I have not been posting for a while and thought I should update the blog with what has been going on recently.
For the most part I have not been able to keep up with my own commitment to become Mistress V's submissive. There are a few reasons for this
I have not been exactly enthused with her commands
I have been lazy
I have not dared present her with an honest request or even a copy of the book
Let's see them one at a time:
Mistress V has given me commands, not in the authoritative way I would love, but she has done it. she has told me to do things here and there and has even gone so far as to say that i am to do as she said because I am "a good boy". The problem is that I have not been consistent in my servitude to her. True, I have done as she requested, but with few exceptions, I have done it without enthusiasm. There may be two or three exceptions, such as the other day when she asked me to do several things in succession and I thanked her. She said "Thank me? I should be the one thanking you!" to which I said "I love you and love serving you and when you tell me exactly how I can do that, I love it. Thank you." This is the closest I have ever come to a confession. but I have not been consistent. i know exactly the root cause for this lack of consistency: I have had too many orgasms. Most of them self inflicted. I totally have to start exercising self control and leave the habit of masturbation. I think that is I were consistent in my servitude, Mistress V's Dominance might awaken. I think I have seen hints of it somewhere.
I have not been consistent in my undercover servitude. I have done some things, but not enough. I think this is not as serious as number 1, but it would really strengthen the message that I really want to be in her service.
I printed a copy of Around her Finger, which is the most vanilla book on Female Dominance there is. Actually the book doesn't even mention the word dominance at all, but I have not dared giving it to her. I am afraid of doing it, and my fear is that she may reject me as she rejects my offer to submit to her. I know this may be an irrational fear, but it is there nevertheless and I don't know what I'd do if she rejects me like that. It is like a deep, deep part of me and it feels vulnerable and sensitive, exactly the part of the male psyche that we men try to protect throughout all our lives.
WHAT TO DO NOW:
I don't think I will dare to deal with number 3 for now, so I have to work on 1 and 2. I will try to be more consistent in serving her and be more enthusiastic when she "orders me around" I need to keep telling her that I adore serving her and being told how to do it.
Posted by V's boy at 8:42 PM
I was scared too. I couldn't take the stealth submission any more. I e-mailed her a link to the around-her-finger web site and wrote, "I think this is me". I felt from there it is her choice how to proceed. I found the initial phase very vanilla, but even this was her decision and as such, fulfilling to my submissive nature. Recently, which is about seven months later, she has begun to feel more comfortable with more authoritative control.
About your response, I can confirm that the more you are obedient to her requests with enthusiasm, the more she will make requests. The more she is angry at you and you submit to her and agree with her opinion, the more comfortable she will be in her authority. At least that is what I have found.
IMHO, you should tell her and let her decide how to proceed and then submit to whatever that may be.
September 29, 2009 3:13 AM
At all Times said...
I agree with SH above, but understand very well your dilemma. I have never been as open with my wife, but overtime I think I have got my message across. A word of warning though, if your wife is like most other vanilla women, your submission will not be easy for her to understand. It is also very likely that she will not want a slave, or servant, at least not ion the way that you may fantasise about.
Loving female authority, and the doctrine put forward by aroundherfinger are definitley the way to go, and at sometime you will have to tell your wife more of how you feel. A campaign of stealth submission, small hints, and little real communication are going to lead to some confusion, many many ups and downs, and a much longer harder route than if you just sit down and explain how you feel. Asking your wife to look at the book or website will help start to explian your position but eventually you will haver to talk.
Whatever you do good luck, I will be following your journey with interest. I have posted loads of advice on my own blog, and if nothing else by reading it you, you may at least learn something from my mistakes.
September 30, 2009 7:42 AM