Thursday, February 18, 2010

Pain, or the idea of pain?

I was reading in some of the literature related to male submission recently that some men think they are attracted to pain when in reality they are attracted to the IDEA of pain.

Recently, after one time when I told V that she did not have to be gentle with me, she has begun to scratch, bite and spank when having sex. She has also started to twist my nipples. The spanking is not too effective because the position doesn't allow for too much strength, but yesterday, she spanked me hard a couple times while i kissed her toes, and she asked me if i felt it "deep enough". I said that I loved it and she said I was crazy.

Her bites have been painful and she has marked my chest several times, and that actually excites me. The twisting of the nipples has not been that painful, but perhaps it's because she only does it when I am almost to the point of no return. I have cummed several times while she twisted my nipples and i can't tell how hard she's doing it.

The scratching, however, is another story.

Several times her nails have made me wonder if I really want her to give me pain. I have hesitated, because she has gone farther than I thought she would. I had almost screamed in pain, but have resisted, because at the same time I don't want her to stop doing what she's doing. This has brought the concept of the IDEA of pain to the forefront of my mind.

Do I really want her to punish me in painful ways, or do I just want her to play at it?

This is a question I don't have an answer at the moment. I will have to ponder on it and explore a little bit. For now, V has only been playing, and only when having sex, but I'm already having my doubts. Am I going to chicken out?

There are two things I know:

1) I'm going to resist as much as possible any pain that she deems appropriate to inflict upon me, because even if it scares me a little, it's exciting and drives our relationship in the direction I desire.

2) Being that V is a tender, loving wife, if I tell her that she's hurting me, she's going to stop and treat me delicately. For now I want her to gain confidence in what she's doing, before I complain about it.

Today was a pretty much vanilla day. V was busy with school things, so I did a couple things she asked me to do. She also told me that she wants me to take two weeks off from work in August so I can babysit while she goes to a seminar. After I said yes, she said that actually she has plans for me for those two weeks, and then she explained and asked if I'd do it. I said yes and asked her to get the dates of the seminar as soon as possible so I can secure the vacation.

She didn't command me to do it, although I thought she was going to, bu the tone when she told me to take vacation. I think she was not sure if she could "get away" with having me babysit for two weeks and also do the other stuff around the house and that lowered her tone.

The other thing submission-related was that she was in bed and found my glasses. Then she told me that I like her feet so much that even if I'm not there, my glasses still stay at her feet. I was busy and distracted and didn't take advantage of the situation. In retrospective, I could have taken a little time to go "get the glasses" and kiss her feet a little more, like I did yesterday.

Oh, well. I'm sure that other opportunities will present themselves.

For now, I am left to wonder about pain.

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