Failures, Lessons and Denial, part 1

I have been in denial for a week now, and have failed in several ways. This is the first.
Lat week, V called me to the bedroom and asked me to give her the marbles container. I happily did, as I knew I had worked hard to get many green marbles there. She pulled one out. It was green.

"Lucky" she said, a little put down. I think she wanted to deny me. "Take your clothes off".

I obeyed in taking my clothes off, and I asked her who would be doing who, in the hope that she would decide to do me first. She asked for her strapon dildo and I brought it to her.

"Put it on," she said. "This time you are going to use it."

A myriad questions flooded my mind. Was I going to do her with the strapon? What if she liked it more than the real thing? Would she consider me "done" after she got her orgasm(s)? Would this become a new norm? Did I want our relationship to evolve this way? What to do?

Of course, I would obey V as long as she's willing to command, so after fumbling with the straps quite a bit (funny, she makes it look easy when she does it) I finally got it in place. By that time, the combination of fear and the effort of strapping the thing had made me lose the erection, so the strapon front panel covered my penis completely.

"Now, come over here," she ordered and I stood in front of her. "Where is your thing?" she asked, seeing how the strapon looked too comfortable to have a bulging erection underneath.

"It's here, I assure you."

She looked at my shiny new member closely and then said "No, I don't think I want that think inside me. Take it off."

As I did, she took it off my hands and quickly (and easily) put it on.

"Come on," she said showing me her 'erection' and handing me the lubricant. "It is your job to get it ready."

I knelt in front of her and couldn't resist the urge to kiss her dildo. She didn't back down but she said that it didn't do anything for her, so I quickly resumed my duties of lubricating the weapon that was soon to be used against me, although deliciously.

"How do you want me?" I asked standing up. She pulled me and pushed me against the bed, in the same position she had started before and began pounding on my behind. It hurt a little because there was no preparation and my anus was resistant, but I said nothing. The last thing I want is to make her worry and stop. Soon enough the lubricant was doing its job and I was taking it like a champ.

This time, she didn't slow down and I came close to orgasm, but my legs became too tired to continue and the imminent orgasm faded away. She noticed that I was tired and asked me if I wanted to stop.

"Can we change positions?" I asked.

She accepted and I climbed up to the bed and placed myself in all fours. I expected that she would climb after me and continue the operation, but she didn't. I turned to look at her and saw her disgusted expression. The dildo was dirty with fecal matter.

"I'm a little disgusted right now," she said, looking in a different direction. I felt so ashamed that I told her not to move, and I took care of everything as I apologized multiple times. I placed a pair of dirty shorts over the dildo so she would not see it, and took the whole thing away, fully expecting that she would be upset at me.

"From now on," she said as I cringed, fully expecting to hear that she would never do me again. "Any time that you want me to use that thing (she pointed at the covered dildo in my hands) you will need to use that thing (she points towards my drawer) first."

She was referring to the enema kit that I had used prior to our previous engagements. It is not in my drawer, but that doesn't matter. What little joy I could feel was in knowing that there would be more to come for me.

"Take care of that later," she said laying face up on the bed. "Now come give me the real thing".

I made love to her until I had an orgasm, which has been my last to date. After that, she pushed me away and told me to go wash the things and take a shower.

And such was my first failure. The lesson I learned from this is that I should have been aware that I had not cleansed myself and should have asked for permission to go do it, or resign myself to not enjoy the activity. In short: BE CLEAN. 

Another failure coming soon...