intimacy, caused by the fact that V now has 2 jobs and her time off is when I'm at work on mine.

I'm trying once more to bring the dynamic to life. The one thing that helps is that this time, I do it from an informed position, meaning that V knows that I want her to use sex as a tool to dominate me.

Here are two recent events that show this.

The first one was last night. I asked her if there was a chance that she would draw a marble later and she said no. Then she added, that since I crave her so much and I love her feet, that she was going to allow me to rub them. I smiled, and she became a little bossy, ordering me to take her used plate to the sink, and wash it, go get her water bottle and fill it and bring the lotion while I was at it.

I did everything as instructed, and then sat on the floor, in front of her, with her feet on my lap and gave them a long massage, including some kisses. At one point she asked me if I was comfortable down there, to which I replied by placing one of her feet in position over my erection. ""Yes, I am" I said.

The next was today, when she asked me to take her to work. She had mentioned earlier that I had to make sure that everyone ate and cleaned up after themselves, to which I had agreed. While we were in the car, I asked her what would the odds be of having a woman engage in something sexual with me tonight.

"If you are a good boy and do everything she says," she said. "I'd say there is a pretty good chance".

"Oh, I like that. And what does she want me to do?"

"She already told you," she said, repeating what she had said before.

When I dropped off in front of her building, I told her that I would do anything she said. She smiled and said, "Then, I want an immaculate kitchen."

So, you see, there is still hope here, although I'd very much prefer that she was more blatant in her use of me than she is, but I guess that before I get that, I need to demonstrate that I am a willing subject to such use. For all that matters right now, all I need to worry about it to make the kitchen immaculate.

And that's where I'm headed right at this very moment.

EDIT: (4 hours later)

I made sure everyone ate, cleaned the kitchen, including the floors and the stove and when Miss V came home, she found it to her liking. Once in the bedroom, she drew a marble from the container, and it was RED (if you have not been following this, a RED marble indicates denial for me).

"And I didn't cheat," she said before explaining that she was too tired to really enjoy me "making her happy" but that she would save it for the morning. For now, she explained, handing me the bottle of lotion, "you are going to give me a foot rub and dream about how much fun I am going to have in the morning."

"I can do that," I said, getting to work in her foot rub.

Later during the rub, I kissed her feet and thanked her. When she asked why, I said that I was grateful that she had given me the opportunity to show her my love by giving her a foot massage.

"You love my feet, eh?" she asked rethorically, then added "perhaps I can make you give me a pedicure, since you love my feet so much."

I said that I'd love to do it, if she told me how, and she agreed that she will. Then she added that she knws that I will do a great job, because I'm very talanted (her words).

So that's it. She didn't touch or tease, but I was leaking by the time I finish rubbing her feet. I need to go to sleep now, basking in the amazing power V has and hopefuly dreaming about the pleasure I'll get to give in the morning, as she instructed me.

Friday, May 24, 2013

"Good to know..."

Just like the first time we played our orgasm denial game with the marbles, I have been denied for 10 days. (that time it was 11). For the first few days, Miss V was on her period and she didn't tease me or anything, but after that, she had taken the baton and has gotten 4 orgasms to my none.

Today, she pulled me over, made me put my leg between hers and rubbed herself against me.

"Are you horny?" she asked.

"Yes," I answered, of course.

"Good to know," she said, pulling away and leaving. "I have to go to work, but it is good to know."

She is about to get home again, and I'm hoping for a GREEN marble. The scary part is that there is the new BLACK (it's actually blue, for now) marble that can give me a full week of tease and denial. I want that one to come out, but not when I have had 10 days of pure RED marbles...

We'll see what comes out tonight.

Now, I have to go work out.


I did work out and switched another marble from RED to GREEN. It's looking like a lot of GREEN in the container, but still she drew a RED one... She said she wanted a foot rub and a back rub, and told me that "it needed to be a good one, because I had gotten a RED marble." When I asked for clarification, she explained that sometimes when I'm looking forward to sex, my massages are too short.

I ended up giving her a long foot and back rub, kissing her feet and her bottom repeatedly in the process. Now she sleeps, and I am horny as hell. How does she keep drawing RED marbles?

Well, tomorrow is another day (number 11)

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Yesterday's RED Marble

I arrived from work a little late, and Miss V was already gone. I had been home for a while when I saw it, but it was on my bed. It was a single RED marble. I thought it was a joke of some kind, because V has never pulled a marble out when I'm not present, so I took a picture and sent her a message asking her if the marble was for real.
Bad quality (light was poor) but it's a RED marble...

Her reply: Awwww, poor baby!

When she came back home, she asked me what I was going to do.

"Whatever you say," I said as she took her shoes and pants off.

"That's right," she said laying on the bed with her laptop and pointing to her feet. I don't know why, but this by itself gave me an instant erection. I guess it is because it had been a while since she ordered me to do something by pointing with her finger, something I find extremely dominant.

I got into bed with her, reversed to her position and began to massage her left foot, interspersing kissing and licking. While I did that, she just worked on her computer, totally ignoring me. She only interrupted me twice, once to tell me that I needed to continue massaging her (I had gotten too involved with the licking part) and another when she wanted me to switch to the right foot. This she did by lifting her foot and putting it on my nose. It was kind of humiliating, and my penis throbbed as I complied with her unspoken commands. She could see it very well, because it was throbbing right next to her (I was naked)

After she finished working on her laptop, she simply pulled her feet away from me, covered herself with the blanket and told me she was done, good night, thank you very much.

She didn't touch my penis at all, or say a thing, but I felt deliciously teased, because I had a powerful erection the whole time. I felt frustrated when she just went to sleep, just like I like it.

The only thought I have is about her pulling the marble out before I came home. She's never done that before, and it makes me wonder if she really pulled the marble randomly or she intentionally got a RED one. I'm fine either way, but curious.

Actually, it would be better for me if she "cheated", because this means that she decided to be selfish and deny me. 

Monday, May 13, 2013

The Marbles

Like I said in the last post, we'll be playing marbles again.
The marbles that control my fate...

I've decided that little is better than none, and asked my wife, V to begin playing with orgasm denial again. She accepted quite readily, except that she wouldn't start until tomorrow. She allowed me to start earning beads on Sunday (yesterday) though, so I already have one.

I asked her if she was going to start at 50% (8 GREEN - 8 RED) or at 0% (0 GREEN - 16 RED) and she decided to go 50%, so now I have 9 and 7 (when earning a GREEN marble, it takes the place of a RED one.

V told me her pans for tomorrow and after describing several things she has to do on her last day at work, she said "then I'll come home, draw a marble and either have sex with myself while you watch, or have sex with you". Little friend was up in attention immediately.

"Oh, how cute!" she said, pointing at my flamboyant erection as she seductively changed into work clothes. "I know what you want, and you ain't getting any."

Boy, I've missed her teasing!

You might see a few marbles of a different color in the picture. Those are new additions to this year's game. There are three gold marbles and a dark blue marble, which is supposed to be black, but when coloring a marble black it came dark green, because of the glass and will be hard to distinguish from the green ones, so I temporarily assigned a dark blue one in it's place.

Here is the explanation of the marbles and their corresponding rules. The RED and GREEN marbles continue to mean the same, but I'm mentioning them here in case you don't know:


There are a number of different color marbles in a container. Each day I meet the conditions established by V, a green marble is deposited in the container and a red one is taken out. If I don't meet her conditions, the opposite happens, a red one in, a green one out. The proportion of colored marbles in the container, indicates my chances to have an orgasm. On a day when I add a red marble I definitely have no chance of having an orgasm and V can do with me as she pleases (including making me give her one orgasm or many). On a day when I earn a GREEN marble, V gets the choice of whether she wants sex or not, but instead of automatically allowing me to have an orgasm, she will draw a marble from the container. Green means "GO" and Red means "NO". Any limitations imposed by the marbles work only for me, not for her. She can always have as many orgasms as she pleases.


How to get it: At the beginning of the game, there will be 8 GREEN marbles in the container. Every day that I meet the conditions that V sets for the day, I get to add one (and remove a RED one). Every Sunday, there is a reset, and 5 GREEN marbles are turned into RED.

What it does: Whenever V draws a GREEN marble, I will be allowed to have an orgasm. V selects the time and the manner of this orgasm.


How to get it: At the beginning of the game, there will be 8 RED marbles in the container. Every day that I don't meet the conditions that V sets for the day, I have to add one (and remove a GREEN one). Every Sunday, there is a reset, and 5 GREEN marbles are turned into RED.

What it does: Whenever V draws a RED marble, I will not be allowed to have an orgasm. V then can ask for an alternative activity that ensures her enjoyment while leaving me denied.


How to get it: If and when the container gets to 100% GREEN marbles, I can, with V's approval, use 5 of them to "purchase" a GOLD marble. (5 RED marbles will be added in place of the 5 GREEN ones spent to maintain the total or RED and GREEN at 16) Since GOLD marbles are extras, you can have any number of them in the container at a time, but only one can be 'purchased' when the container fills.

What it does: Whenever V draws a GOLD marble, treat it as a GREEN marble, except that I get a prize from a list that I will maintain for this purpose. If the list is empty or no prize available is acceptable to V, the GOLD marble will just be treated like a GREEN one. Also, if a prize is more elaborate or require resources not available at the moment, the prize can be postponed to the next suitable opportunity. Once a GOLD marble has been drawn, it is out of the game.


How to get it: A unique BLACK marble will be added to the game. It will always be present in the container, representing a low, but constant risk.

What it does: Whenever V draws the BLACK marble, a period of denial will occur. These period of denial will be defined by duration, or by a certain pre-requisite that needs to be fulfilled by me before it can be over. During the period when the BLACK marble is in play, no other marbles can be drawn and any sexual activity will assume a RED marble. I will always maintain a list of at least 5 options for V to chose from or she can always make her own.


Sunday, May 12, 2013

(Even) Another Attempt

Things have become incredibly busy in our home. My full time job continues to be as demanding as usual, but now V has two jobs. Her freelancing job continues to thrive and she has continuous work until at lest September, even if she doesn't get any additional calls between now and then. I think I can say that this is a great blessing at a time when many people are without jobs. Her day job will be over in a week, and she already has another one lined up for after the summer (I think she starts in August) so no unemployment in our household.

These blessings have not come without a price however, and that price has been in our FLR efforts. Since V has been so busy, and our hours mostly non-compatible, I was not seeing enough of her and abstinence was becoming the norm. I stopped working out and we talked about the situation and we decided to call it quits with the orgasm denial. I could not afford to be denied in the once a week time I saw her. We have not played since January until now (May). I thought it was a lost cause and I'd never go back to play, and even took matters into my own hand a couple of times (or a little bit more) until now. Yeah, I know. Pessimist me taking over, like it tends to happen whenever I'm low on sexual stimulation. The worst part is that she asked me twice during this time if I wanted to play again and I refused


Let me explain. I was not rude or anything, I said something like this: "Honey, I love to play. I love it when you have control of my orgasms, but right now, I don't see you enough, and if I see you once in two weeks, and you deny me that one day, I'm not going to be getting anything that I need. No denial, because it is so rare, and no sex either, so instead, I'll get the worst of both worlds."

She understood. (I think)

Now, after having a period where Handy has given me more orgasms than V, I feel the lack of fulfillment again. It always comes back, that depressing feeling that keeps saying that everything is worthless and that there is nothing I can do to help it. Anyway, out of desperation I texted her with a request: "Would you play marbles with me again?"

She answered that she would, but not until her contract with her day job expired. I asked when does it expire and she said that her last day is Tuesday, May 14 and that we could begin again on that very same day.

I don't know how it's going to be, or anything, but I feel grateful that she's still willing to do this.

Next time I saw her, was the day after the messages, and after saying hello, she said "So, you are going to start working out again, eh?

I answered in the affirmative and added, "and anything else you may want".

So, here I am, getting ready to go to work (Sunday night work... yay... how exciting... ho-hum) while she is working (double ho-hum) and also wondering how we are going to do this. She seems to think that we will have more time and I have my doubts, but there is nothing I could do unless I decide to save forget the whole thing.

I need this thing and will have to resign myself to get whatever she is willing to give.

So this is another shot... another chance to get this moving in the right direction. I wonder how far we have fallen and how quickly we can recover. I need to be specially attentive and obedient in the first few weeks so she regains whatever confidence she may have lost.

I have two new colors of marbles that I want to introduce, and this might be a good time. She has hinted before at wanting to add other colors but not knowing what to do with them so I will be making an additional post here to describe them.

Now, I wish myself Good Luck...

Friday, January 11, 2013

Shopping for something sexual...

As you know, Miss V is away right now, on a business/pleasure trip. We can only have phone conversations for now, although I expect that she will be able to use skype during the weekend. I'm looking forward to see her, even if it is on the computer screen.

Yesterday, I was at work, having lunch when she sent me a photo. I opened it and saw her in a swimming suit, sitting on a rock, her had tilted back taking in the sun in a blue beach... This is January, for Pete's sake, but, where she is right now, there is plenty of warmth year-round.

"I'm so jealous," I said out loud to the only other person in our break room at work. Then, of course, I had to explain. Luckily, my wife also sent a picture of her face with the tropical paradise behind her, because no way I was going to show that dude the sexier image.

Miss V called when I was surfing for chastity devices online and asked what I was doing.

"Nothing in particular," I lied. "Just on the computer."

"And what are you looking at?"

"Meh, stuff..."

"What kind of stuff?" She insisted. "It's okay to look at stuff, I'm just curious..."

There was a metal chastity device right in front of my nose. Should I tell her? I wondered. Then I thought of yesterday's post and decided to just tell her. She was asking, anyway, right? On the other hand, I have never ever mentioned chastity devices to her and I think it deserves a personal conversation at the very least, not one over the phone from across time zones.

"Okay, you want to know?"

"Yes," she said.

"I'm shopping for something sexual," I said. "That I was hoping we could buy -"

"Oh, don't buy it," she interrupted before I could finish. "I already bought something... Well, not the same type of thing, but I have something anyway".

I was surprised. Unless she has installed some web monitoring software on my computer, she had no idea of what I was looking at, so I wonder what she thought. Lamely, and true to my ADHD, instead of continuing with my side of the story, I asked what she had bought. I think someone approached on her side of the line, because her tone changed and instead of telling me, or telling me that she would not tell me, she answered a different question.

"Well," she said. "I bought a hat for your son".

From there the conversation turned very tame from her side, which seems to confirm that someone was around, because the only other comment she made in reference to anything related to this blog was that I should make sure to continue working out, and that if I work out every day, I will see the rewards very soon.

So, there. I am working out every day and looking for the rewards. I'm also wondering what she bought. I know from a previous text message that she bought something red and tiny for her, but that it was actually for me, so I'm guessing some lingerie she's going to wear.

I think we may have reached a point where she might not get offended if I just tell her that I have been reading about orgasm control (which she already knows) and that one thing that is mentioned a lot and intrigues me is the use of chastity devices as a control mechanism. I'm sure at this point she will ask questions like : WTF? Chastity devices? How does THAT work? and we will have what will seem to be a neutral conversation about them, and I will show her a few images (from a tame site) and ask her what she thinks.

My prediction?

She will not say yes. Not off the bat like that.

She will either say "no", or she will say "I don't know" which I will take as "ask me again later, and I might say yes" (like when I presented her with the idea of the strapon).

I have the feeling that I will be wearing a chastity Device at some point soon... I may be wrong, though...

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Oh, what a fool I've been!!!!

As usual, during these times when V is away from home, my mind meanders to strange paths and I find myself wondering about life and the pursuit of happiness. And on these times, "happiness" tends to become synonymous with being under V's loving but firm authority. I realize that whether or not being subjected to V's power brings me happiness, what matters in reality is that I believe it does, so I feel energized to continue my lengthy quest for this holy grail. My mind gets muddled and full or questions when I'm on these moods, as you will see if you keep reading.

In order to move things along in the direction of that elusive "next level" (How to reach it, and how do I know when I get there?) I went to my e-library of D/s literature. I have a list of titles that I have obtained over the years, and while some have been more helpful than others, I think I have learned some things from most (Is this "learning" really helping me, or is it just creating unachievable expectations?). For the past two days I have been transcribing material from the Real Women Don't Do Housework site. I didn't alter anything, but just copied, pasted and formatted and came up with a 37 pages manuscript to hand over to Miss V (Do I dare do it this time, or will it be another one on my series of long agonizing hesitations?). My thought was that I was ready to come out completely, tell her that the game of marbles has been an experiment to test the waters, and that for my part I consider it successful in that now I KNOW that I want to submit to her, if she would take me.

I realize now that there is a problem with that.

You see? One of my D/s goals for the new year was to go back and read all my older blog entries to do two things:
  • Edit inappropriate content in preparation for possibly letting Miss V know about it.
  • Collect "best practices," things that have worked in the past but that I may have allowed to lapse, in order to make a concerted effort to bring them back.
While reviewing the older entries, I found that I have been actually very successful in my efforts. Some of the entries I've made in the past sound like coming from a guy several orders of magnitude wiser than me, and also more successful at instituting an FLR than I feel I've ever had. A comment about this later, but first, I made a startling discovery:

I can't really come out to Miss V about being submissive, because I already did...

What? Yeah, that's what I said too. I didn't even remember the BIG CONVERSATION, but when reading my older posts, I realized that I actually did what I wrote I did. Now, if you are interested, you can find that post RIGHT HERE. It is a rather lengthy post, but then again, I tend to ramble sometimes and it WAS a major milestone, even though I kind of forgot about it...

The most amazing thing is that right after coming out, Miss V actually enforced a measure of Dominance over the non-sexual part of me and controlled my orgasms unabashedly.

Here I am one year later, trying to muster the courage to do something I already did. How on earth did this happen? Where have I been that I didn't even remember this? How can I bring it back and make for the lost time?

The only thing that comes to mind that could have made me forget is that 2012 was a very rough year at work and I was having stress-related illnesses in addition to being injured twice (rather, my old injury flared up). In the ins and outs of all the stress, we slipped in our relationship and reverted to pasts patterns in some things. Luckily, not all, because Miss V. still holds my orgasms pretty much under control, except for the vacation she just gave me.

Upon realizing this, and remembering that Miss V has actually accepted my submissive nature already (which explains why later in the year she agreed to spank me, take me from behind with the strapon and more recently tie me up) I also realized what a fool I have been.

I already took the most difficult step in getting to an FLR, and didn't capitalize on it.
Well, at the very moment of this realization, I decided to do something about it. The very first thing I did was to text Miss V. and told her "I want to make you happy".
"How?" she texted back almost instantly. With the time difference, I think she was in bed already.
"Anyway you want," I texted. "But right now, making love to you sounds good."
"I already want to go home!" and then "<3 p="p">
So, here I sit, looking back at a lucky, wise and successful guy and hardly believing that it is actually me. Now, before you go thinking that it is not possible for a guy to forget that he came out, let me tell you that because of my ADD, I have an extraordinary ability to forget stuff, especially when there is a lot of stress or not enough sleep, which are some of the hallmarks of 2012 for me. I have forgotten big things before, like a college class I didn't go to for about 6 weeks or a girlfriend I used to have. My family still teases me about that one.
Anyway, back to the wise guy. I read some stuff in there, some resolutions that I made, some intentions and plans that I had, and definitely need to bring back. This post, however, has past the point of tolerance for lengthy articles, so I will stop with the rambling now.
I have a few more days, until Miss V comes back on Monday, so I can plan a little more on how to do this, and also get 5 more green marbles in my container, which right now only has 2 (Miss V suggested that we made it all red as the price of my vacation, and while at first I insisted on a 50% distribution, reason got the best of me and I went back to her and told her that her idea was better and I wanted her to do as she had suggested originally).
I'll probably post some more about this matter before then.
Oh, what a fool I've been!!!

Monday, January 7, 2013

Miss V is away.

Miss V left this morning on a business trip. She will be gone for a week, and I have to stay home to care for the kids. This business trip is convenient for her because she will get to spend some time with her folks, who live in the area, but it will be hard for me to have a week without her.

V left me a list of instructions for things she needs me to do, but they are mostly for making sure the kids stay alive and go to school. I expect this to be a very vanilla week.

In terms of our orgasm denial, Miss V decided that after my vacation, all my marbles will be red, and I have a week, starting today, to place up to 7 green marbles in the container. This presupposes that there will be no reset (where we take 5 out) this Sunday, a detail that didn't occur to any of us when we talked. Needless to say, I'll do whatever she says.

Coming from a 2-week vacation from orgasm denial, I can say that I'm looking forward to start again. True, the first week, between December 25 and January 1, we had sex on 6 out of 7 nights, all with orgasms for both of us, but I think that the excitement of me being suddenly free wore off for her, because on the second week, even though I wanted to continue the sex-spree, Miss V reverted to old patterns of not feeling sexy or erotic at all, and just ignoring me for the most part. This is how things were before she started denying me, so I know something in my sexually-satiated behavior drives her away, and it probably is my lack of romanticism.

It was in this context that she said that our sex is better when I am in denial. (She didn't use those words, but said that "it works better when we play the game"). I happily reported that in my previous post, but it may have been premature because afterwards, she became very casual and said that she didn't care if we did orgasm denial or not, that it was the same for her, and that I'd have to tell her if I wanted to stop or continue. I said please continue and she said OK, so I'm encouraged that she is going to continue, but have lost some of the exuberant hope to take things to the next level.

I guess there are a couple of reasons why the relationship works better in her view when I'm in orgasm denial, which coincide with what some of the more serious sources say:

  1. I have given her permission to not HAVE to have sex unless she wants to (she actually used the word 'permission' in this context before, and I wrote about it)
  2. I have paid more attention to her in our daily lives. I have been pursuing and courting her consistently.
I wish there were more reasons, but I think the idea of all the power that she has (and she has noticed the amount of power available) is a little intimidating to her, because she doesn't want to abuse it. I need to make sure that I remain vigilant and constant in showing her love, gratitude and appreciation.

For now, she just called to let me know that she arrived at her destination safely and that is too tired to talk, so she hung up.

We'll see how it goes without her...

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Orgasmic Vacation...

I have been very limited in my private time during the holidays, and my computer is located in a public area of the house (bad decision, getting a desktop, I know) so I have not been able to post anything for a few weeks.

First things first: I reset the orgasm counter on this page on January 1, as planned. My new year's resolution is to give Miss V. 200 orgasms in 2013. This may be high, but I think that if I am disciplined enough to encourage her playing more often, and if she continues to have 2 or 3 orgasms when I'm denied, it might be an achievable goal.

So, we have been on an orgasm denial hiatus for the past two weeks. When Miss V asked me what I wanted for Christmas I said that I wanted sex, so she offered to stop our orgasm denial game for a week, between Christmas and New Year's Day, but then decided to extend it to 2 weeks, until January 7, when she will leave on a business trip. This means that we have been having sex almost daily, with full orgasms for me, and I still have a few more days of "freedom" ahead.

Looking back, I have to say that I have enjoyed it very much. Miss V. has worn sexy outfits to bed almost every night, and I have been voracious in my appetite for her. During these past week and a half, I have not mentioned orgasm denial, but she has, and repeatedly, which I consider a good sign.

She has mentioned several times that on the day she leaves, our game starts again, and that I have one week to accumulate as many green marbles as I can, because when she returns there will be a surprise, and she hopes it will be a good surprise, not a bad one.

One day, while I was doing what I thought was perfectly acceptable foreplay, Miss V told me that she was not in the mood and that I was not helping. Then she said something that I'm still ruminating.

"This is the reason why it is better when we play the game," she said. "Because when you are playing, you talk sexy to me all day, and it gets me in the mood."

I guess is her way of saying that she has found some benefit in me being under our arrangement, which is a good thing. The real good thing is that now she WANTS to begin again, and I have not had to push or anything, so our position has gained some leverage in the sense that now she knows she wants to control my orgasms at least a little, and I'm not the only one wanting this.

One thing I've been doing during this free time, is collecting all the rules and changes and adaptations that we have made to our game so I can have them in one place. I am writing them down (on paper) and when I'm done, I'll give them to Miss V. for revision and will publish them here. This will help maintain a clear idea of what we are doing and what we need to change. It will also help me articulate some things that we have been "doing" but have not really "agreed" to, and some things that we have agreed to without being very specific. I want to present the rules to Miss V. electronically while she is on her trip, so that they are reviewed and fully in place by the time she returns.

The next stage if our arrangement is for Miss V to acknowledge and verbalize her control over me. I know she is ready for this, and hope that it comes sooner rather than later. However, contrary to the old days when I was hoping for her to go into some unknown territory unguided and without any idea of what I hoped, this time, things are different, because having left the proverbial closet, I have been very open in sharing my fantasies with her, and slowly, she has begun to enjoy the benefits as well.

So 5 more free days before I go on a week of abstinence (her trip) and who knows what afterwards (the game resumes)

Now that the visits are over, and people go back to their normal lives, I might be able to post a little more, so see you soon...