Part 1: Caught in the ActIt was Sunday morning. Victoria had woken up early and I found the bed empty besides me when I did. I sighed and thought about all things that are not happening, and felt like an idiot remembering those days a couple years back when I could have all the sex I wanted but I was unhappy because I wanted her to dominate me.
My thoughts strayed as they usually do when I'm alone with them for a while, and evolved into fantasies as I started to masturbate. The door was closed and the house was quiet. I edged myself and stopped, wondering if I should just finish it and go along with my day. Yes, I decided. I will take care of this, like Victoria wants and then be able to go outside and be on a better mood.
I was pretty darned excited when all of a sudden the door opened and Victoria walked in, catching me with my slippery penis held with both hands.
"You want me to lock the door?" she asked, unfazed.
My face must have gone from red to purple.
"Can you help me?" I asked, cursing inwardly at the lame sound of my own voice. It was the first time I had spoken that morning and the voice came out more a pathetic whimper than usual. .
She looked at me for a second or two. I totally expected that she was going to say no, but she answered with a question of her own.
"Can you wait?"
I said yes, and she told me that she would be back when she was ready. I don't know how long it was, because I think I may have slipped into sleep for a few minutes there, but she came back and told me to uncover.
"You didn't keep it hard for me," she said looking at my now flaccid member. "You have to keep it hard for me."
"I will," I said, now that I knew.
She told me to get comfortable and gave me a relatively short blowjob, probably just with the intention of shortening the time the handjob would take and then proceeded to take the lotion and do her thing.
Several times she played and placed pressure on my ass, which got me very excited, but then she pulled back, never really entering. I don't know why, but she used to insert her fingers in my ass before, but she has not done it for years (even though now she totally fucks me with the strapon). This back and forth actually caused a delay in the process and she ended up playing with my penis longer than she should have need to.
Eventually she got tired and had me finish the job with my hand while she rubbed my balls and my ass with her other hand. She cuddled with me for a little while, which made me feel closer to her and less depressed. I have been depressed recently because of my lack of closeness with Victoria and my fantasies with my Ex.
Part 2: A dangerous invitationWhich brings me to today. Yes, it is Thursday, and we met again. She wanted to go to the Indian restaurant and of course, just like it was those many years ago when I knew nothing about my own submissiveness, what she wants, she gets. I had a curry made with pistachios. Pretty good. She had a vegetarian dish that I can't pronounce, much less remember. She's no vegetarian, she reminded me, but she liked the ingredients listed on the menu, so went for it.
The lunch went mostly uneventful. She didn't mention anything related to the subject of this blog while we were in the restaurant, and didn't even wear the boots she had word last week, even though she had said she would. I didn't ask why, because I don't want to give her the impression that I am asking her to wear them (which she probably would). After we paid, separately, even though I offer to pay, and walked out she asked me a startling question.
"Want to go to my place Friday night?"
OK, here is where I need to be really honest with myself. I was wondering if something like this was about to happen. I mean, come on! I'm not an idiot! This woman used to suck and swallow me every night! She is not the same girl she was back then, but she has been seeing me for lunch for the last , what, five weeks? Four?
I declined, politely. Why was it so hard? (And not only talking about the decision to say no)
She smiled. Knowingly.
"It's not what you think," she said. "My baby is going to be home, you two can meet. I just want to catch on and talk about things, These lunches go by so fast and there is always people around. I want to get to know you again... be friends."
Oh, the irony...
When I broke up with her that long time ago, she told me that she wanted to continue being friends and I said that I could not be her friend, because after all we had been through together we were "all or nothing". Yep. I actually said that. The wisdom of the ages...
"I'll wear the boots," she said musically, sticking her tongue out at me when I looked.
"You've always worried too much," she said when I said I could not. "Look, I'm not trying to seduce you. I promise. If that changes you'll be the first to know, OK?"
"What?" I asked. Not sure I understood.
"I'm not interested in you right now," she said. "Not THAT way, anyway, but you never know. I might change my mind. If that happens, I'll tell you, so you know I'm not trying to trap you".
"What if you change your mind before Friday?" I asked. Only half joking.
"I'll tell you and you can leave," she said. "If you WANT to."
I looked up again, She laughed. "Oh my god!" She said. "You have not changed!"
I said that I had to leave, but she tried one more time.
"Look," she said, now more serious. "If you feel weird going to my house, How about me and my baby go for a picnic by the boardwalk to watch the sunset and you just happen to walk by and I invite you to have a sandwich with us?"
"Can I think about it?" I asked.
"We'll be there anyway," she said. "from around 6 til dark. You're welcome to drop by and have a sandwich if you want."
And I have been thinking about that all day. Why did that woman appear again in my life? Why do I still like her so much that for the very first time I'm actually afraid that I could cheat on Victoria?
It would be so unfair to cheat on Victoria now. She's given me my children and the best years of her life, literally. And has tolerated me and my follies all this time.
But it's so damned hard!
I don't think I'm going to that picnic. No matter what Sofia says, it is not safe, emotionally for me, even if nothing happens.