Thursday, January 7, 2010

Mistress V is too tired...

I was not a good submissive today.

When I arrived home from work, Mistress was cleaning the bathroom. I asked her what else she had to do, with all the intention of helping her, but I was so tired (excuse...) I did not help her and that cost me, because Mistress was way too tired to have intercourse with me.

I am upset, not at her, like I would have been a few months ago, but at myself for being so lazy. I really need to focus more on having adequate sleep so I can have energy to help her in her tasks. If I don't serve willingly, I can't expect to turn her dominance on.

So, I can say that today was a failed day.

I feel that my behavior deserves punishment. Yes, since Mistress V does not punish me, sometimes I self-punish. I discovered that doing it myself was not fully satisfying until I discovered, quite by accident a method that actually leaves me shaking, trembling and almost crying (making myself cry would be a sign of success for me, since I consider it almost impossible) . I will leave the details of my self-punishing method for a separate post, but today I can't really do anything, because there is no privacy in my house. Mistress V. is asleep in our bed and there are kids all over the house.

One reason I am not updet at Mistress V is that I am finally beginning to understand that it is totally my fault that she is not "in the mood", so I should take the consequence like a man. There is another reason, though. If I claim to be a submissive, and proclaim my willingness to have Mistress V control every aspect of my life, inclusing my sex life, I have to get used to the idea of not having sex any time I want, but every time SHE wants.

This realization may still be worth the day.

See you,

V's boy.

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