Monday, December 15, 2014

A Little Down, a Little Confused


I have not had sex in almost a month now.

No, it's not a period od denial. it's just no sex. I told my wife that I needed some and she told me that I liked not getting any... Have I given her the wrong impression?

I have been cranky, lazy, rude, innattentive, have been eating too much, watching porn, masturbating, talking back to my wife... You get the idea.  In short, if I had decided to do everything possible to not to follow my own advice, this is how I'd behave.

I have no excuse other than to admit that I am a jerk that needs to be controlled externally. For years I thought that I wanted it, and now, after having tasted some of it, as little as it was, I realized that I need it. To try to remember my goals and my feelings, I'm working on the new blog. I made two new posts:

The One Rule
What I can give to Victoria

Today, when I arrived I tried to kiss my wife and she didn't let me at first because I was too cold (coming from outside as I was) so she blew on my lips before kissing me very lightly. Then she blew on my ears, one at a time and told me "You just got a blow job".  Sadly I could not answer that I wanted a real one because my daughter was right there. My wife's timing was perfect. SHe gets to say something and by the time I react, we are in public.

Now she's gone again, and I'm alone (with the internet), I have not masturbated for 48 hours. I feel like a loser, but I don't think that wallowing in my misery is going to make things better.

When I first asked V to exercise orgasm control on me it was with the excuse that I needed encouragement to lose weight. Perhaps I can pull it off again, but I don't know.  She has no problem saying no anymore, which is what I wanted, but now she doesn't tease.

How do I explain this?

I need the tease to proviode the energy to do what I need to do...

To be continued.

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