Monday, January 30, 2012

I need to say "yes" more...

This morning was the day. I was sure of it. I had worked out, I had been good, had done everything V had asked of me and then some...

It didn't happen.

When I woke up, she was gone. Anyone who knows V, even remotely, knows that once she is up, she is up and there is almost nothing I can do to bring her back down. I say almost because it has been known to happen, on special ocassions.

When it was about time for me to go to work, she entered the room and told me to get up and go. I pleaded a bit, not really daring to beg as much as I really wanted to because I know she doesn't want me to act "needy".

To all that, she only smiled, basking, I know, in the warmth of my undivided attention. She looks radiant these days, but I can't tell if it's because she feels wanted and cared for, or if it is a mirage of the psychochemicals.

The truth is, I don't care.

All I care for is that I love this woman. I love her deeply and also lust for her. I am a lucky man in that the object of my lust also happens to be the subject of my love. I'm glad that I have discovered orgasm denial and that V has been loving enough to take her first steps into it, because this deepends and enhances our relationship. It's funny how regulating the man's drive can affect the couple so much. From some material I read yesterday, I formed what I think is an interesting thought about submission and marital harmony, but it will have to wait for another posting, as there is no time or space here for that. Of course, it may be that the fact that I find my thoughts interesting is but another symtom of psychochemical mirage. (A good name for a rock band)

Let's come back to the story.

"I worked out," I blurted out in a final pathetic attempt to get her attention as she was about to leave the room.

"Aww!" she said, doing that hot little thing girls do when they walk away with a little bounce on their step, fling their purse over their shoulder as they look back at you. "This means you will work out again today."

Man! This woman is hot, little bouce and all!

All day at work I was thinking of her.

When I got home, she was watching TV with the kids and I said hello. She blew me a kiss, but then said that she would come get a good kiss and walked me to the bedroom. We made out a little, talked a little and I asked her at what time she was going to leave.

"I have 20 minutes," she said, quickly adding: "And no, mister. 20 minutes is not enough."

I smiled. Knowing that I still have not worked out, I did not even try to get into a quickie that would only be for her and might cost me a couple more days of denial, so I remained quiet.

"Now, you have not even worked out, have you?" She said a little later, reading my thoughts the way wives do. "You have to work out first, you know the rules".

At a diferent time, I may have protested that she could still have whatever she wanted, but not today. Today I desperately need to do whatever she says so she gives me release.

"You set up these rules and gave me permission to enforce them," she added, even though I was not protesting. "And you are not going to get out of them."

"Yes," I said, realizing that maybe the reason she kept insisting was that she misunderstood my compliant silence with defiance. "I will work out for you."

"Good boy," she said as she left the house.

From this exchange, I gathered that I need to be more vocal in accepting V's control. I have to say "yes" to whatever she chooses to impose over me instead of remaining silent. In a way this is good, because it means that I get the opportunity to verbally acknowledge my obedience to her in a non-threatening way (because she asked)

I'm leaving now, as I need to work out before V comes back home. I will add a note later, saying whether this became day 6 of my denial or if a new cycle begins.

NOTE (1/31/12): A new count begins today. I did work out, but she said "I don't know if you want to do me, but I am tired and want to go to sleep." I didn't press the case as I would have done in times past, because even though I know she would have allowed it, it would discourage her dominance.

3 comments:

  1. I think you are right about verbalising your submission, you can't leave it all to your wife and a silent husband makes it difficult for your wife to gauge your state of mind and also helps her to know she is doing the right things.

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    Replies
    1. Even though I "know" this inside, I somehow keep failing to do it. Communication has never been man's strongest attribute, so I guess it's part of my learning process.

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