Thursday, December 15, 2011

I feel manly... Is that strange?

I've been having an interesting thought recently, a discovery, if I may, one that I didn't quite expect from what I've read on the subject of Female Dominance. I headed into my attempt to a FLM fully expecting that somehow by being dominated by a woman, I would feel less as a man. However, after struggling with my own feelings for years, I came to conclude that yes, I am submissive, and if that's what it took, so be it.

It turns out that the  feeling I get when I'm denied, which until now, I had not been able to articulate it or give it a name, is "manly". I struggle somewhat with the word, because because it seems as if it doesn't quite match what I'm feeling in the full sense, but still, it is what it is. I don't precisely mean "manly" as opposed to "womanly", because there's nothing womanly about me after an orgasm, or as opposed to "childish" either.

I guess I could say "manly" as in more human, as opposed to a thing, a vegetable (such as a couch potato) or a mass of flesh and fat slumbering around without any purpose in life other than to eat, sleep, complain and have sex.

If I were forced to come up with a definition of what I mean by the word "manly" in this context, I'd say "purposeful, focused, energetic, determined, bold, aggressive, brave, proactive". Admittedly, none of these attributes are inherently masculine, but I can't deny that I feel more of a man when I'm horny. I think it's something primitive, probably related to us men being hunters and stuff. By denying me, my wife has given me a prey to hunt, and the old me has come to life again. 

While being denied by V for several days, particularly after the heavy teasing I described on another post, I felt powerful and strong, like nothing could stop me. I guess I was high on brain chemicals. At work, not only did I find my mind sharper, but I also found that my coworkers didn't stand a chance when disagreeing with me. Most things went my way at work, and people seemed to accept my leadership without much of an argument, including the office hag that always had her way. I had people approach me and tell me how glad they were that I was there and to thank me for the things I did and said. Somehow, I found myself to be more articulate and convincing than usual.

If only they knew that the renewed wit and creative problem solving that helped me dominate at work was caused by my submissiveness at home... Oh, the irony!

Seriously, it felt as if I was back in my younger days, when I was considered by many to be smarter than average, my career advanced very fast and I seemed to land every job opportunity I set my eyes on. Somehow, over the years I've felt as if that spark was lost. As if I had descended to the level of mediocre performance and lazy work-avoidance. Beind denied has taught me that the faculties of my younger self are not lost, just dulled by too much prolactin. Yes, I've been reading about the hormone prolactin, which is released after orgasm, and the effects that it has on men.

While some may disagree with my choice of the word "manly" as a descriptor, the word itself is not what matters here. I would be much more interested in a discussion of the feeling itself. Is this something you (or your significant other) experience? Do you feel sharper, smarter, stronger, more focused, when you are being denied? How do you feel (besides submissive)?

As for me, I had release twice yesterday and can't wait to feel "manly" again.

Very manly... but how to tell my wife? I find it hard to explain even to myself...

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