Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A potential setback averted...

This Monday, I was feeling extremely tired after I came home. It was one of those days when all I wanted was to fall asleep, so I went to bed and was almost falling asleep when V arrived and asked me if I had worked out. I said that I hadn't, but that I was really tired.

She became demanding and told me to get out of the bed (even pulled my legs off the bed) and escorted me outside. I was complaining and whining as she did it, not feeling very submissive. When she pushed me out of the door and got ready to close it behind me, I was about to say that I was not wearing workout clothes or shoes, but I was so mad that I didn't know what to say.

"What's the matter?" She asked, but I was upset, so I turned around and walked away without a word. She closed the door and locked it behind me.

While I walked I woke up and had a chance to contemplate on what had just happened.

My wife had just ordered me, not asked, or pleaded, but ordered and almost forced me to do something that I had given her the power to do and instead of being obedient and grateful, I had given her an attitude. What a stupid thing to do at this stage of our relationship! I wanted to kick myself, or to be more accurate, to be kicked and punished by her. I know that if I was being dominated by V, I would just have earned some serious punishment, but at this stage, I was afraid that she would get discouraged.

While I worked out I was so tired that I thought I was going to vomit, but eventually managed to complete my time and return home. I fell on the bed, almost fainting and stayed there for an hour or so, being too tired to sleep, until later I felt better.

V informed me that I would not be getting any because she was not up to it. She mentioned that her belly ached a little, but I knew that she would not have been so insistent in making me work out if she was not interested in having sex with me, so I knew I had ruined her mood with my attitude. She went to sleep right away.

I decided that I needed to be more submissive, and urgently, so I edged myself several times while imagining that she was doing it as a punishment for my attitude. I finally went to sleep hoping that my error would not destroy all the progress we had made in the past few months. 

I edged myself in the morning again, repeating the process while thinking that I really needed to apologize for my attitude, but that there was no time, because we both had to leave. When I weighed myself I noticed that I had lost two pounds in two weeks and thought that it was a great progress, even though I have not been faithful in working out daily. I've noticed that I'm drinking more water and eating smaller portions, so that is clearly part of it too.

As we were leaving the house, I mentioned to V that I had lost 2 pounds and that the regime was being effective. She sighed and said "I don't know... I don't feel as if it's being effective." With that we parted ways, and I stood there, kicking myself for disappointing her in such a stupid way and for no reason at all.

The submissive rush hit me at work, and with it the idea that if I didn't apologize immediately, things may revert to old vanilla, and it would be harder to bring them back again. I sent her an email.

"V, I lost two pounds in two weeks. Our regime is working. If it doesn't work as effectively as you think it should, it's not your fault, but mine. Please don't get discouraged. I'm sorry for giving you an attitude on Monday and will try to do better. Feel free to do anything that you think will help in making our arrangement more effective or in reminding me that I asked for this and should not complain. I love you."

Her reply came a few minutes later.

:-P

Just that.

It seemed like a positive sign, but you never know.

I came home and have been in my best behavior. I was getting ready to go work out without her telling me so when she entered the room. She had a movie in her hands and showed me the actor. She said that he was great and she really really like him. "Of course," she added, "I like you more".

Good, I thought. At least she's not mad. However, that didn't mean that she was going to continue our little project. I told her that I wanted her a lot, to which she casually said that "it is good to want things, because it gives you something to look forward to."

Then for some reason she mentioned something about sticks and balls (non sexual, mind you) and I said that I had some. She said "Good for you, and you get to keep them because you have not worked out".

I breathed a sigh of relief. She was still here and still willing to enforce the rules.

I told her that I was going to work out right now and she said that then, maybe I could use my stick and balls tonight. Maybe not.

I'm glad I fond it in me to apologize for my stupid reaction, and even gladder that V is not reverting to the old times. My hope is that even if our growth is slow, and minimal, that it never reverts to what it was.

I hope that after doing this for a while (I still have 22 pounds to go, and that's not even to ideal weight, but to a comfortable one) V will get used to her benefits and we'll be able to transfer her dominance to other areas of my life.

I have to be careful with the little things and try to remain obedient and submissive to her. I realize that I may have made mountains out of molehills, but my feelings are intense and deep and can play tricks on me. For now, I think that I averted a potential pitfall and that we are still on the road to a FLM.

6 comments:

  1. Clearly it's not easy for anyone else to know or understand your situation or relationship with V from reading your blog, but even I can see that you made a big big mistake here.

    For someone professing to be submissive and wanting a WLM, you have a funny way of showing it to V. Just imagine how she must have felt, putting herself in this dominant situation, imposing her will on you, something that you have suggested in the past that she finds difficult to do, and what do you do, you give her attitude. She must have felt quite demoralised and wondered why she had even bothered.

    And did you say 2 pounds, in two weeks, a good fart weights more than that, another sign to V that you are not really trying to lose weight, or maybe you are trying to invoke some sort of punishment for failing.

    I don't profess to have all the answers, but in my experience it is far more productive to let your wife see the positive benefits of having a submissive husband, something that will encourage her to impose her will on you, and to make her all the more expectant and demanding. You should have apologised as soon as you got home and made her see that you really are submissive to her, and want her to accept your submission as something that she can enjoy and want to encourage. It may feel strange at first but accepting that V is going to be right about most things is where you need to be if you are going to successfully see a more dominant and demanding V.

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  2. I'll have to admit that you are right on most accounts. I should not have done what I did, and since I did it, should have apologized immediately. My STUPID pride kept me from it.

    As you say, I need to become better and behave more consistently with what I profess.

    As far as the weight goes. It is very hard for me to lose weight. Because of old car accident injuries, I'm very limited as to what I can do. Actually, when I was younger, let's say about 24, there were times that I could not get out of my car without help. A lot of strength exercise is what helped me recover and for the past few years I've had episodes of pain, but only once it was incapacitating (December 26, 2005. I remember it)

    The best exercise for me is swimming, but is currently not available to me.

    V knows the problem and considers the two pounds as a measure of success. She knows I need to lose more weight, but that I need to take a longer approach. I am already eating less, not because I'm trying, but because working out makes me drink lots of water and I tend to be less hungry, so maybe this will help too.

    However, I'll keep your advise in mind and fart before I step on the scale tomorrow morning

    I joke about the fart, but will take the rest of your advise seriously.

    Thank you for taking the time to share with me.

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  3. I hope I didn't sound too harsh, and am sorry to hear that you have a condition that limits your ability to workout. Even a brisk walk for thirty minutes a day, would help with a low fat diet. I know from experience that is not always easy to loose weight but given the right incentive anything is possible.

    It sounds from what you say that that V understands, but probably is questioning your commitment.

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  4. Congrats on your progress...wow, something to have her pull you up and out like that, too!
    Good you apologized... hang in there, and be on your best behavior! :)

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  5. @Times: You did sound harsh, but that's all right. I was an idiot anyway. The good news is V is back in full teasing mode.

    @Spanked: It was something all right. At the time it seemed more nagging than dominance, though, but that's my fault for being so slow to obey. I have to get better.

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  6. Good for V, can't wait to hear all about it...!!!

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