Monday, January 11, 2010


It was our wedding anniversary this week.

I took my Mistress to a nice restaurant. she was very happy with the place. It was the most romantic dinner we have ever had.

After dinner, we were going to the movies, but Mistress said she was tired and wanted to go back to the house, unless I "really wanted to go to the movies". Of course I told her that we'd go home as she wished.

At home we cuddled to a movie. We had sex earlier in the day, so it was not an expectation at this time.
When we had sex, she pulled a head massager and used it on me. The head massager makes my body tingle with pleasure as she uses it on my head and she calls it "torture" so I feel submissive as she uses it on me. She also loves it when I use it on her, so I also did. It is an amazing little toy and it's very powerful, especially is you consider that it costs so little. You can get it from Amazon for a little over $10.00, but a friend bought one for me from a store called Bed Bath & Beyond for only $3.99 and it's the same exact model. (Amazon has others). If the picture is not visible, just know that it is not an electric "toy" but a wire thing that looks like an egg beater that has been cut open at the ends (and those ends dipped in plastic to eliminate their sharp edges)
I don't know when my Mistress will offer or ask for "torture" again, but it now has a privileged spot by our bed side table.
If only I could muster the strength to serve my Mistress better...
By the way, this very night I was denied sex by her, not in a very dominant way, but not in an apologetic tone either. She simply said "I am going to sleep now, honey" and I accepted it as her will, even though I want her bad. She usually tells me that I can "take her" in the morning, but that is usually a short endeavor with ehr being basically passive, so I don't really favor it unless I'm very horny. Also, during the week, I don't really have much time or energy in the early mornings.
I may or may not "take her" tomorrow morning.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

On self spanking...

As I said on a previous post, I have desires for physical punishment. Contrary to my desires for submission, that I try to gradually open up to my Mistress, my desires for punishment are much more delicate, since I think that Mistress is not going to see that with good eyes. Over the years, I have tried to punish myself in different ways, but the punishment never reached a satisfying end. This all changed this year.

I was searching the Internet for information on self-punishing and my search result pointed to a blog where someone mentioned pre-recorded instructions for self punishment. Sadly, when I clicked on the link, the blog had been taken offline and that particular post was not in the cached version, so I only had the tittle and nothing else.

I gave the issue some thought. How would it be if I could write a script for a punishment session and then play it back on my MP3 player as I followed the instructions? At first, I thought it would not work, but one day, while on a work related trip away from Mistress V, I decided to try it.

My reasons for suddenly wanting to try a recording are complex, but in their most simplistic expression they can be reduced to this:

1) I was horny as hell because I was away from Mistress.
2) I did not want to be "unfaithful" to mistress by masturbating (as a submissive, it gives me great pain to be so weak as to not be able to control myself for her)
3) I was about to fail her as I started to play with myself in my hotel room.
4) I felt that only a punishment would take my mind away from "consummating" my failure.
5) I had tried many different ways of self-punishment and they always ended in masturbation anyway...

So, armed with a deep desire for punishment and a deep horniness, I grabbed a paper and began to write a script. The script had instructions for me to follow, things for me to repeat and counts for the number of strokes I was to give myself. After writing what I considered was a lengthy "scene" I laid down and recorded everything on my MP3 player.

I tried the scene out and for the first time in my whole life I was able to punish myself to the point where I would feel it the next day. The session, it turned out was not long at all, so the next day, even though my buttocks were still sore, I wrote a new, shorter script that did not have an end (to be played continuously) and another one with the ending. At the end of the first track I ask a few questions about my submissive desires and about wanting to remain chaste to Mistress V. If I can honestly answer them to the positive, I press next and go to the last track, where I plant suggestions about how to be a better husband and a better submissive. If I am not "ready", meaning I still want to masturbate or watch porn or something, I have to let the player repeat the track one more time.

The first time I used the three-track version (the original plays first, because it has an introduction of sorts) I used the second track two or three times and by the end of it, I was shaking with pleasure, my ass was red and hot and I had absolutely no desire to play with myself any longer. For the rest of my trip (it was relatively long) I did not masturbate once, and ever since I came back I have only done it twice, which is a great deal, considering that once upon a time I was doing it every day and some days more than once.

My feelings of submissiveness for Mistress V increased during that time and I was so sure I would come home to be a better husband, but of course, even the best laid plans cannot survive an encounter with reality. When I am home, and can't punish myself to my deepest satisfaction, I end up getting moody and lazy. I believe I need the control I crave. I think that when Mistress V becomes the caring Dominant of my dreams, I will not have need to try to balance my own life with substitutes, but for now, I believe that I have found in self punishment an alternative to avoid the feelings of guilt associated with masturbation while at the same time preserving all my sexual energy to please my Mistress, which is after all, my ultimate goal as a submissive.

Today, I feel like I should get some punishment, but everyone is home, so it's not going to happen. Additionally, Mistress already told me that if I want her I should "take her" before she becomes too tired. Choosing between taking her and taking a punishment, of course I choose her.

See you later...

Mistress V is too tired...

I was not a good submissive today.

When I arrived home from work, Mistress was cleaning the bathroom. I asked her what else she had to do, with all the intention of helping her, but I was so tired (excuse...) I did not help her and that cost me, because Mistress was way too tired to have intercourse with me.

I am upset, not at her, like I would have been a few months ago, but at myself for being so lazy. I really need to focus more on having adequate sleep so I can have energy to help her in her tasks. If I don't serve willingly, I can't expect to turn her dominance on.

So, I can say that today was a failed day.

I feel that my behavior deserves punishment. Yes, since Mistress V does not punish me, sometimes I self-punish. I discovered that doing it myself was not fully satisfying until I discovered, quite by accident a method that actually leaves me shaking, trembling and almost crying (making myself cry would be a sign of success for me, since I consider it almost impossible) . I will leave the details of my self-punishing method for a separate post, but today I can't really do anything, because there is no privacy in my house. Mistress V. is asleep in our bed and there are kids all over the house.

One reason I am not updet at Mistress V is that I am finally beginning to understand that it is totally my fault that she is not "in the mood", so I should take the consequence like a man. There is another reason, though. If I claim to be a submissive, and proclaim my willingness to have Mistress V control every aspect of my life, inclusing my sex life, I have to get used to the idea of not having sex any time I want, but every time SHE wants.

This realization may still be worth the day.

See you,

V's boy.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Back in the fray

I had computer problems and could not log in to my email account and they cancelled, which caused that I could not log in to my blogger account, so I basically had to rebuild the blog from scratch. Luckily I had not posted too many things, so it was not that hard. The only problem I see is that there were two people who had commented on the page and now they are lost to me.

Maybe I will try to comment on the old page and point people to the new page.

Anyway, I am going to try to answer two questions in this post:

1) Why am I back?

2) What has been going on for the past couple of months?

Okay, here we go.

First, I am back because even though my relationship with Mistress V has not evolved in the recent times, I feel like we get along better, and we don't argue as much. I feel like I would still like to steer this marriage towards her becoming my caring dominant. I also feel that whiole I was blogging, I had more motivation and energy to do whatever would please V and that would make me not only a better submissive, but also a better man.

Second, the short answer is "not much". Our relationship continues to be vanilla, although Mistress V seems a little more comfortable asking for sex than before. I still have to initiate most sexual encounters, though. During the last couple of months I have made great efforts to remain chaste for Mistress V, and have failed her only twice. Today I almost failed her, but I decided to be a man and "hold it in"or her. I am hoping that we will have sex tonight and don't want to ruin it by masturbating.

Another thing that has changed a little is that she is becoming a little more 'rough' in sex. She has been biting more, scratching more and squeezing my nipples. The biting my chest is leaving marks as is the scratching on the back, but the nipple thing is very soft, not enough for me, but I am not about to tel her that yet. Sometimes the back scratching is so hard it makes me shudder in pleasure, but it has not happenned too often. The last time we had sex she sucked on my nipple and it felt so good, I moaned. she did more of it and I was having an orgasm in no time.

Tomorrow is our wedding aniversary and in good old-fashioned husbandly manner, I forgot to get her something. I wish I had remembered before so I could buy some stuff to give her a pedicure. I adore her feet. I don't know what I will do tomorrow, but almost for sure I will bring her flowers and if she's not too tired I will take her to watch a movie.

I have to go now, but I hope I will be able to post something soon.

See you...

V's Boy

Mixed Results

NOTE: Originally posted September 2009
Includes 2 comments that were posted to the blog and I could not reply to.

I have not been posting for a while and thought I should update the blog with what has been going on recently.

For the most part I have not been able to keep up with my own commitment to become Mistress V's submissive. There are a few reasons for this

I have not been exactly enthused with her commands
I have been lazy
I have not dared present her with an honest request or even a copy of the book
Let's see them one at a time:


Mistress V has given me commands, not in the authoritative way I would love, but she has done it. she has told me to do things here and there and has even gone so far as to say that i am to do as she said because I am "a good boy". The problem is that I have not been consistent in my servitude to her. True, I have done as she requested, but with few exceptions, I have done it without enthusiasm. There may be two or three exceptions, such as the other day when she asked me to do several things in succession and I thanked her. She said "Thank me? I should be the one thanking you!" to which I said "I love you and love serving you and when you tell me exactly how I can do that, I love it. Thank you." This is the closest I have ever come to a confession. but I have not been consistent. i know exactly the root cause for this lack of consistency: I have had too many orgasms. Most of them self inflicted. I totally have to start exercising self control and leave the habit of masturbation. I think that is I were consistent in my servitude, Mistress V's Dominance might awaken. I think I have seen hints of it somewhere.


I have not been consistent in my undercover servitude. I have done some things, but not enough. I think this is not as serious as number 1, but it would really strengthen the message that I really want to be in her service.


I printed a copy of Around her Finger, which is the most vanilla book on Female Dominance there is. Actually the book doesn't even mention the word dominance at all, but I have not dared giving it to her. I am afraid of doing it, and my fear is that she may reject me as she rejects my offer to submit to her. I know this may be an irrational fear, but it is there nevertheless and I don't know what I'd do if she rejects me like that. It is like a deep, deep part of me and it feels vulnerable and sensitive, exactly the part of the male psyche that we men try to protect throughout all our lives.


I don't think I will dare to deal with number 3 for now, so I have to work on 1 and 2. I will try to be more consistent in serving her and be more enthusiastic when she "orders me around" I need to keep telling her that I adore serving her and being told how to do it.

Posted by V's boy at 8:42 PM


subservient-husband said...

I was scared too. I couldn't take the stealth submission any more. I e-mailed her a link to the around-her-finger web site and wrote, "I think this is me". I felt from there it is her choice how to proceed. I found the initial phase very vanilla, but even this was her decision and as such, fulfilling to my submissive nature. Recently, which is about seven months later, she has begun to feel more comfortable with more authoritative control.

About your response, I can confirm that the more you are obedient to her requests with enthusiasm, the more she will make requests. The more she is angry at you and you submit to her and agree with her opinion, the more comfortable she will be in her authority. At least that is what I have found.

IMHO, you should tell her and let her decide how to proceed and then submit to whatever that may be.

September 29, 2009 3:13 AM

At all Times said...

I agree with SH above, but understand very well your dilemma. I have never been as open with my wife, but overtime I think I have got my message across. A word of warning though, if your wife is like most other vanilla women, your submission will not be easy for her to understand. It is also very likely that she will not want a slave, or servant, at least not ion the way that you may fantasise about.

Loving female authority, and the doctrine put forward by aroundherfinger are definitley the way to go, and at sometime you will have to tell your wife more of how you feel. A campaign of stealth submission, small hints, and little real communication are going to lead to some confusion, many many ups and downs, and a much longer harder route than if you just sit down and explain how you feel. Asking your wife to look at the book or website will help start to explian your position but eventually you will haver to talk.

Whatever you do good luck, I will be following your journey with interest. I have posted loads of advice on my own blog, and if nothing else by reading it you, you may at least learn something from my mistakes.

Good Luck

September 30, 2009 7:42 AM

Saturday of Servitude

NOTE: First posted June 28, 2009

Saturday was my day off, so I had more time in my hands and decided to step up a notch in my attempts to seduce Mistress V's dominance through my submissiveness. She was having her period, so I knew that she would not assume that I being nice because I "was trying to score".

Early in the morning, I went upstairs and fixed her a breakfast, which I brought beck and served to her in bed. During the day I did some shopping for her and went to pick up something that a friend wanted to give her. On my way back I brought her flowers. I did the dishes as well. It felt good to do these things for her.

There are two items of note, While she was on the table working on her laptop, I stood behind her and intended to give her a backrub, but she bend her head sideways and pointed to her neck. That is her signal for me to bite her right there (softly) which I immediately did. She moaned with pleasure and I told her that I loved when she let me know she was enjoying herself (she is very quiet during sex). I asked her if she wanted anything else and she pointed to the other side of her neck, so I proceeded to do the same. When I finished, I asked her again and she said "Your services are no longer required". I smiled and said, "thank you, my queen".

Later that night, when she was laying on bed (still working on her laptop) I sat by her feet and began to give her a foot massage. I wasnted so bad to lick and kiss her feet, but I retrained myself, because that may scare Mistress V, so I only gave her a massage and kissed her feet twice. While I was doing it, I asked V if I was bothering her and she said no.

After I was finished, I covered her feet with the blanket and stood up to go around to my side of the bed.

"Thank you," I said to her.

"No," she said with a smile. "Thank you."

"No, it was my pleasure," I insisted. "I get pleasure from pleasing you, do you believe it?"

"I guess I do," she said.

Then I pointed to my underpants, where my erection was bulging and she could clearly see that they were wet with my precum.

"Believe me," I insisted. "I get pleasure from giving you pleasure."

All in all I think it was a good day. It could have been better, but it was good.
This morning, I gave her breakfast in bed again, and was set up for another day of servitude, but I acted up in my weakness and stimulated myself to orgasm in the bathroom. I wish I was not so weak and could keep myself chaste for Mistress V.

Nothing Tonight

Note: Originally posted on June 26, 2009

I did not have any type of affection from Mistress V today. She talked to me nicely, asked me to pick a kid from school, which I did. Asked me to put the garbage and recycling out, which I did, asked me to take care of my daughter while she went to swimming lessons with the older kids, which I did.

She was too busy and did not even talk to me at night. I was busy too, and now she's asleep and I want her and can't have her.

One of my fears about giving her the reins of my sex life is that I will not get any sex at all.

I may be exagerating, I don't know, but she has very little need for sex and her desire seems more an attempt to please me than anything else, so I'm afraid that if I gave her the key to my sexuality, she would lock it and place the key in a place so secure that no one would ever find it.

She stayed awake until midnight, when I finished what I was doing and then told me that she was cold because the thick blanket was in the dryer. Without waiting to be asked, I went for it and noticed that the other one was wet, so I took one and placed the other one in the drier. When I came back, V asked me if I had put the wet blanket in the Dryer. I said yes and covered her with the dry blanket. She said thank you and went to sleep.

No sex, no teasing, not even kissing or domination. Just a man trying to please his wife. I wonder how this will turn out.

V's boy

A new Journey begins... Where to?

Note: This post was originally made in June 25, 2009

I guess this is my 'hello world' post, so allow me to introduce myself.

I am V's boy, a name that implies that I want to enter into a female-led relationship with my wife, who I will refer to as 'V' or 'Mistress V'. I live in a California suburb, have a good paying job with lots of authority, and in general show myself to the world as a leader.

In my private life, however, I've been holding a secret. I have strong feelings of submissiveness to a loving female authority. I have been reading books on the matter and searching the Internet for information, but most results turn out to be pornography, something that I find objectionable due to moral principle.

For the longest time I have lived with feelings of inadequacy, feeling that my submissive feelings were 'unmanly', immoral or deviant. It was not until early this year when I discovered Caring Domination from (website to follow) and learned that my feelings are not as exceptional as I thought. I also learned that my kinks have a cause, that my submission to a caring dominant could help me become a better person.

It was an incredibly liberating discovery.

The mere fact that I could aspire to have a loving female authority guide me and still be the man that I figure myself to be, gave me great joy.

I later learned more about the concepts I was interested about from a couple of websites, particularly Around her Finger (Website to follow).

At this point, I am not practicing the principles I have learned. The dream of submitting to my wife and enter into a wife-led marriage is being counterbalanced by fear.

I fear rejection from a very traditional wife, not only of the principles, but personal rejection as well. I don't think my wife would accept the concept if it was presented to her in the cold, so for a couple months now, I have been practicing "hidden submission".

Hidden submission is not fully satisfying for me because I crave for her authority and that requires her acknowledgment of the fact that she has power over me. I crave her control and her guidance, but that is not as forthcoming as I would like to see it. She has noticed that a couple of things have changed around here, such as we have not have an argument for a long time, I have not been whining for sex (something I apparently used to do all the time, even involuntarily) and I have been helping a little more around the house.

I have not taken a more active submissive role, even though I want to, mainly because I get discouraged easily by the lack of guidance, so this creates a vicious cycle, where I want to do things, but feel discouraged by lack of guidance, but since I am probably doing a little more than I used to do before, my wife doesn't feel that she needs to guide me, so she doesn't. My lack of enthusiasm then causes her to lack it as well.

I have made the decision to create this journal for several reasons:

I have seen many journals like this one and have seen how peer support can motivate one to keep going when the "road gets tough". I hope that the community will discover this journal and comment on it.
Make my thoughts clear. Sometimes I am not sure how to describe my feelings and putting them in writing could help me figure them out. Sometimes I don't even know if I am truly submissive or just going through a phase. I hope that this journal will help me figure that out.
To keep a record of my progress and have a realistic view of the status of my relationship. I think that writing overtime can help me "see the forest" while walking among "the trees". I think it would be interesting to look at this later, if I keep it going and see how the story unfolded.
One day, I wish to make V aware of the full extent of my feelings for her. That day, when I fearlessly submit all my being to her leadership, I hope I will dare to let her read these things. Let's say this could become my confession journal.
I think that I have written enough for an introduction. If you happen to stumble upon this journal by accident, feel free to leave comments and suggestions.

At this point, as the tittle of this post suggest, I don't know the destination of this journey, but I hope I can figure it out along the way.

V's boy