Vanilla Submission

Looking past into earlier posts on this blog reminds me how frustrated I was, how little progress I had and how many needs and cravings I was not having satisfied because I did not have the nerve to come clean and confess to Miss V.

Looking at more recent entries, I'm amazed at the progress we have made. From not being able to even talk about these things, to being taken from behind with the strapon. From not being able to serve to being ordered to do so, and without reward. Much of the progress has been so sudden that I have found it hard to explain, however, I found this blog HERE, where they talk about Vanilla Dominants (and if you remember my early posts, you know my wife is Vanilla) and how to better encourage them to become dominant. One of the common themes throughout the blog is that one has to create a safe space (a firewall, he calls it sometimes) around the kinky space, so the Vanilla partner doesn't feel threatened by the changes in the relationship. In reading this blog, I came to realize that I had been applying some of its principles without even knowing it, and that gives some explanation to my success.

• I have given permission to V to be "bad" in a safe environment (no consequences)
• I stopped being subservient in daily life and confessed to my desire of sexual domination
• I provided an excuse for V to deny me without feeling responsible (the marbles game)
• I have pleased her in any way she has requested, even if her requests are mostly vanilla

I could go on, but I think that you better go read his blog for yourself. You can find it by clicking on its tile here: How do I get my partner to dominate me?

Now before you go thinking that I have all this figured out, here is a gold nugget I found there about the need to "negotiate" instead of trying stealth submission and I am going to try with Miss V.

QUOTE:

Humans are most comfortable with like-for-like. 'Fessing up that bringing your lover a cup of coffee gets you wet or hard... well that might be a little creepy or freaky. And, since D&S looks erotic to an outsider, it's probably a bad idea to rush to reveal any kind of submissive pleasure from any non-sexual act.

Instead, when you're doing something obviously one-sided in bed, share what's in your mind.

For example; "Giving you head turns me on because I'm pretending I'm your slave."

Then, depending on their reaction, float the idea. Don't make a big thing of it, and don't be apologetic either. All you’re asking for is a spice. "Next time I'm going to wear a slave collar."

Then follow through and actually produce—in this example—the collar.

From then on, refuse to perform the submissive act without that collar. At the same time offer your slave whenever appropriate, and make it clear that the slave is available on demand.

Isn't this negotiation?

Yes, it is—technically—negotiation. However, it's not about demanding particular scenes or actions. It's about bringing what's already there to the surface where you can both see it, and about making a distinction between your everyday self and your slave self.

It's not unreasonable to say "I will happily be your slave if you will treat me as one."

It's also—possibly—permission for your partner

We subs forget that taking the dominant role requires playing at being evil. This is especially true for service-orientated. (If the dominant partner is mostly topping, then they are fairly obviously giving pleasure to their sub.)

This means that very vanilla people with dominant leanings will rarely admit how much kinky pleasure they get from your submission.

Who knows? Perhaps when you're giving your partner oral service, he or she is privately imagining you are wearing a steel collar and can shortly be dismissed back to your cage. There's only one way to find out...
 
END QUOTE.

There you have it.

So here is my next goal:

In a calm, relaxed manner, when the time seems appropriate, and when Miss V is in a sexy mood, I will confess that the reason her spanking me or pegging me makes me so horny is that I like to imagine that she is forcing me to do it. I will repeat to her my assertion that I love to serve her and Love it when she uses her erotic power to control me for the same reasons and will ask her to treat me as if she was forcing me to serve her.

Okay, just writing that paragraph game me an erection.

Aren't we just plain weird?