Thursday, June 12, 2014
Focusing on Others
Recently, I've been working with an online slave trainer, called Mistress Lina, who challenged me to write about focusing on others. This is what she said:
Your registration number is: XXX
Your first step is to try let go of your ego and focus on other people (family, friends or me). You can write about it when you feel you have made some progress. Letting go of 'I want' is not easy and might take some time and effort.
So, I thought: Whoa! This is way too easy! I wanted her to... and then it hit me. I was starting on the "I want" wagon right away. For the next couple of days, I considered the diference between trying to tell a mistress how you want her to dominate you, versus accepting her control in any way that she chooses to exercise it.
I came to one conclusion: True submissiveness is not easy. To think purely in the sense of "What she wants" and not in terms of my own personal desires is not easy. You have to step out of your shoes and into hers. Does she really want to have a man kneeling in front of her licking her feet? Maybe some women do, but Miss V definitely doesn't and when she allows it to happen, it is a gift she gives me, and not a service to her in any way. One time when I asked her what she really wanted, she said "an immaculate kitchen". That day I worked really hard to make the kitchen as clean as she wated it, and when she came home, she told me that I had done well, and when we went to the bedroom, she drew a marble, which was red. She told me she was too tired to enjoy herself, so she would save the red bead for the morning. In the interim, she said, I could get the cream and give her a foot rub while I though about how much SHE was going to enjoy in the morning.
There was a truly dominating act from Miss V (I even got to kiss her feet that night) that came about when I refrained from going after what I wanted and really did what SHE wanted. For the most part, however, I still have much to learn in terms of focusing in her needs and desires instead of my fantasies. I already have the marbles game, which Miss V plays heartily, and this gives me denial. Now I have to make a better effort of forgetting my "selfish self" and focusing more perfectly in her needs and wants.
Mistress Lina said: A fake dominant, serves the slave and takes his money; a true Dominant is served by the slaves and the slaves are happy because they served her.
So in essence, in both cases there is give and take, but only one of them can bring lastign satisfaction.
I think I'm about getting ready to answer Mistress Lina's challenge.